


Rapture and Bliss

by Emma_Trevelyan



Category: IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)
Genre: Awkward Flirting, Blow Jobs, Christmas Eve date, Communication, Crying, Drunkenness, F/M, Falling In Love, First Time, Getting Together, Hand Jobs, Happy Ending, Kissing, Love Confessions, Making Out, Osaka Aquarium Kaiyukan, Porn with Feelings, Post canon, Romance, Ryuu's POV, Semi Public Sex, Skype, Skype Sex, Stalking, Vaginal Fingering, curvy/chubby oc, emotional tension, meet cute, trigger - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-14
Updated: 2019-02-26
Packaged: 2019-08-01 19:54:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 64,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16290734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emma_Trevelyan/pseuds/Emma_Trevelyan
Summary: A young couple--clearly on a date--were caught up in their own little world. Ryuu’s chest pulled tight when he saw their hands link on the table top. How long had it been since he’d been touched? He wanted it. He wanted it so badly it hurt. But given his line of work, the meticulous public image he had to maintain, his busy schedule, and his overall ineptitude with romance, he didn't foresee a change in the near future.Until, of course, he met Maeda Yumi, a vivacious woman who made him question everything he's ever known and believed. Despite his desire to have it all, he eventually has to decide; what is really important, and what does he really want?





	1. Chapter 1

Ryuu liked this coffee shop. 

It was quiet and sort of out of the way. The coffee was decent, and even if he did get recognized, people didn’t tend to care. The most he ever got was a high-school aged employee’s eyes widen with awe, but she hadn’t said anything. No one said anything. As much as he loved his work, it was sometimes nice to be an anonymous face in the crowd again, even if he towered over everyone by a solid head or so. 

It was difficult being inconspicuous when you were one of Japan’s brightest superstars. He’d started to find a balance--if he was too obvious about it, he’d be spotted immediately. If he didn’t try at all, he got swarmed. He couldn’t win. He did find his sunnier personality tended to throw people off the scent a little, especially when combined with a cap and glasses. He certainly didn’t mind his fans. After all, he wouldn’t be where he was without them. But sometimes, a man just needed a cup of coffee and a too-fattening pastry on a nice April morning without being hounded by hoards of shrieking high school girls and their mothers.

After placing his order, he lingered by one of the windows to wait, watching people enjoy the spring afternoon. The air had a fresh quality to it--even if it was the city. He loved this time of year; the whole world was new again. The warmth after months of freezing cold drove people outside, even if the ground was still wet and the last vestiges of winter still remained. The air smelled like blooming cherry trees. It felt simultaneously too late and too cold for it. It still took some getting used to--back home, the trees bloomed so early, and if the temperature dropped below 10, it was an apocalyptic event--but he was acclimating. Slowly but surely. 

A cute squeal drew his eye towards a corner booth by the window. A young couple--clearly on a date--were caught up in their own little world. Ryuu’s chest pulled tight when he saw their hands link on the table top. How long had it been since he’d been touched? He hadn’t really been with anyone since coming to Tokyo, and he wasn’t exactly popular with the ladies back home. His image was supposed to be this untouchable sex symbol (for some reason) so he wasn’t really allowed to show anyone that he craved affection like it was oxygen. The pang of jealousy turned into an ache when the guy leaned into the girl and started whispering something in her ear that made her blush. He wanted it. He wanted it so badly it hurt. But given his line of work, the meticulous public image he had to maintain, his busy schedule, and his overall ineptitude with romance, he didn't foresee a change in the near future.

His phone chimed at him; he winced when he checked the time. Basically, if he left within thirty seconds, he'd be five minutes late,tops. He took a quick swig of his coffee and nearly yelped when he burned his tongue. Ok, so that was a stupid idea. Probably almost as stupid as taking a hot beverage into a crowded sidewalk, but clearly Ryuu’s judgement was off that day. 

As he made for the door, he froze like a prey animal. Three girls in high school uniforms were approaching the counter. One of them had one of Tenn’s straps on her school bag. He winced--if he got caught by a fan, it was all over. He would get mobbed. He decided to brave the streets, lowered his cap, and strode to the door with a sense of urgency. He wasn’t watching where he was going, and a small body collided with him. He managed to avoid dumping an entire cup of hot coffee all over this person, but clearly they weren't as lucky. She stared down at her shirt, stained with coffee around the collar, almost perplexed. Like she couldn't quite process it. 

“I am so sorry!” Ryuu exclaimed. “Are you alright?” 

She continued to stare at her shirt, blinking slowly. There were dark smears under her eyes, like she hadn’t slept in days. He waited out the tense silence, waiting for her to hit him (or worse--recognize him) before she burst into hysterical laughter. 

“Well, at least it was iced,” she said through her tears. “No worries, man. It happens sometimes.” 

“I still feel bad,” he said, keenly aware of his ticking clock. “I’d buy you a new one, but I really don’t have time.” 

“It’s fine,” she repeated. “Are you alright? I sort of wasn’t paying attention--” 

“I’m fine,” he said, waving her off. “I really have to go but your shirt--” 

“It’ll come clean. I can go home and change; my boss will understand.” 

Ryuu bit his lip. He would later blame his actions on temporary insanity brought about by extreme loneliness, but in the moment it seemed like such a good idea. He pulled his tartan scarf off and draped it over her shoulders, despite her protests. 

“Use it to cover the stains,” he said with a crooked smile. She stared hard at him in a way that was hard to interpret and made him feel very exposed, but a precious pink blush worked its way over her cheeks. Her dark eyes widened, and her lips parted in shock. She looked pretty like that. “You can give it back to me next time you see me.” 

With that, he hurried out the door, leaving her stunned. It took him a full ten minutes for him to realize that they would likely never see each other again. Damn. He really liked that scarf. 

~~~

The great thing about modelling jobs was they usually encouraged him to show up looking as frumpy and frazzled as possible so they could make him beautiful in the specific way they wanted. The worst part about them, though, was he usually left them feeling sticky and crusty in not-fun ways. If he could head straight home afterwards, it was fine because he could immediately shower and wash his face, but sadly, it wasn’t in the cards for him. 

After a late start at his Ato shoot, he was nervous about getting to the recording studio on time. Being a few minutes late to a solo gig was one thing; making Gaku and Tenn wait was a whole other ball of wax. Thankfully, traffic was light, and Anesagi had sent a car, so even with his afternoon incident, the day was back on track. When he made it to the recording studio, Gaku was waiting for him in the green room. Tenn was nowhere to be found, but he was probably around somewhere. 

“Tenn’s late?” Ryuu asked, shedding his coat and gloves. 

“Bathroom,” Gaku replied, holding out a steaming cup of something. Ryuu gave the cup a look, and Gaku snorted under his breath. “Don’t be paranoid. It’s lemon and honey. For your throat. You’ve had a long day.” 

“I always have long days. It’s in our job description,” Ryuu said, accepting the cup and taking a long drink. He immediately felt the soothing effect and sighed with relief. “This is what I get for getting coffee this morning.” 

“You went out?  _ Without me? _ ” Gaku asked. “Special occasion? Clandestine meeting with a lady friend? Or is our friendship just over?” 

“I hardly think getting coffee constitutes ‘going out,’ but I literally invite you everywhere I go,” Ryuu said, narrowing his eyes.  “You’re so dramatic sometimes. And you know you’d be the first to find out about prospective lady friends; clandestine meetings are impossible when you’re… you know. Us.”

“Price of fame, sadly,” Gaku said with a shrug. “I don’t think I’ve spoken to anyone who wasn’t a fan or in the business in about a year.” 

Ryuu went quiet at that. It  _ was _ the price of fame… he didn’t realize Gaku was in the same boat. But then, Gaku was so serious about relationships. He didn’t even really date, as far as Ryuu knew. He probably wouldn’t know, either. Not unless Gaku was ready to get married. It seemed oddly intense, considering Gaku was  _ younger _ than him. 

“Has it really been a year for you? I find that hard to believe,” Ryuu said, his curiosity getting the better of him. 

“Well, becoming superstars takes time,” Gaku replied, staring so hard at his phone, Ryuu was surprised it didn’t catch fire. “I don’t want something casual, and it’s hard to find someone who understands my schedule who is also compatible and not insane. Plus, you hear all sorts of horror stories; remember what happened to Harada?” 

Ryuu shivered at the mention of one of his late peers; “Yeah, I try not to think about that.” 

“What about you?” Gaku asked, quirking his eyebrow. “How long has it been for you?” 

“Excuse me? That… is none of your business!” 

“Yikes,” Gaku said with a laugh. “That long, hm?” 

“You just got done talking to me about our schedules and womanizing idols getting murdered in their beds and now you’re judging me?” 

“Yeah, but you’re too nice to pull crap that would get you murdered,” Gaku said. 

“Who’s getting murdered?” Tenn came back from the bathroom at that exact moment, and he looked both highly amused and mildly concerned at their choice of conversation topic. 

“Ryuu,” Gaku teased. “For his womanizing ways.” 

“You just said I wouldn’t get murdered!” Ryuu exclaimed. 

“Well, as much fun as it is to talk about Ryuu’s murder,” Tenn said, pulling out his phone and ignoring Ryuu’s indignant coughing. “I just got a text from Anesagi. Apparently, we’re supposed to meet our new lead engineer.” 

“A new one? What happened to Watanabe?” Gaku asked. 

“Who knows? Their text was cryptic as hell,” Tenn said, reading over the message again. 

“Why didn’t they tell me? I’m the leader!” Gaku grumbled. 

“Because they know that I’m the true face and talent of TRIGGER,” Tenn replied with a flip of his candy-floss hair.

Ryuu could sense an argument, so he cut it off at the pass; “Alright, then, we were scheduled for studio three tonight, right?” 

“Yeah. Apparently, Maeda-san and Anesagi are waiting for us.” 

Yaotome was one of the many companies that recorded through UtaKoToRi Studios. Studio three was usually reserved for the many idol groups that went there because of its spacious but well-insulated vocal booths. Ryuu was comfortable with it. He always felt like he could really get in the zone there; it had a similar feeling to some of his favorite venues. He used the elevator ride to transition into his performance mode. 

They cut through the sound booth, the digital board already lit up and ready to go. Anesagi was already there, ready to greet them, and the other person in the room (Ryuu had to assume it was the engineer) was fiddling with something on the wall. He could never understand the mountains of equipment in a recording studio. It all seemed so intimidating and fascinating to him, though. 

“Ah, great timing,” Anesagi said with a grin. “Boys, I’d like you to meet Maeda. She’s going to be the lead engineer on the new single.” 

At the mention of her name, Maeda turned around to bow deeply; “Hello, I’m Maeda Yumi, replacing Watanabe Sho while he’s on leave. I’ve been with UtaKoToRi for a few years, but this is my first lead project. I look forward to working with you boys. Nice to meet you.” 

The first thing he noticed was, despite her height, she carried herself like a tall person--like someone who wanted to be noticed and respected. She was curvy, with a round face and long, dark hair wound into a sock bun. She hadn’t been wearing glasses that morning, but she was wearing them now, and the men’s tartan scarf wound around her neck went nicely with the loose-fitting t-shirt and cardigan combo she wore over jeans and tall boots. There wasn’t a hint of recognition in her dark eyes. 


	2. Chapter 2

She was the girl from the cafe, and despite the fact that she was wearing Ryuu’s clothes, she didn’t seem to recognize him at all. It made sense--he’d been actively avoiding being recognized that morning--but it still stung a little bit that if he wasn’t ‘Tsunashi Ryunosuke, TRIGGER member and Japan’s Sexiest Man,’ he was a nobody. Especially considering he  _ remembered _ her. He remembered her from her rounded curves to her high cheek bones to her ink-black eyelashes. His scarf covered her generous cleavage, and he felt like a pig, but he remembered that too, and he flushed with heat at the memory of an ice cube melting over the soft-looking skin. He had to clear his throat a few times before he could answer her with his own greeting, and even then, he sounded like he’d swallowed something without chewing properly. Gaku gave him a  _ look _ . 

Ryunosuke had only been in the music industry for a few years at that point, and there was one thing he learned that night that he’d never known before--the feel of the whole recording process is totally dependent on the engineer in charge. With Watanabe, it was exhausting and gruelling. He liked to have all the raws laid down in a single session, recording sections over and over until it was absolutely perfect and he had everything he needed. Then, he performed some sort of cryptic wizardry that Ryuu wasn’t privy to, and then there was a finished, polished single to release. Watanabe  _ hated _ redoing anything--once, Gaku’s raw tracks hadn’t been totally clean and had had to come in to do pick-ups. Gaku hadn’t heard the end of it, and forever got stressed to the point of sleeplessness the night before recording anything with him. Yaotome had always justified it--Watanabe was among the best, and in this business, you don’t just  _ replace _ an industry veteran like him. 

Maeda was different. She gave them some space to warm up in the booth while she finished setting up. Her work space was less meticulous than Watanabe’s--organized chaos was putting it very generously, as it looked more like a paperwork-and-cable explosion--and she wasn’t wearing headphones. She was also smiling. Maybe it was just the years that Watanabe had done this job, but he didn’t seem to much care for it, and he definitely didn’t care for working with young idols. Maeda had an infectious sort of enthusiasm for the work that was tangible just being around her. 

The first run through, all three of them did it together, like they were singing live. It already had such a different energy already that Ryuu could feel the long day rolling down his back. Then, he and Gaku were given hot beverages and told to keep warm while she had Tenn record his parts. Then the process was repeated with Gaku and, finally, Ryuu. He ran through the song a few times, with Maeda asking him to take the chorus a few more times. He was probably in the booth for a mere 20 minutes or so before her voice crackled in his monitors. 

“Alright, I have what I need for now,” she said. “You all sound a little strained, though, so you can go.”

“Wait, what?” Ryuu couldn’t stop himself from asking. It was rare he got to have actual  _ fun _ in the booth. “That’s it?” 

“Well, I’ll probably need you to come in for pick-ups, but I can get started for now,” she replied. “You all sound exhausted, it’s late, and Anesagi-san just informed me you all have really early mornings tomorrow. I’ll coordinate with them for you if I need you back.” 

Ryuu checked his phone--it was still fairly early for him. Most nights in the booth he didn’t get home until well past 2:00 in the morning, sometimes later. It was barely 10:30. He took his time gathering his things, though, waiting for everyone else to leave first, while Maeda started coiling cables. 

“I like her,” Anesagi said, tapping rapidly on their phone. “We can actually schedule evening activities for you after sessions. That will be a nice change of pace. Take this time to get some rest, and I expect you to be bright-eyed and bushy tailed in the morning.” 

“I’m going to take my extra hour and go get a drink,” Gaku said, shrugging into his coat. “Ryuu, you in?” 

Normally, it’d be difficult to turn that down, but Ryuu wanted to linger. And gods help him, he was not subtle; “I think I’ll just… head straight home.” 

“You want me to drive you?” 

“No that’s ok,” Ryuu answered with the world’s least convincing hand-wave. He was actually a little disappointed in himself--he was a damn good actor. “Go enjoy your drink. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.” 

Gaku scowled, his eyes flickering between Ryuu and Maeda; “Alright, well we have some extra time, so we should probably get together tomorrow morning. Anesagi doesn’t have us booked for anything until after 9:00, so it’ll be a good time to go over little things. Strategize, you know?” 

“That actually sounds like a good idea,” Ryuu said. “Meet at my place around 7:30?”

“Sounds like a plan,” Gaku said, his lips twitching in the corners. “See you tomorrow. Good work tonight.” 

Maeda was starting the process of disassembling microphone stands and taking care of equipment when Ryuu tapped her on the shoulder. She jumped like a frightened cat, but she smiled politely when she saw it was him; “Ah, Tsunashi-san. Did you forget something? I can let you back in the booth.” 

“No, that’s fine,” he said, suddenly not entirely sure what he was doing. “You… umm… I had a good time. Tonight.” 

“I should hope so,” she said with a forced laugh. He frowned… he was making her uncomfortable. He hated when he did that. He took a step back out of her space for good measure. “I do aim to make artists feel like they’re having fun. It makes better recordings, in my opinion.” 

“Well, they say the best art is created under strife,” Ryuu teased. 

She snorted inelegantly; “In that case, Watanabe’s artists should have been releasing stuff for the history books. Normally, they just release panic attacks.” Her eyes widened, like she just realized what she said. “Umm… maybe we don’t tell Watanabe-san what I just said?” 

“Umm… I won’t. I promise,” he said, scratching at the back of his neck. Damn it, he could  _ do this _ . Maeda narrowed her eyes at him, and he stiffened. “Is there something on my face? My makeup is probably running. It’s hot in here.”

She quirked her eyebrows; “Oh, is it now? So forward, Tsunashi-san.”

He resisted the urge to hide his face in his hands; “I really didn’t mean it like that! I was just saying--” 

“I know, I was just teasing,” she said, her smile softening at the corners. She was just… really pretty. “No, sorry I just… I feel like we’ve met before.” 

He averted his eyes; “You’ve probably seen my commercials. Or music videos. I mean… of course you would, that’s your job! But--” 

“No, I  mean I feel like I’ve met you,” she interjected, staring a little harder. “LIke… face to face. Before today. Not on TV, though.”

“Well, that’s my scarf,” he said, jerking his chin in her general direction. He immediately regretted it as soon as he said it, because the tension in the room thickened noticeably. It was suddenly very hard to breath and the neck on his t-shirt seemed… tight. He gave it a tug, just waiting for her to react; he forced himself to meet her eyes. 

She stared blankly, allowing the silence to stretch a bit longer, before her eyes widened with recognition; “You’re… I mean, I… oh, no. I am so sorry I didn’t… you probably want this back. I mean… I am so sorry! I really just--” 

He cut her off with a wave of his hand; “No, no, it’s OK. Really. It just means my disguise was effective. I think.” 

She flushed to her hairline, her pale face turning ruby-red, and she wouldn’t meet his eyes; “Still. I just… I’m sure you want this back. I really can’t believe I didn’t recognize you.” 

“It’s really OK. Really,” he said, feeling every ounce of courage he’d built up drain out of him. “I… umm… I just…” 

“So you don’t want your scarf back? So why didn’t you leave with your group?” 

Oh, God, why did he come back here, again? “I...don’t… know. I should go.” 

~~~

“You know, when I said we could get breakfast, I meant we could go out somewhere,” Gaku said, hovering over Ryuu’s counter. “You didn’t have to cook.” 

“We don’t have a ton of time, and you can’t get more private than my kitchen, really.” Ryuu placed a mug of coffee in front of a grouchy Tenn. “Besides, I like cooking.” 

Tenn immediately started spooning an ungodly amount of sugar into his coffee. Gaku raised his eyebrows; “Would you like some coffee with your sugar.” 

“Shut up,” Tenn growled. He was definitely less subtle in his vitriol pre-caffeine, it seemed. “What’s that?”

“My dad sent me bacon in his last package,” Ryuu answered. “He knows the guy that makes it. He always sends it to me when he can. I can cook and listen at the same time, if you wanted to talk about something important, Gaku.” 

“Alright, then, the reason for the meeting,” Gaku said. “How long have you been seeing Maeda-san?” 

Ryuu promptly dropped his cooking chopsticks on the floor; “Excuse me?” 

“Girl at the recording studio? Dark hair? Medium height?  _ Wearing your scarf?”  _ Gaku clarified, staring hard. “Come on, man, you weren’t exactly subtle about it.”

“Are we seriously here at ass-o-clock to discuss Ryuu’s love life?” Tenn asked sourly. He pulled out his phone and sank into his sweatshirt. “Let me know when bacon is ready and I have to pretend to pay attention again.” 

“Tenn--” Ryuu said, a little indulgently, a little chastising. 

Gaku knocked on the counter with his knuckles to get Ryuu’s attention; “Don’t change the subject!” 

“I’m not!” Ryuu retrieved new cooking chopsticks from his utensil holder. “Tenn did!” 

“Alright, then, Maeda-san. How long? Every detail,” Gaku said. 

“There’s nothing going on there.” Ryuu wiped his hands on a dish towel, shrinking under Gaku’s intense stare. “Really! I ran into her at the coffee shop yesterday! Literally. I ran into her. She dropped her coffee on herself. I lent her my scarf to cover the stain. End of story.” 

“You lent your scarf… to a total stranger?” Gaku raised his eyebrows. 

“I never said it was a good idea!” Ryuu pulled dishes out of his dish strainer. He’d used his extra time the night before to wash the ones that had built up over the week. 

“So what’s the deal?” Gaku pressed. “Is it serious? Are you dating? Are you planning on dating?” 

“Did you seriously come over to gossip?” 

“Yes.” Gaku fixed him with an intense stare. 

Ryuu sighed; “Well fine, if you must know, then no, I don’t plan on pursuing.” 

“Go on,” Gaku said, nodding, although his eyes were narrowed.

“There’s nothing else to tell!” Ryuu started plating breakfast with a bit more care than necessary if only to give his hands something to do. “I think she’s… cute. She’s in the business. We had the sort of meeting that’d be cute to tell grandkids someday. But I don’t know her, and even if I did, I don’t have the first clue as to how to pursue something like that.” 

“Wait… have you never…”

“Nope.” Ryuu stared at his rice cooker like it would magically end the conversation. “You said so yourself… I can hardly hold a girl’s hand in private.” 

“Yeah, I was exaggerating,” Gaku said. “You’ve really never dated? Kissed someone? Nothing?” 

“No.” 

“Not even high school?” 

“No.” Ryuu frowned, pressing his lips into a thin line. “I couldn’t even talk to them in high school, let alone date them. I was the tall boy that smelled like fish--they wanted nothing to do with me. And now I’m a megastar who has no time for girls, even if I could manage to actually land one.”

Gaku gave him a disbelieving look; “You could land literally anyone in Japan you wanted.” 

He chose not to respond, because he didn’t believe that. Not for a second. He still didn’t understand how people found him so damn attractive when he went most of his life just being so… large. And even if he could get past that, most people tended to lose interest when they realized he was pretty damn useless when it came to social interaction. Sure, he was  _ friends _ with a lot of girls in school but he didn't have romantic ambitions or anything.

“Are you just not interested in that sort of thing?” Gaku tilted his head, like he was really trying to understand.

“Yes. At least… I think I am. I’m pretty sure I am,” Ryuu answered with a shrug. 

“You’re both useless,” Tenn suddenly interjected, digging into his breakfast. 

“Oh, so you’re participating, now.” Gaku scowled. “What happened to you not caring?” 

“I don’t care,” Tenn said, shooting a sly look out of the corner of his eye. “But you’re both useless. This was near painful to listen to.” 

“Can you please stop fighting,” Ryuu pleaded. “Please? For me?” 

He suddenly didn’t feel very hungry. In all honesty, he was probably just being realistic. He was unlikely to see her again outside of a few short sessions, and once Watanabe came back from wherever he was, it would all go back to how it was before. Maeda would become another face in the crowd and his life would go on. Nothing would  _ really _ change. 

He just wished it didn’t have to be this way. 


	3. Chapter 3

Ryuu was expecting her call. He just didn’t expect it to knock him on his ass quite like it did. 

About a week after his previous session, he’d just about forgotten about his weird semi-crush on Maeda. He’d had a long day and he was beat; all he wanted to do was go home and soak in the bath until doomsday. Variety tended to wear him out more than anything else, for some reason. But a call from an unknown number piqued his interest. And when it turned out to be Maeda calling him in for pickups, he felt something dangerous awakening in his chest. 

“When’s the soonest you could come by?” Her voice sounded a little husky, like she was losing it. 

Ryuu stared down the business end of his schedule for the next few weeks, and it wasn’t pretty. He was going to be near-constantly busy, with every available second leading into the busy summer season accounted for. He could potentially make some room, especially considering this wasn’t a personal matter… it was work. He was bone tired. His hands still smelled like takoyaki from the game they’d played, and he had an early day in the morning. Earlier than usual. He should have just had her get in touch with Anesagi… it would have been easier that way. It would have been safer that way. 

“I can be there in about 45 minutes,” he said. “I just need to grab a car.” 

“Oh, there’s no rush,” she replied. She sounded tired. “I’m going to be here all night, so whenever is fine.” 

“All night? Is… did something happen?” 

“Something totally separate from you, don’t worry,” she said, clearly stifling a yawn. “But I’m still waiting on a few things, so I have a block of downtime I’d like to fill, if you don’t mind.” 

“Not at all. I’ll be there as soon as I can.” He disconnected the call, fiddling with his phone. It was probably stupid, and almost definitely unwelcome. It was a totally ridiculous impulse. 

Somehow, though, he mustered the courage to stride into Studio 3 with two hot drinks--coffee for her, tea for him. She was curled in the mixer’s chair, listening to one segment of a song over and over again, scowling at the board. 

“Maeda-san? Is this a bad time?” 

Her eyes brightened and she killed the music; “Not at all! I’m glad you’re here. You can get warmed up while I pull up your project.” 

He held up her drink; “I brought coffee. You sounded beat; I figured you could use a little something. I don’t know how you take it, but--” 

“So long as it’s caffeinated, I’ll love it,” she said with a wide grin. The blue smears under her eyes were more pronounced. “You didn't have to do this, though. How are you so sweet?” 

He flushed, rubbing at the back of his neck; “Just being polite… my dad taught me.” 

“Well, kudos to your dad,” she said. “Alright, so same set-up as last time, same monitor settings. Let me know if something needs to change. Do you need to warm up or something?”

Ryuu cleared his throat, feeling an ominous tickle. He knew this was a bad idea, especially considering the atmosphere of the booth was totally different when they were alone. He was tired, and she was soft and quiet, and that nebulous after-midnight feeling made the air feel thick and warm...although that might have been the humming bank of compressors in the corner. He tried to avoid her eyes as he prepared, and he tried to keep it professional while he laid down his tracks. Maeda didn’t need much from him--a few segments weren’t clean--so he was done in less than half an hour. He was still getting used to her work flow. 

As he was leaving, she turned her tired smile on him; “That was fantastic, Tsunashi-san. I know you probably hear this a lot, but I love your singing voice.” 

“I do,” he replied, twiddling his thumbs nervously. He didn’t hear it as much as people would assume, but he heard it. “Still appreciated, regardless.” 

“Thanks for coming by on such short notice,” she said, inputting a few keystrokes to start backing up files. “It probably would have been my ass, to be honest.”

“What happened?” Ryuu asked, achingly curious. 

“Major system upgrade, and some files got lost in the process,” she answered, pulling up the project she'd been working on. “Raw data is safe, but I have hours of work to redo. The fact that you came in when you did saved me from having to call Watanabe-san while he's away.”

“Is he alright?” Ryuu asked. “Watanabe-san, I mean. Is he ill?”

“I didn't get details, but you've met the man. He was ready to drop dead of a stroke at any moment. He had to take some time off for his health.”

Maybe it was because he was exhausted, or there was something soothing about the hum of compressors and hard drives, or maybe it was just  _ her,  _ but he felt soothed sitting and talking with her in the booth. The lighting was soft, and she wasn't treating him like a piece of meat, and for the first time in a long time, he felt at ease around a person other than Gaku and Tenn. 

“Tsunashi-san, can I ask you something?” 

He stiffened, watching her fidget in her chair; “Sure.” 

She started fiddling with something under her cardigan, turning her face into the fabric and rubbing her cheek against something. He couldn’t tell what it was--the sweater hid most of her face--but the act seemed to calm her; “You’re not… at all how I pictured you to be. On TV and in ads, you’re this ‘wild and sexy’ smooth operator, but you were so genuinely distraught when we crashed in the coffee shop… and now, like this… so I have to know. Which one is the real Tsunashi Ryunosuke?”

He shifted from foot to foot; “I guess with me, what you see is what you get.” 

She paused, glancing at him out of the corner of her eye; “What if… I like what I see?” 

He froze, unsure how what to say. She was watching him closely, gauging his reaction carefully, but all he could do was open and close his mouth uselessly like a fish. He must have waited a beat too long, because her eyes became heartbreakingly shuttered--he hadn’t realized how vulnerable they were until they weren’t--before she turned back to the board. 

“I’m sorry, that was rude of me. Forget I said anything.” 

“Maeda-san--” His hand was frozen in midair between them, unsure how to proceed.

“I’ll call you if I need anything, but we should be all set,” she said sternly. “Have a good night.” 

He felt stupid and cornered and tired all at once. Now, it was late, his throat hurt, and he was feeling disappointed. Again. He chanced a peek back into the studio, only to feel like the air had been physically punched out of his lungs. She was curled around his scarf, running it through her fingers. She rubbed it over her cheek, taking a deep breath. She looked like she was in physical pain as she held it close, taking in its scent-- _ his _ scent. Ryuu suddenly felt like his chest had a steel band around it. But it did one good thing for him. It had made his decision. 

Even if he had no idea how to do this, he wasn’t going to let it go. 

~~~

The dance studio was a terrible place to have in-depth conversations. Of that, Ryuu was convinced. Not only did he have to look himself in the eye--the wall-to-wall mirrors made him feel strangely exposed--but it  _ echoed _ . But it was the only time it could be just the three of them without hovering flocks of people, ready to steal tidbits of information for blogs and tabloids. 

He was buzzing with endorphins from a hard rehearsal--the choreography for their new song was a killer, and pushed all of them to their absolute limits--and he was helping Gaku with stretches. He pulled Gaku forward while he explained the situation, while Tenn checked his form in the mirror. He reminded Ryuu of a ballerina sometimes, but he chose not to disclose that information. 

Gaku sat up smoothly and pulled him into the stretch; “I thought you were letting this go.” 

“I was,” Ryuu said, groaning when he found a particularly tight area in his hip. He shifted until it was mildly more comfortable. “But now I’m not so sure.” 

“What changed?” 

It was tough to explain. It wasn’t exactly that she was attracted to him--that was nothing new to him. He thought it over and over, but the only answer he could come up with sounded kind of lame; “I don’t know. I guess I just feel… human around her. It’s weird.” 

“OK, I feel obligated to remind you that you’ve spent a cumulative two hours around her,” Gaku said, moving his legs into a split. “And she got kind of terse with you when you turned her down.”

“I didn’t turn her down,” Ryuu said. “I just… didn’t respond. And she wasn’t terse. I think she was just embarrassed. I think she assumes I get that a lot.”

“You do get that a lot,” Gaku sat in a more comfortable position, retrieving his water bottle. “But you’ve never expressed interest. Not until now.”

“She’s different,” Ryuu replied. “She’s not… she’s not pushy. She doesn’t assume I want to rip her clothes off with my teeth, and she doesn’t judge me for that. Plus, she just… seems really nice. Isn’t that where normal people start their relationships?” 

“We’re not normal,” Gaku said, his mouth setting into a thin grimace. “But… if you’re serious, I want to help.” 

“And how are you supposed to help?” Tenn interjected, plopping down next to them with his water bottle. “You’re not much better than he is.” 

“Shut up!” Gaku glowered at Tenn, color rising in his cheeks. 

“Please don’t,” Ryuu pleaded. “Tenn, you should cool off. You’ll be sore in the morning.” 

“Let him be sore. It’ll teach him,” Gaku grumbled. “Either way, if you want to pursue a relationship with this girl, then I will help.” 

“And again, I ask, how,” Tenn asked, smirking widely when Gaku scowled. 

“Well, I can start with some of the little details, like when she’s there--” 

“All the time. It’s kind of her job,” Tenn said. 

Gaku ignored him; “And what her contract is like, make sure you two crazy kids won’t get into some kind of trouble.” 

“And then what?” Ryuu asked. “Assuming we won’t get in trouble for this… could we? Get in trouble?” 

“If she’s not officially a Yaotome contractor, then no. Love bans get  _ really _ bad press these days, so we don’t have them in our contracts,” Gaku tapped his lip, staring at the shiny hardwood floor, deep in thought. “But after that, we can make it happen. I have faith in us.” 

“You are literally the only one,” Tenn said dryly. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really short chapter this time because I didn't want it to be too long 
> 
> Next chapter is The Lewds TM 
> 
> Thanks again to everyone who has left kudos and comments and just anyone reading!! You're really making my kokoro do the doki dokis, man :')


	4. Chapter 4

“We’re changing direction on the single.” 

Ryuu blinked, staring at his phone; “Umm… Gaku?” 

“Of course it’s Gaku! Who else would it be?” Gaku said. “Anyway, get over to the studio; Anesagi wants to change the direction on the single and-- _ shut up, Tenn _ \---and they want you to sing center.” 

Ryuu quirked his eyebrows; “Excuse me?”

“Yeah, they just figured your voice was more suited to this one-- _ shut  _ up _ , Tenn-- _ ugh… just get over to the studio!” Then, Gaku hung up on him. 

Ryuu smiled indulgently; “Gaku, you are many things, but subtle isn’t one of them.” 

Hoping he still had a band in the morning and going on faith they wouldn’t kill each other, he made his way over to the studio. He wouldn’t waste Gaku’s hard work. 

Considering the lateness of the hour, he wasn’t surprised the place was largely abandoned. There wasn’t even a receptionist, but the sign in sheet at the security stand told him she was in a rarely-used auxiliary studio. There weren’t a lot of times he was grateful for his recognizability, but when the security guard let him through without question was certainly one of those times. 

The studio was small, but comfortable. It really just consisted of a digital board, a bank of hard drives, a few screens and speakers, and two chairs. She was curled in the chair, wrapped in an oversized sweater, and glowering at the screen. She kept playing a part of her song over and over again, clicking her tongue before going back to the start. There was a bottle of something by her chair and an empty to-go cup in her hands.

He took a deep breath, steeling his courage. This was it. He knocked on the doorframe; “Maeda-san?” 

She started, whipped towards the door, and smiled at him. Her cheeks were ruddy, so either she’d just finished her coffee or there was something fun in that bottle; “Tsunashi-san! What are you doing here?” 

“I was in the neighborhood,” he said with more boldness than usual. “Is this a bad time?” 

“Not at all,” she replied, pouring some of the bottle’s contents into her to-go cup. “Just finishing up some tracks that were supposed to go to the producer tomorrow. I swear, some people can’t keep to a schedule anymore.”

“It smells like stale coffee in here,” he said, wrinkling his nose. “And… something else. What is that?”

“The coffee was to stay awake all night,” she grumbled, handing over the bottle for inspection. “The booze is to help me forget that I have a fucking degree for this and I worked damn hard to get here. Trying to get these 16-year-old jackasses’ tracks to sound remotely not-awful.” 

Ryuu turned the bottle over in his hands, his eyebrows shooting to his hairline when he saw the label; “Awamori?” 

“Yeah, I picked it up on my last trip to Okinawa,” she sniped, but the smirk she shot over her shoulder took out a lot of the sting. “Allow me my indulgences, please.” 

“I’m not judging. I’m from Okinawa; my first hangover was an Awamori hangover.” 

“Oh, so you’re here to distract me with adorable childhood stories, then? Bad boy,” she said, looking up from her work.

“Oh… I um… I’m sorry, I--” he stuttered, shifting from foot to foot. 

“Tsunashi-san,” she shot a dry look over the rim of her glasses, “I was kidding. I am always happy to see you.” 

This was it. This was the moment. She’d cracked the door that he’d effectively slammed shut last time, and he felt like this was the final opportunity. He could walk out, and then he would never be allowed to think about Maeda ever again. Or...“Gaku called me. He said I need to redo some tracks?” 

“You do?” Her eyes widened in panic before she frantically checked her tablet. “I’m not seeing any notes about the TRIGGER sessions. Are you sure? Do I need to call Anesagi-san?” 

Ryuu sighed--he was going to have to let Gaku know that it wasn’t nice to involve other people in his schemes; “No, that’s alright. We probably just got our signals crossed…but considering I’m here, do you mind if I hang around?”

“Oh… sure, I don’t mind the company,” she said, avoiding eye contact with him. “It’s going to be pretty dull, though. I’m just making finishing touches.”   

“I actually kind of find this stuff fascinating. I’ve never seen it all happen from this end before. Mind if I sit?” He set the bottle down and indicated the assistant’s chair. 

“Please,” she said, reaching into her bag. “I have spare cups if you want a drink.” 

They sat in companionable silence for a bit while he sipped at the familiar drink. He hummed in contentment, feeling the pleasant warmth spread to his fingertips. It was almost nostalgic. It tasted like home, and if he closed his eyes hard enough, he could almost smell the salty tang he’d come to associate with his childhood.

He watched her work for a bit longer, wrestling with the tracks, before apparently giving up and starting the mix down process. Judging by the progress bar on the screen, it was going to take a while. 

“So,” she said, turning down the volume as the board ran through the song. He watched the sliders and knobs move on their own with morbid fascination. “You’re from Okinawa?” 

“Who told you that?” 

She giggled brightly; “You did. Just now. Oh, and Google.” 

“Oh,” he flushed to his hairline, although that might have been the alcohol. He refilled his cup, if only so he had something to do with his hands. He was probably drinking too much, too fast, given the lightness he was feeling somewhere behind his eyes. “Yeah, born and raised.” 

“What’s it like?” She curled up into a ball in her chair, and he caught a flash of skin between the top of her thigh-high sock and her skirt. He hoped his blush could be attributed to alcohol. “I went there on a class trip, and recently on a business trip, but I know I didn’t see nearly enough of it.” 

“Well, it’s not that different,” he replied with a shrug. “A little more low key than Tokyo.”

“Do you miss it?” 

“I miss the ocean,” he said. “And my family. But I get back enough; I really do love it. There’s nowhere else like it. What about you? Where are you from?” 

“Kyoto,” she replied. “Well, actually, Los Angeles, but I grew up  in Kyoto.” 

He chuckled under his breath; “I went there on  _ my _ class trip.” 

“I’m assuming you  mean Kyoto,” she said around a laugh. “You’d never survive LA. You’re too cute.” 

He nearly spit out his drink in surprise, coughing into his elbow; “Warn a guy next time! And if I can survive Tokyo, I’d survive LA.” 

“Please, they’d eat you alive over there,” she countered. “But I wasn’t a native for long. We moved to Kyoto when I was three. Dad wanted to be closer to his family.” 

“What about your mom? Was she born in California?” 

“Yeah,” she said shortly, staring at the bottom of her cup. He sensed he’d stepped in something. “Sorry, I just… don’t like talking about my mom. So… you’ve been to Kyoto. What did you think?” 

“I liked it,” he replied easily. “I like the castles and the history. We took the train to Osaka one day and went to the aquarium, and that was fun. They had a jellyfish display that I remember really liking.” 

“Is there anything you don’t like?” Yumi laughed. Somehow, she’d become Yumi. 

He tapped his chin; there wasn’t anything in particular that he disliked… well, except-- “Snack cakes. Well, this specific brand of snack cakes. It’s not that I don’t like them, but TRIGGER did this endorsement for them for a Halloween campaign, and I think I ended up eating about… 1,800 of them.” 

“That is an exaggeration,” Yumi laughed. 

“Regardless, I went home and I think I collapsed into a sugar coma and didn’t come out of it fully for about four days. I still get a bit sick at the smell of fake coconut.” 

“Ouch!” She was giggling. He liked it when she giggled. “So you liked Osaka Aquarium. Why am I not surprised?” 

“I’m not exactly subtle about my love of the ocean,” he replied. “But you know everything about  me--tell me about you.” 

“There’s not much to tell,” she said. “Raised in Kyoto, studied in Tokyo, hired out of college to this studio, and have been working my ass off ever since. I’ve basically lived here since I started. It sort of put a bit of a damper on my social life… well, until you came along.”

He quirked his eyebrows; “What’s that supposed to mean?” 

She stared at her empty cup for a minute, not making eye contact. The blush on her cheeks was even more pronounced than just alcoholic glow; “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. Not since we met.”

He swallowed hard, feeling emboldened by the mild buzz he’d worked up; “Why, because I’m ‘wild and sexy?’” He curled his fingers into air quotes. 

“No,” she answered candidly. “Because you were the type of guy who would give your scarf to a total stranger for knocking her coffee into her.” 

A silence settled over them, nothing but the smell of awamori and the hum of machines to keep them company. He was at sort of a loss--he had zero frame of reference for this sort of thing--but there was something significant about the atmosphere. Like it was going somewhere. Now, he just had to try and not screw it up. 

“I like your skirt,” he said, nodding at the eyelash lace around the hem. “You always look like you just came from a date.” 

“Well, I’m the best at what I do,” she said flippantly, but her expression was frustratingly shuttered. “So they don’t tend to mind what I wear. But in this case, this was apparently an emergency, and they interrupted a date.” 

“You were on a date,” he asked, feeling something dark uncurl in his chest and snarl. He didn’t like the feeling, and he gripped the front of his shirt tight enough he heard the seams strain. 

“Yeah… didn’t go well, though,” she shot him a heated look. “My mind was… elsewhere.” 

“Elsewhere?” 

She snorted, pushing her hair out of her face; “I’m trying to flirt with you here, Tsunashi-san. You’re making it very difficult, though.” 

“I’m sorry,” he said, scratching at the back of his head. He pulled a face at the feel of hours-old hairspray. “I’m not… good at this sort of thing.” 

“I gathered,” she came closer to him, standing close enough he could smell her floral perfume, “but it’s ok. I think it’s cute. I think you’re cute.”

“You… umm… aren’t so bad yourself,” he said lamely, his hands tightening into fists on his knees. God, why was he so  _ bad _ at this? 

She took his hands in hers, startling him, and placed his palms over her hips. His fingers tightened on instinct, and he turned towards her body’s warmth like a daisy to the sun. She laughed softly--a husky, instantly addictive sound--and bent close enough to whisper in his ear. Her breath ghosted over his ear, setting his nerves alight; “I want to kiss you, Tsunashi. Would that be alright?” 

He gasped, turning his face into her neck, before nodding slowly. Tentatively. He might have whispered ‘ _ yes _ ’ but he honestly couldn’t remember. She gently pressed against his jaw, lifting his face to hers, before pressing her lips against his. He whimpered, suddenly feeling like a man dying of thirst getting his first sip of water. He jolted in his seat, itching to pull her closer. She sank into his embrace, cradling the back of his head to deepen the kiss. 

His lips parted, and she accepted his silent invitation. Her tongue slipped inside, teasing against his, tickling along the roof of his mouth. He felt so lost--he had no idea what to do--but the way she rocked against him felt so amazing he couldn’t bring himself to care. Tentatively, he touched his tongue to hers, and she responded so enthusiastically that his entire blood supply ran south. 

She pulled away from him with a wet smack, a strand of saliva connecting them; “You can hold me a little tighter, you know.” 

His arms tightened around her waist, and she was kissing him again, and it was all too much. He wanted  _ more _ , and he didn’t know how to ask. Thankfully, she seemed to know what do to, and she slid her knee between his thighs. He rutted against her, seeking friction on instinct, and she sucked his lower lip between her teeth as she pulled away. He keened at the sharp sensation, following her retreating mouth in a daze. 

“Do you want me to touch you?” She ran her fingers through his hair, scraping her nails over his scalp, and the sensation lit a fire in his stomach. He nodded, burying his face against her chest to hide the brilliant blush flaming on his face. She squeezed his thighs, scraping her teeth over his ear, before she toyed with his zipper. “Are you sure?” 

“Please,” he whispered, trying to stop himself from shaking. He was so overwhelmed, between the alcohol and the new sensations and just  _ her _ … he felt out of control. “Please… touch me.” 

She unzipped him so slowly, he thought he could count the teeth on the zipper. He nearly cried out when he felt her hands on him. He was hard. So hard, he was red, weeping, and twitching in her hands. She watched him with morbid fascination, clear and overt hunger in her eyes as she sank to her knees before him.

“God, you’re big,” she breathed, her eyes wide. She squeezed lightly, making him yelp with sudden pleasure. “Fuck, my fingers don’t touch. I should have known, given your hands…”

“My… my hands?” He knew he was freakishly large---it had been pointed out to him more than once--and he’d always been embarrassed about it. But something about the way she said it made something primal inside him glow with pride. 

“They’re huge,” she said, pumping him slowly, deliberately. “Honestly they were the first thing I noticed about you… you’re so hot. I want you so badly.”

Her eyes burned into him, making heat pool in his groin and fire burn in his stomach. He wondered if that myth about alcohol impeding performance was true, because he felt like he might explode in her hands. He took deep breaths, trying to calm down, but all he could feel was her hand on him, her breath against the head, her eyes on him… 

“Relax,” she said softly, rolling her hand from the base to the tip. His hips lifted to follow the sensation. “Let me take care of you.”

He wasn’t totally naive--he’d touched himself before--but this was totally different. She moved at an unhurried pace, like she was content to spend hours doing it. Her sweet body pressed against his leg, and all thoughts evaporated from his mind. There was nothing but the squeeze of her hand and the throb of his erection and the illicit, booze-hazy thrill. She groped him with both hands, gently twisting, and tapped the underside of the shaft with her fingertips. 

“How’s that?” She asked. 

He couldn’t answer. It was a barrage of sensation that made his toes curl in his shoes and his hips lift with every upstroke. It wouldn’t be long and he would past the point of no return. His head fell back, because looking at her between his legs was too much, but all that did was egg her on. She sped up, twisting as she got to the top; he didn’t know where to put his hands. His instincts made him want to touch her hair, but he didn’t want to be disrespectful… 

A wet touch startled his eyes open; she ran her tongue along the underside in a hot, wet stripe. He clenched his fist, but everything was tightening up anyway. 

“I’m… I’m not going to last,” he whimpered. 

“I wouldn’t expect you to,” she said, a sultry note to her voice. “I am very good.” 

He swore under his breath, rocketing past his peak, and he couldn’t warn her before he came explosively in her hand. He bit into the meat of his palm to stop himself from screaming. She pulled her soiled hand away, pressing a gentle kiss to his softening cock. Then, the warmth of her body was gone. He made a confused noise under his breath, barely resisting the urge to reach out for her like a child. 

“You didn’t… I mean… I didn’t…” he stuttered. He could see her thighs pressing together, and judging by the high flush in her chest and the way her nipples strained at her shirt, she was miserably turned on. It was obvious. “Let me. Please.” 

“You don’t have to,” she said, wiping her hand off with a few tissues from her bag. His scarf was folded neatly on the top. 

His eyes darkened, something possessive blooming in his chest. It wasn’t a claim, per se, but he wanted to see it. He wanted to see her fall apart because of his actions. He gave her hand a tug, letting her step between his legs. She was so  _ soft _ and her body gave so easily. The heat of her was instantly addictive, and he could already see himself getting hooked on her smell; “I want to. Just… give me a little guidance. And I’ll… I want to.” 

She grinned at him, pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth. It was a shockingly intimate gesture, and it nearly took his breath away. She took his hand, sliding up her body until he cupped her breast. He gave her an experimental squeeze, thumbing over the tumesced nub of her nipple, and she jerked in his arms. He did it again, rolling her nipple between his thumb and forefinger, and she  _ keened _ . He logged that information away for later. 

He let his fingers glide down her body, mapping her generous curves under her clothes, and watched as her breathing hitched and accelerated in her chest. She shivered when he slid his hand under her shirt, and he drew a sharp breath in through his teeth when he felt how  _ warm _ she was. 

“Please,” she begged, trembling under his hands. He felt about twenty meters tall… like he could do anything. The cave man in him roared with delight and pounded his chest. 

He flipped her skirt out of the way, his eyes zeroed in on the dark scrap of wine-colored lace between her legs. Part of him wanted her to take them off, so he could see her. Part of him wanted her to leave them on, because they were so, so pretty. He rubbed the back of his knuckle over the apex of her thighs, and… damn, she was so  _ hot _ . She was so hot and wet, and his spent dick twitched with interest. Her moist, heady smell made his mouth water. 

“Just… tell me what to do,” he said, pushing her panties out of the way. 

“Something,” she begged, rolling her hips. “Anything. Ryunosuke,  _ please _ .” 

He went achingly slow, watching her carefully for any reaction. He swirled her wetness over her labia, pulling the lips apart and pushing them back together. She squirmed at the bare friction, her knees shaking in an attempt to keep her upright. He moved his fingers further in, and when he found  _ something _ he knew it was the right spot. It was a hard, swollen little nub that made her jolt like she’d been shocked. She rocked against his hand, her hips moving in frantic little circles, and he mimicked the movement. He knew the basic mechanics of a woman’s body--his father and him had had “the talk” after all--he just had no clue  _ how _ to go about pleasing her. So he let her guide him. 

“More,” she begged, her fingers reflexively clenching and unclenching in his hair. “Please.  _ Please,  _ Ryunosuke.” 

He gasped and his stomach flipped. He liked it when she said his name; the words stuck in his throat, coming out instead as a strangled whine. He pushed his fingers back to her entrance, spreading it, but not breaching. “May I… go inside?” 

“Fuck, please… anything. Please. I just need… please.” 

He was quickly developing a taste for her begging. He carefully pressed two fingers inside, groaning at the feeling. She sucked him up so easily, she was so ready; it was hot and wet and soft and so, so tight. He felt the ring of muscle at the entrance contract around his fingers; he pictured all that soft heat around more sensitive parts, and he groaned with need. 

She reached between her legs, adjusting his hand so his thumb was pressed right against her clit. Then, she started rolling her hips in a frantic rhythm. Judging by the flutters of her internal muscles, she was close. He couldn’t do much, but he maintained pressure when she needed it, and her whimpers of pleasure sent electricity racing down his spine. 

“Do… do this,” she gasped, making a ‘come here’ gesture with her fingers. Ryuu copied her, trying to work with her to find… whatever she was trying to find. He knew he found it when he felt a spongy spot with his fingertips and she moaned, long and low and  _ loud _ . “Fuck, yes, right there.” 

“Sssh, Maeda-san,” he pleaded. “Please be quiet. Someone will hear!”

She nodded, burying her face into his shoulder and whimpering in his ear. He took his free hand and rubbed soothing circles on her back, pressing his lips to her temple. Her legs gave out, and she bottomed out on his hand. She winced, but clearly, it pushed her over the edge, because with a few desperate thrusts of her hips, she came all over his hand. He felt four strong pulses before she twitched and relaxed against him. 

“Please, take it out,” she whimpered, shifting her hips. 

“Oh, sorry,” he carefully took his hand out, holding it away from her so as not to soil her shirt. He used his clean hand to hold her close, feeling strangely spent and vulnerable and emotional. He listened as her breathing slowly returned to normal, but then reality hit him square in the jaw. He’d just had his first sexual encounter with a near stranger while tipsy in a  _ very _ public place. A place he worked, no less. And now, he was paralyzed. “I…don’t know what comes next.” 

“Well,” she pulled away from him, still straddling his thighs and maintaining their connection. “I guess… that’s up to you. I’m OK with this just being a one-and-done sort of thing, but…” she brushed her thumb against his lower lip, smiling softly when they parted under her touch, “I’d love to see you again.” 

He nuzzled his nose against the column of her throat; “I want to see you again. I want to… do this again. Preferably in a bedroom. If you don’t mind.” 

She giggled; “You get kind of smooth when you’re tipsy. Or post coitus. Or both. I like it.” 

“Better than my awkward fumbling?” He tried to go for a wry smirk, but it probably came out more a pained grimace. 

“Hmm… about 50/50, I’d say,” she said with the brightest grin. She was like sunshine, and he wished he could capture it all in a jar and keep it for long, lonely nights. “How about this, then. I’ll call you.” 


	5. Chapter 5

He didn’t expect a call the next day. They were both busy people, after all. 

He didn’t expect one all week, really. Summer was the busiest time of the year for him; they were both hard-working young people. His schedule had been extended to the point where he was starting to feel like four hours of sleep was totally and completely normal. Still, every night he checked his phone for texts, emails, or missed calls… and nothing. He would admit it stung a bit, but he understood. 

However, as one week turned to two, he noticed the sharp sting of rejection poking him in the side. He was no stranger to being treated like a faceless sex symbol, but she knew better. She knew it was his first time. He’d always wanted it to be… special. Nothing was turning out like it should have. To make matters worse, now that he knew what it felt like to be touched--now that he knew what he was missing--he needed it more. Despite his exhaustion at the end of the day, there were times when he’d lie awake wishing there was a warm body next to him… curled around him…  _ holding _ him. 

Gaku had started off strong and supportive for him. He’d been taken aback by the exact circumstances, thinking it was a touch out of character for Ryuu, but he had supported him. He’d even been there to reassure him when Yumi hadn’t called. But now? Now he was just angry. 

“Just forget about her,” he said, scrubbing his hands through his overly-coiffed hair. He always hated how CA4LA styled his hair for their ads. “She has no idea what she’s missing out on.” 

“Yeah, I know...”  Ryuu said, sinking further into his sweatshirt. He stared at the day’s schedule without actually reading it. “Still hurts, though.” 

Gaku put a reassuring hand on his shoulder; “I know. And I want to say there’s an explanation, but… I don’t want to get your hopes up.” 

“Maybe there  _ is _ an explanation,” Ryuu said, turning the tablet over and over in his hands. “It’s only been two weeks.”

“It has.” Gaku squeezed his shoulder gently, his mouth pulled into a bitter frown. “I can’t think of one, but it has only been two weeks.” 

He felt stupid and used. He also felt a little resentful of that tiny little glimmer of optimism in his chest; they were both busy people. She was in the industry--she knew this. Hell, she probably had access to his schedule, given that they were technically working together. Maybe she was giving him some space. But then, the dark little voice--the meanest part of his psyche--reminded him that she could have easily texted him.

He tried to shut out the confusing swirl of emotions while he and Gaku drove to the script reading for their new drama. Tenn was in interviews all day about his collaborative single for a separate drama he was slated to costar in with Nanase from IDOLiSH7. Ryuu wished Tenn was there. He may have been blunt and mean sometimes, but he always offered perspective. He made Ryuu feel grounded--he sort of reminded him of his little brothers back home. If anything, playing buffer between Tenn and Gaku’s constant bickering would at least give him something to do instead of sitting and worrying. 

The day dragged from there. As was the case with most dramas, the show wasn’t actually  _ about _ the plot. It looked interesting enough, and certainly fit his image; he was looking forward to the period costuming. That was always fun. But it was classic love-triangle nonsense, with two characters fighting over the same girl. Really lingering on fictional drama had little distraction or comfort to offer with his own relationship drama. 

_ Except it wasn’t even a relationship. It was a one-night stand. I was a piece of ass to her; that’s all. This should be nothing new to me--women treat me like this all the time, and I’ve always miraculously avoided getting involved. What’s so different this time? _

Ryuu shook himself, rolling his shoulders, and tried to banish that awful voice. He hadn’t heard it in so long--not since President Yaotome had berated him for his accent early in his career. He was having trouble focusing on what was being said, instead highlighting his lines and making notes where he could. They were slated to start filming in a week or so to get the first episodes up as the schools were letting out for summer break. The reading was really meant to have him get to know the rest of the cast. To kill time during a break, he perused the list of cast and crew. He’d worked with a good chunk of them before--there were a few idols on the list, as well as standard actors--and the director had done one of TRIGGER’s better music videos. But, when he got to the sound crew, he froze. 

_ Post-Production Engineer: Maeda Yumi _

Post-production. She likely wouldn’t be on set. It might not even be the same Maeda Yumi. But his heart still clenched at the sight of her name… of the thought of working with her. Again. They worked well together. That he would at least admit. But he needed to talk to her, or he would be distracted the whole time, or worse, if he saw her on set he’d likely get emotional. He’d promised himself before all of this that he’d be a professional about it. He couldn’t let his brief foray into romance affect his career. He couldn’t afford it. 

Still, he needed to talk to her, but there was a problem. He didn’t have her number. He could get it pretty easily, but that just sounded so much like stalking that he wanted to avoid it. He mulled over the problem as much as he could until he was headed home late that night. It was perhaps a little earlier than he’d been headed home the past few weeks, but it was still extremely late, and it was pouring rain. He decided to make the short walk to his apartment instead of being driven--it helped clear his head. Besides, the clothes he was wearing needed to be put in the wash anyway. He had a day off coming up, so he could probably just hang them up in the bathroom--

His train of thought was interrupted by a body colliding with his hard enough to force a woof of pain out of him. He caught them on instinct and they were drenched. When they pulled back, bowing and apologizing profusely, his eyes widened; “Maeda-san…” 

Yumi stared at him, mouth agape, and something shimmered in her dark brown eyes that he couldn't identify; “Tsunashi...-san. I’m sorry, I didn’t see you there.” 

“What are you doing out here?” He raised his eyebrows; she looked like a drowned rat. “You’re soaked!”

“Yeah, work ran late, and I forgot my umbrella at home,” she said, rubbing at the back of her neck sheepishly. Her hair was plastered to her head, and the blouse she was wearing had gone shockingly see-through. He averted his eyes before adjusting so his umbrella covered both of them. “Thanks. I figured I’d just run to the station to try and catch the last train, but… I think I missed it.” 

“My apartment isn’t far,” he said, feeling a bit like he was finding a lost kitten. “You can use my dryer, and then we can call you a taxi or something.” 

“Tsunashi-san, that’s not necessary,” she said, but she was shivering--it was still technically spring, after all. “I couldn’t put you out.” 

“Please,” he said, falling into step beside her. “I insist.” 

“Well, thank you,” she said softly, waving in front of her. “Lead the way.” 

They walked in relative silence, her heels clicking against the sidewalk their only accompaniment. He didn’t exactly know what to say. But fate had given him another chance, and he was going to take it. Thankfully, his building wasn’t far, and Maeda made a pleased little hum once they got inside. Her slim-fitting pencil skirt and thin blouse offered little protection from the elements.

The long ride up the elevator didn’t do much for his steadily-increasing awareness of her. She was wearing her floral perfume again. Her skin was definitely cold, but he could still feel her body heat in such close quarters. Her hair was pushed away from her face and was slowly starting to curl as it dried. She kept sneaking glances at him out of the corner of her eye, and she flushed whenever they made eye contact. Part of him wanted to corner her right then and there--demand answers and ask why she’d just… disappeared. But another part of him just wanted to get her inside and taken care of.

She seemed taken aback by his apartment, and he couldn’t help but be amused. Most people didn’t expect the warm hardwood, rustic colors, and soft textures. It wasn’t nearly as fancy as Gaku’s place, but he liked it that way. It relaxed him--his own little oasis above the city. It was a bit of a mess--he hadn’t had a day off in a while, so he was behind on chores--but at the moment he wasn’t trying to impress her with his housekeeping skills. 

“The shower is through here,” he said, pushing open the bathroom door. “Feel free to use the dryer for your clothes, if you can. I’ll bring you a towel and something to wear.” 

“Thanks,” she murmured, hugging herself tightly. He didn’t know if it was because she was cold, or if she was uncomfortable. “You know… you don’t have to do this.”

He rescued his toothbrush and face wash from the medicine cabinet; “I know. I want to, though.” 

Her eyes narrowed; “But why?” 

He contemplated it for a moment before shrugging; “I’ll be back with a towel.” 

“Tsunashi-san…” She paused for a long time before giving him a little snort of laughter. “I was just going to ask if you had make-up remover, and then I realized… stupid question.” 

He laughed; “Top shelf of the medicine cabinet. The dryer is in that closet there.” 

He washed his face and brushed his teeth in the kitchen with a touch more force than totally necessary. He was  _ painfully _ aware of the fact that she was in the next room, and all it did was call to mind the sensations of her hands on him, his hands in her, the heat of her body, the plush give of her hips… 

He shook himself. It was not the time to be thinking about things like that; he went into his dresser, fishing out the first t-shirt he put his hands on and a pair of soft sweatpants he often reserved for sleep. He changed as quickly as he could, lingering too long on what to wear--which was ridiculous, considering he was just changing into sleepwear, not for a date--before knocking softly on the bathroom door. 

“Maeda-san, I’m leaving these right outside the door,” he called, not daring to peek inside. His shower door was entirely glass, and he wasn’t sure his heart could take even seeing her naked silhouette. 

“Thanks,” she called back. “Thanks again for this. I’m almost done.” 

“Take your time,” he said, totally breathless. He massaged at his breastbone, trying to ease the overinflated-balloon feeling in his chest. 

He made tea, if only for something to do with his hands; he nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard the bathroom door open. Her face was scrubbed clean, and her damp hair was done in a braid down her back. She was wearing his t-shirt and pants, but the pants were comically large on her. They were cuffed at least four times. 

“Those are huge on you.” He had to fight laughter--she looked so damn cute… 

“Well, if you weren’t so damn tall, we wouldn’t have the issue,” she said with a laugh. “Honestly, they’re kind of uncomfortable. Your hips and thighs are slimmer than mine.” 

“Did you find everything you needed?” He bit his lip, keenly aware of the fact that she most definitely wasn’t wearing a bra. He tried to keep those thoughts under control, or it would be a very long night.

“It wasn’t hard; you don’t have a lot,” she said. “I was honestly expecting some ridiculous 15-step Korean skin-care routine and about 8 different hair products.”

“No, that’s Gaku,” Ryuu said with a laugh. “I made tea.” 

She curled up on the couch with him, a respectful distance between them, and cradled a mug in her hands. It felt strangely domestic, which probably wasn’t good. 

“I wouldn’t have blamed you, you know,” she said suddenly. “If you’d just let me go. Left me there. You didn’t have to do this.” 

“I’m not helping you because I have to, Maeda-san. I want to.” He ran his fingertips along the rim of his mug, staring at his reflection in his dark, tall windows. He caught her shifting uncomfortably out of the corner of his eye. 

“‘Maeda-san,’” she said with a bitter huff. “I am literally wearing your clothes after I took a shower in your bathroom, and you’re calling me ‘Maeda-san.’” 

“You’re calling me ‘Tsunashi-san’ again,” he replied. He wouldn’t look up from his feet. “I’m just following your lead.” 

“Would you prefer me to call you ‘Ryunosuke?’” She finally looked at him, and her dark eyes bored into him. He shivered at the sound of his name in her voice. 

“I don’t know what I want,” he said honestly, rubbing his knuckles into his chest again. “I just… want to know why you didn’t call. You said you would and… you didn’t.” 

“I didn’t.” She curled into a ball, hugging her knees. She looked away, like she was ashamed of herself. “I didn’t. And you didn’t deserve that. I don’t want to make excuses, because I don’t… I don’t want to manipulate you. But I do like you.” 

“Then  _ why _ ?” Ryuu demanded. He finally crumpled, that little spark of pain and betrayal fanning into angry flames. “Was I just a  _ trophy? _ Some sort of… special notch on your belt?” 

“No!” Maeda… Yumi made an aborted movement like she was going to take his hand, but her hands curled into tight fists on her lap. “No, Tsun… Ryunosuke. Despite the circumstances, what we shared was special to me.”

“Well it was special to me too,” he said bitterly. “I’ve never… I’ve never been with anyone. Ever. So if it was so special, then… why? I want to know. Please.” 

There was a sharp intake of breath, and she shifted, like she was getting closer. He wasn’t sure if he wanted her to; “Because… you’re Tsunashi Ryunosuke. You’re… talented and desirable; you’re beautiful. We were drunk, and you’re one of the most desired men in the country. I just thought… what were the odds that someone like you would want someone like me.” 

His heart clenched painfully when he heard the note of self-loathing in her voice; “I don’t take those things lightly, and we weren’t  _ that _ drunk. If I didn’t want you, then I wouldn’t have let it go. I wouldn’t have been there at all.” 

“I know,” she said. 

“You hurt me.” 

“I know. And...I know I have no right to ask for a second chance,” she took a deep, slow breath, prompting Ryuu to actually look at her. “I screwed up, Ryunosuke. You didn’t deserve that, and I’m sorry. And if I’ve screwed it up between us forever, then I totally get it. I understand. I’ll dry my clothes and I’ll leave and we never have to speak again outside of work. But… but if there’s a chance that you’ll give me another chance… I really like you. I like you a lot. And… I’d like to keep seeing you. If I can.” 

His heart beat so fast and so hard, he could hear it pounding in his ears; “How do I know that this won’t happen again? My heart… my heart couldn’t take it.” 

She fished her phone out of the pocket of the sweatpants, tapping out something quick, and waited. A few seconds later, Ryuu’s phone chirped to life with a new text message. 

“That’s my number,” she said, squeezing her eyes shut. “Use it, or don’t. I can take whatever answer you choose.”

He stared at her for a long time, watching her shake in his presence. He felt powerful, and not in a good way--like he was holding her beating heart in his hands, and he could crush it with a twitch of his fingers, if he chose. He’d never liked the idea of being a heartbreaker. 

Feeling bolder than he’d felt in years, he gently cradled her jaw, angling her face up for a soft kiss. Her lips trembled underneath his, but they were pliable and soft, and moving slowly under his. With tentative fingers, she squeezed his hands, shifting closer to him on the couch. They said more than he ever could with words, and the unbearable heat of her body was scorching against his chilled skin. There was suddenly too much space between them, and he needed to be pressed against her. He fisted his hands into her t-shirt and tugged, the seams straining under his grip. 

“Hold on, I can’t… hold on,” she growled against his lips. She pulled back briefly to shimmy the pants off, revealed thick, smooth thighs. He drew in a sharp breath through his teeth, nearly sobbing when she threw a leg over his hips. When she settled against him, he immediately wrapped his arms around her, closing the distance between them. “There… that’s better.” 

He groaned, meeting her kiss with gusto. He felt out of control and primal; she was soft in all the right places, with delicious give under his hands and over his legs. He held her so tight his arms shook, and he was so lost in just the feeling of her lips on his… 

“Ryunosuke,” she said, pulling back with a wrinkled nose. “I appreciate the enthusiasm, but too  much tongue.” 

He felt like she’d just thrown a bucket of ice water on him; “Oh. I’m so sorry. I’ve just… never done this before. I’m not very good.” He dipped his head, hiding his red face beneath his fringe, until he felt her hands on his cheeks. 

She was grinning when she tilted his head up to look at her. She squished his cheeks affectionately, rubbing her nose against his; “Relax. You’re a performer, right? You should know that practice makes perfect.” She held his chin firmly between her thumb and forefinger, gently encouraging his lips to part. He shivered and his hands curled into fists as his skin flamed where it touched her. “Let me show you what I like, yeah?” 

He nodded, squeezing his eyes shut. She started with little pecks against his mouth that barely lingered, making him ache for more. Her tongue gently flickered across his lower lip, a tease but not nearly enough to satisfy, before she started to apply a little bit of suction. They were short kisses, almost chaste, but she had him panting in just a few brushes of her mouth, and she’d just gotten started. By the time her tongue curled between his parted lips, flicking along his tongue and the roof of his mouth, he was ready to cry. It was too much, and yet not enough.

“Please,” he whispered, trying to stop himself from shaking. “More… please.”

She hummed under her breath, a pleased little sound, that shot straight through him. Her lips vibrated against his before she pressed in for a firmer kiss, sealing her mouth against his. He tried to respond with equal enthusiasm, but before he could do much, she sucked the tip of his tongue  _ hard _ . He keened in the back of his throat, and he jerked his hips up so suddenly he nearly unseated her completely. 

He pulled away with a gasp, feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and wired all at the same time. It was a new feeling; he  _ liked _ it. She smirked down at him, her braid coming undone and framing her face in long, messy tendrils. She looked debauched, with her kiss-swollen lips and ruddy cheeks. He wanted more. And yet…

“I don’t…” he swallowed hard. “I don’t want to have sex tonight.” 

He didn’t know what he expected, but the gentle caress against his cheek and the affectionate nuzzle against his temple wasn’t it; “I don’t blame you. Besides we don’t have protection. I don’t think. I’m ok just kissing you and waiting until you’re ready… if you’re ever ready.” 

“If?” He tilted his head in askance. 

“If you never want to have sex with me, that’s fine,” she said, running her hands through his hair, focusing on his bangs. Her soft touch felt unbelievable, and he shivered. “If you do, that’s fine too. Either way, I’m ready when you are.” 

His lip wobbled. He pulled her close, burying his face into the crook of her neck and laying kisses along her collarbone. She hummed with pleasure at the sensation, giggling when his 5-o’clock-shadow tickled her neck. It was nice. This was nice. It was nice having someone respect him, see him as more than a piece of meat to be ogled. It was nice having someone to unwind with, someone in his home, a warm body to hold… 

He could get used to this. 


	6. Chapter 6

His alarm blared too early the next morning. He groaned, burying his face in his pillow. He was normally a morning person, and getting up before the sun to go running was part of his routine, but he’d been up late. 

“Ugh, I can’t move,” Yumi grumbled, burying her face in her pillow. “You get up this early? Are you crazy?” 

“No, just busy,” Ryuu murmured, stretching hugely. He peeled back the blankets, grinning foolishly when he saw her curled against his chest. Her hair was a total disaster, and there was a smear of leftover mascara under her eyes, making her dark circles look more pronounced. She was beautiful. He ran his knuckle along her cheekbone, grinning when she squirmed against him. “You don’t have to get up. I’m going for a run; you can sleep.” 

“No, I’ll get up. I should get coffee before my yoga class.” Instead of getting up, though, she snaked her arms around his waist, drawing meaningless shapes on his lower back. He wriggled in her arms, trying not to laugh at the ticklish sensations. She laughed at him. “You’re so sensitive.” 

“Well, this is new,” he said, burying his face in her hair to hid his flush. “I’ve never spent the night with someone before.” 

She laughed, poking him in the side; “I meant that you were ticklish, you goob.” 

“Oh.” His cheeks and ears flamed even more, and he felt so warm he knew she could feel it. “Well, my statement stands.” 

“Well, I’m honored to be the first,” she said, burrowing a little deeper into the blankets. “God, your bed is so good. I have no idea how you leave it every day.” 

“It’s a struggle,” he sighed. More so, that day, because she was in it with him. If he was a reckless man, he would have been calling Anesagi to plead illness so he could spend all day in bed with her.

There was a strange rhythm to getting ready with someone else in the apartment. He fished his last pair of running tights out of the bottom of his laundry basket and started prepping for his run. Yumi was attempting to straighten out her clothes in his bedroom mirror with minimum success.

“I can get my iron out, if you need it,” he said, rolling his shoulder to loosen it up. 

“Nah, no matter what I do, everyone’s going to know I’m doing the walk of shame,” she answered with a shrug. “Might as well wear it with pride.” 

He swallowed hard, fidgeting with his music player; “You’re not… actually ashamed. Right?” 

“Not at all!” She turned towards him, her smile bright and warm. “It’s just an expression. I’m going to have to exert genuine effort to not tell everyone I see I’m dating you.”

He snorted, and he wanted to wrap his arms around her again and just hold her close, but if he did that he would never get the day started. Instead, he settled for taking her hand in his, running his thumb along her knuckles in soft swipes. 

“I want to see you again,” he said softly. 

“Well, the feeling is mutual,” she replied, giving his fingers a squeeze. “But,” his heart clenched for a heartstopping moment, “when? I’ve seen your schedule, and it’s not pretty.” 

“I’m going to get a few more days off during exam season,” he said, although the assurance was hollow. He was sure Anesagi would fill the empty time. There was a big reason idols didn’t date a lot. “And I have a break at the end of summer.” 

“We’ll… we’ll work it out, OK?” Her dark eyes bored into him, her full lips set into a stubborn line. “I don’t care if I get to see you once a year; I want to make this work.” 

“I want to see you more than that!” His stomach did a weird little flip when she laced their fingers together. “Promise me we’ll see each other more than that.” 

She gave him a sad, sweet little smile; she gave his knuckles a soft kiss before pressing his hand to her forehead; “I promise. But in the meantime, we’ll text. For real this time.” 

He knew they would too--he had her number this time.

~~~

He learned a few things about Yumi in the weeks that followed. 

First off, apparently her “yoga class” was Bikram yoga, which Tenn tried to describe to him, and it sounded intense. 

Second, she sent pictures like they were going out of style. Selfies, pictures of food, of cool things she saw, things she was doing, anything. 

Third, she didn’t expect immediate replies. He would sometimes have a string of ten or so unread texts that she described as “presents for later.” 

Most importantly, he learned she was funny. She had an incredible passion and a wicked sense of humor that came out in full force over text. What was even better was he was able to respond in kind--despite everything, he was still nervous around her, so being able to just talk to her without his own anxieties getting in the way was refreshing.

He was in his combat practice for the historical drama he was working on when he got a picture from her depicting a pair of headphones priced at well over 100,000¥. 

**_Yumi:_ ** _ See’s it’s stuff like this that makes me  _ loathe _ the hi-fi movement! _

**_Me:_ ** _ So they’re not good headphones? _

**_Yumi:_ ** _ Oh, I’m sure they’re perfectly fine, but they can not possibly have specs that justify that price tag! A good pair of over-ear studio monitors shouldn’t run you more than 10,000. I bought my Sennheisers at a trade show five years ago for about 5,000 and they’re still good! I just never use them in the studio because ~a good engineer doesn’t use headphones when they’re mixing!~ If you don’t let the sound develop, how will you know what your mids sound like?! Tell me that, Ryuu! _

“She is strangely passionate about headphones,” Gaku suddenly said, right at his ear.

“Gaku! Don’t do that!” Ryuu nearly jumped out of his skin; he hadn’t even heard Gaku come over.

“I was just wondering what had you looking all gooey at your phone,” Gaku laughed, nudging Ryuu in the shoulder. “You were distracted.”

“Yeah,” Ryu said, trying to will his racing heart to slow. “Yumi’s being funny.” 

“About headphones? She’s an interesting girl, I’ll give you that.” Gaku smiled, smacking Ryuu hard between the shoulders. “But it’s ‘Yumi’ now, hm? So it’s going well.” 

“Yeah, I haven’t seen her in a while, though.” Ryuu smiled fondly at the pouty selfie she’d taken next to the overpriced headphones. She was growing her hair out. “I miss her.” 

“Yeah, we’ve been busy,” Gaku said, a note of bitterness in his voice. “Did you invite her to IdolFesta? I’m pretty sure you can swing a ticket for your girlfriend.” 

Ryuu flushed… girlfriend. His first one. The word felt strange to him…  _ girlfriend _ ; “I’m sure she’s busy.” 

“You’ll never know if you don’t ask,” Gaku said. 

There was something up with Gaku. He had a lost look in his eye that was very unlike him at all. Ryuu narrowed his eyes before giving his friend a soft smile; “You know, we should probably do something tonight. Who knows when our next day off is going to be. How about we go out?”

“Sounds fun,” Gaku replied. “I’ve been wanting to check out  _ GinUyoku _ . It’s apparently new and very exclusive. We should be able to fly under the radar there. It’s mostly people in the business, from what I’ve heard.” 

“What is it, a club?” Ryuu shrugged. “I’m in.” 

“I’ll leave you to your texting, then,” Gaku said, poking Ryuu in the side. “Tell her I said hi.”

Ryuu tapped on his phone screen a few times, trying to figure out how to ask. IdolFesta wasn’t his biggest show of the year, but it was large--high profile and right smack in the middle of the busy summer season--and as odd as it was, he wanted her there. He wanted her to see him perform. 

**_Me:_ ** _ What are you doing August 8th? _

**_Yumi:_ ** _ I might be leaving for a business trip for a few weeks around then. Why?  _

**_Me:_ ** _ Well, IdolFesta is that weekend and TRIGGER is performing. I’d like it if you could go.”  _

**_Yumi:_ ** _!!!!! Hasn’t IdolFesta been sold-out for ages!? Ryuu, I’d love to see you perform!  _

**_Me:_ ** _ I’ll see what I can do, then. Hopefully, I’ll see you before then.  _

**_Yumi:_ ** _ That is not even funny; I miss you so much it’s crazy. I’m pretty sure my friend is ready to throttle me. _

He didn’t have much longer until he had to get back to rehearsal, but he couldn’t help the giddy swirl of boyish affection in his chest. It took all his effort not to throw his phone in his excitement. 

**_Me:_ ** _ I miss you, too. I have tomorrow off; can I take you out to coffee? Lunch somewhere?  _

**_Yumi:_ ** _ Can I be honest? I have been dragged all over the fine-dining scene of Tokyo nearly every day this month. Is there any way I can persuade you to stay in?  _

He bit his lip; his thumbs hovering over his screen. He thought of the fresh produce his father had just sent him, along with a few other items that he just couldn’t for the life of him find in Tokyo. It was an intimate gesture, but he liked it… he’d done it for his friends and bandmates…

**_Me:_ ** _ I could cook you dinner.  _

**_Yumi_ ** _ :  _ (≧◡≦) ♡  _ What did I do to deserve such a great boyfriend?  _

Ryuu shoved his phone in his bag, feeling a dangerous, giddy thrill. He’d never been a boyfriend before… he liked it. He liked that she wasn’t afraid to say it. He liked knowing where he stood with her, even if he was strangely embarrassed at something as innocent as a lovey-dovey kaomoji.

~~~

Gaku wasn’t kidding-- _ GinUyoku  _ was on a whole other level _.  _ They weren’t exactly nobodies, but the normal clientele was on a whole other caliber. Ryuu was positive he saw at least one supermodel, one international moviestar, a multi-platinum rockstar, an Olympic gold medalist, a few high-powered CEOs and their escorts, and a fashion designer so elusive and sought after, their name was spoken of in hushed, reverent tones. The fact that Gaku and Ryuu  _ still _ had to fend off a few advances despite that was a testament to their fame. 

“This place is intense,” Gaku said, yelling to be heard over the driving beat of the music. 

Ryuu shrugged; he was already four drinks in and feeling the pleasant buzz settle into his limbs. He didn’t have anywhere to be the next day; “It’s not our normal scene, I’ll give you that. Tenn would like it.” 

“Tenn is a baby, and I’m pretty sure he’d fit right in,” Gaku said, nodding at a group of people on the dance floor. 

“I hardly think an 20-year-old counts as a baby.” Ryuu swirled the ice in the bottom of his rocks glass. Given how quickly it had affected him, he guessed this place only served top-shelf. That, or his empty stomach and day of rehearsal was catching up to him.

“Everyone under the age of 23 is a baby, I don’t make the rules,” Gaku retorted with a flippant wave of his hand. The color high in his cheeks and the red rims around his eyes told Ryuu they were both equally far gone. They would likely pay for it in the morning. 

“Gaku, I have to ask, are you alright?” Ryuu asked. “You haven’t seemed yourself lately.” 

Gaku looked taken aback, but his eyes were hard and wouldn’t meet Ryuu’s; “I’m fine.” 

Ryuu sighed, ordering another round with the passing waitress; “You just… you know you can always talk to me, right?”

Gaku laughed, although it seemed forced; “There you go again, acting like my big brother.” 

“You know me. It’s what I do.” Ryuu stared hard over the rim of his glass. “Now talk to me. Please.”

Gaku sighed, staring at his untouched drink; “I guess I’m… I wouldn’t say jealous, per se, but maybe I’m just a little incredulous that you got a girlfriend. You, of all people.”

“Oh.” Ryuu felt a bit like someone had punched him in the chest. “I’m… I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s not…” Gaku ran his hand through his hair. “I didn’t mean it like that. You just seem so happy, and I guess I’m a little envious. A little.” 

“Well, if it makes you feel better, I really only have a girlfriend in theory,” Ryuu said bitterly. He threw back the rest of his drink, enjoying the light feeling that settled in his stomach. He could feel the edges of his inhibitions start to blur. “Not like we’ve spent much time together.”

“You two have had sex, yeah?” Gau asked, blunt as ever. “And she spent the night?” 

Ryuu wiggled his hand in a “sort-of” motion, fighting the rising blush in his cheeks; “It’s complicated.”

“We’re famous. It’s always going to be complicated. But if she makes you happy…” Gaku trailed off with a shrug. “I’m happy for you, you know.”

“And you know you could have any woman you wanted,” Ryuu sniped playfully. When did his sixth drink arrive? When did he drink most of it?

Gaku flushed so dark, he was starting to clash with his own hair; “You know I’m just… I like to take things slow. I’m not ready to fall in love like that. OK, enough about me… tell me about Maeda.” 

His chest fluttered at the thought of her, his stomach flipping over again and again in excited butterflies. He thought about the things he knew about her through texts, how the pictures she sent him of things she found interesting said volumes about her character, about how hard she worked and how passionate she was about her work… But a lot of that was hard to convey in words. 

“I don’t know much about her,” Ryuu said. “But she’s pretty. And she likes music. Like, really likes music.”

“Yeah, I saw her bizarrely intense rant about headphones,” Gaku said with a laugh. “What was that about?”

Ryuu was ready to respond when he felt someone tap his shoulder; “Ryunosuke?”

He grinned and turned towards her; “Yumi!” He scooted out of the booth to see her. He wasn’t sure if he should go for a hug or not, so he just took her hands in his and squeezed. They were soft, and he felt a little giddy at the touch. “We were just talking about you! How are you? You look pretty.” 

She looked more than pretty. With her jewel-toned, slinky dress with strategic cut-outs, she looked downright sinful. Her smile made his heart skip a few beats (which probably wasn’t healthy) and he liked the smell of her perfume. He was thankful he wasn’t tipsy enough that he said all that out loud. Yet.

“Thanks,” she said, squeezing his fingers. “You look nice, too. Fancy meeting you here.” 

“Gaku and I have a day off tomorrow, so we’re celebrating.” He grinned, giving her hands a tug in a sudden fit of boldness. “You should join us.”

“I’m actually here with friends,” she said, gesturing to the girl next to her. She was frowning at her phone, but Ryuu thought he recognized her. “This is Daidouji Hana; Hana, this is Yaotome Gaku and Tsunashi Ryunousuke.” 

“I’ve met them,” Daidouji-san replied. “Briefly at a Variety filming last year. But it’s nice to meet you officially. Oh, for God’s sake, Yumi, she took the bass player into the coat room. Looks like we aren’t leaving for a while.” 

“Who did what now?” Gaku asked.

“Our friend, Noriko,” Yumi said, pinching the bridge of her nose. “We kind of aren't at liberty to say how we know her, but she got us into the club tonight. We really would rather not leave her alone, so I guess we're going to take you up on that offer, if you don't mind.”

“Not at all,” Gaku said, nudging Ryuu playfully with his elbow. “I could use some help keeping this one in line.”

“Ooh, does Ryunosuke get troublesome when he drinks?” Yumi asked. 

“No,” Ryuu protested at the same time Gaku said, “Yes.”

Ryuu couldn't help the happy, giddy feeling when Yumi slid into the booth next to him. She turned inwards, letting their knees bump under the table, while Daidouji-san and Gaku talked about her work as a voice actress. Apparently, she was just getting done with a super secret project. Or she might have said what it was and Ryuu missed it. He was already working on his next drink. The voice telling him to slow down was getting quieter by the moment. 

“Hey!” He interrupted someone--probably Gaku--in the middle of his sentence. “I have tanlines; you wanna see?” 

Yumi laughed--he liked her laugh--and ran her finger on the rim of her glass. It made a weird noise when she did that… it must have been crystal. She was drinking wine. He’d never tried red wine before; “Wouldn’t that require you to get naked in public?” 

“I mean, I can,” Ryuu said, reaching for his belt. 

“No!” Yumi snatched his wrists, yanking his hands away from his fly. “Don’t take off your pants, Ryunosuke, please.” 

Gaku laughed; “Uh oh. I guess it could be worse--he could take off his shirt?”

“How would that be worse?” Yumi exclaimed incredulously. 

Daidouji-san gave a wry, teasing smile; “He shows enough of his pecs in his publicity photos, I’m pretty sure his shirts are perfunctory at this point.”

Gaku shook his head; “Because once the shirt comes off, he starts drawing on himself and doing weird dances. We should check him for Sharpies.”

Ryuu perked up a bit; “Oh, that sounds like a good idea, actually! I could take off my shirt!” He started tugging on his collar. It would probably make Yumi laugh. He wanted to make her laugh...this was such a good idea.

“Please don’t take off your shirt,” Yumi pled. “Gaku, is he always this bad?” 

“No,” Gaku replied. “Sometimes he has his high school buddies with him. Then, he’s worse.”

Ryuu knew the incident Gaku was talking about; “No one forced you to play Circle of Death with us!” 

“Except you chanting ‘Circle of Death’ over and over until I agreed to play with you,” Gaku countered. He shivered, and Ryuu had to suppress a laugh, because if they were both remembering the same thing… “That cup in the middle tasted like vomit water and I still haven’t forgiven you for that!”

“Oh, hey,” Ryuu tapped Yumi on the shoulder, suddenly excited, “we should totally play a game! A drinking game! That’ll be fun.” 

Yumi laughed indulgently; “Ryunosuke, we are in public. What game would we play?” 

“Never Have I Ever is pretty safe,” Daidouji-san supplied helpfully. 

“That wouldn’t be very fun for us,” Ryuu said. “Gaku and I haven’t done a lot.” 

“Ryunosuke!” Yumi exclaimed. “That was rude.” 

“You see what I mean?” Gaku’s face was bright red from more than just the alcohol. “I can’t take him anywhere.” 

In the end, they played a simple game that didn’t require secrets revealed, but it did require basic math skills, so the longer it went, the harder it became. They were pleasantly drunk by the end of it, and Ryuu was feeling too warm and too energized to just sit in the booth. 

“We should dance!” He took Yumi’s hand in his, giving it a tug. 

“I’m not a super gifted dancer,” Yumi said with a laugh. “And I’m not sure about dancing in these shoes. I’m a little too tipsy to risk it.”

“Aw, that’s unfortunate,” he pouted. “Should we order another round?”

“How are you not seeing double?” Yumi asked, her eyes wide. “I think we’ve all had enough, don’t you think?”

“Ok then, if that’s the case, I guess it’s time for the main event!” Ryuu stood, removing his t-shirt with a swift motion. The cool air against his bare skin was a relief, and he distinctly heard a few whoops, but strangely he didn’t really care about them. 

“Ryunosuke! Put your shirt back on, please!” Yumi sounded indignant, but her eyes were locked on the long, smooth planes of his body. He watched her tongue slip out to wet her upper lip, and he followed the movement with a grin. “Please. I will dance with you if you put your shirt back on.” 

“You have a deal!” Ryuu shouted, scrambling into his t-shirt. “I didn’t have a marker anyway.” 

He swayed slightly as he got out of the booth, and Yumi put a hand on him to steady him. Her skin touched his under his shirt, just above the line of his jeans, and he hissed. He leaned heavily on her, seeking more of her warmth. 

“I missed you,” he murmured in her ear, nuzzling at the soft spot behind her ear. It smelled nice there… like her perfume. “Mmmm, you smell nice. I like your perfume.”

“Easy there, big guy,” Yumi teased, rubbing a soothing circle over his back. “You can’t dance with me if you knock me over.” 

He laughed, nuzzling the side of her neck. She giggled, and he had to echo the sound. He liked it; it was cute. 

It was also the last thing he remembered about that night.


	7. Chapter 7

Ryuu’s alarm was too loud. He groaned, burying his head in his pillow. He was horrifically uncomfortable--he was still wearing the painted-on jeans from the night before, and the gummy feeling in his eyes meant he definitely hadn’t taken his makeup off--and he felt like a giant spike was being driven into his skull. His mouth felt like it was coated in a layer of foul-tasting fuzz. He sighed with relief when he saw his bare torso--no ridiculous faces-- but there was a smear of foundation on the pillow he’d been spooning the absolute life out of. 

The most disheartening thing about it, though, was that he was alone. Honestly, he wasn’t all that surprised Yumi didn’t stay the night. He didn’t remember a lot from the night before, but he remembered enough to know he was being obnoxious. He slapped his alarm off and pawed around for his phone. He had a few notifications and a text from Yumi. He opened it with extreme trepidation, not sure what he was going to find. 

He felt like an idiot when he saw she’d sent a picture of him passed out and drooling into his pillow with the caption ‘you like my new home screen?’ He braved the text thread she’d sent while he was asleep. 

**_Yumi:_ ** _ Please text me when you wake up, you were pretty out of it when I took you home last night. A warning that you could go that hard would have been nice.  _

Ryuu ran a hand down his face. She sounded mad, and honestly, she probably had the right to be. 

**_Me:_ ** _ I’m sorry. I’m OK. Thanks for getting me home; trust me, I’m paying for it at the moment. _

He shut off his phone screen--he couldn’t handle the light anymore--and went to the bathroom to take a shower. He got a peek in the mirror--he looked a bit like death warmed over--and distracted himself with the hottest shower humanly possible. By the time he scrubbed his make-up off and brushed all the fuzz off his teeth, he had a response from Yumi. 

**_Yumi:_ ** _ He lives! How’re you feeling? Do you still want me to come over tonight?  _

**_Me:_ ** _ Do you still want to?  _

**_Yumi:_ ** _ Of course! Why wouldn’t I?  _

**_Me:_ ** _ Well, I don’t remember much from last night, but I know you didn’t see me at my best… I’m so sorry. If you still want to come over, I want you to. _

**_Yumi:_ ** _ We’ll talk about it later, but I promise you, I’m not mad. Drink some water, take some aspirin, you’ll feel better. I am on my way out to my class; I’ll see you tonight. Do you need me to bring anything? _

**_Me:_ ** _ No, I’ve got it. I can’t wait.  _

**_Yumi:_ ** _ Me neither ( ´ ∀ `)ノ～ ♡ _

The emoji was strangely comforting. She didn’t seem so passive aggressive as to send one when in reality she hated his guts. He sent her a time for dinner and made his list in his head. He wanted to make her something really special, but he was pretty sure he’d been out of soy sauce for a week. He took his phone out to start making a shopping list, but the calendar notification at the top of his screen gave him pause. 

_ Call home _

He’d been meaning to talk to his dad--it always helped--but like everything that had happened since he met Yumi, he had no idea how to go about doing any of it. He didn’t know how to tell his dad that he was seeing someone, and that he didn’t know where it was going, or what he was doing, or if it was serious… his turmoil was probably proof he needed to talk to someone. It was early enough he would probably catch his dad. Maybe. 

Sotaro must have been up early for training, because he answered fairly quickly; “Nii-chan?” 

Ryuu instantly felt the calming effect that came with talking to his family. He forgot how desperately homesick he could get sometimes; “Souta; you’re up early. Training, or cramming?” 

“A little of both,” Souta said sheepishly. “I will tell you that entrance exams are the worst. I’m hoping to get scouted at the next tournament.” 

Ryuu shook his head indulgently; “My friend in the volleyball club got scouted, and he still had to take an exam. Keep studying, or I’m coming down there.” 

“Promises, promises,” Souta teased. “I’d get Kou and Kota, but Kou is away at this super intense training camp and Kota stayed at a friend’s house last night.”

“That’s ok, I’m actually looking for Dad. But if you have time, we can catch up a bit.” Ryuu pulled out his bottle of aspirin, downing a few with what remained of his orange juice. 

“Not really.” Souta sighed regretfully. “I didn’t do so well on my last quiz, so I gotta study. I’ll grab Dad and catch you next time?”

“Sure thing, little brother,” Ryuu said. 

“Oh, and you’re still coming down this summer, right?” Souta pressed. “After that Idol’s Fest, or whatever.” 

“IdolFesta,” Ryuu corrected. “And of course I’m coming down. I always do--you know that.” 

“Good. Apparently, Kou wants to prove a point to his girlfriend. Anyway, I’ll get Dad.” Souta put the phone down, and Ryuu froze at the mention of a girlfriend. 

_ They’re going to want to meet Yumi. Of course they would want to meet Yumi; why wouldn’t they? Am I ready to bring Yumi home? Am I prepared to let her into that part of my life? _

“Ryunosuke,” his father’s smooth voice snapped him out of his reverie. “You’re finally making time for your old man?” 

Ryuu laughed, slipping into his accent; “I always have time for you, Dad, you know that.” It had been too long, though. Even his own accent sounded weird to his ears. 

He spent a few minutes catching up on everything happening back home--how his brothers were doing in school, how the neighbors were doing, Kou’s girlfriend--apparently, she was a TRIGGER fan, and didn’t believe anything Kou told her about Ryuu--and Kota’s time in the drama club. Apparently, he was very good. It sounded like not much had changed, but a lot had happened. 

“I’m sorry I’ve been so busy lately,” Ryuu said, laughing at a silly anecdote about one of the neighbors and their new baby. 

“You work hard,” his dad assured him. “We’ll still be here. We’re happy to hear from you on your days off; you haven’t called in a while, though. Are you taking care of yourself?” 

“Yes, dad,” Ryuu answered. 

“And what’s new?” 

“Well,” Ryuu ticked off on his fingers, “TRIGGER is releasing a new single, we’re doing a big festival at the end of the summer, Gaku and I are regulars in a historical drama…” He took a deep breath, bracing himself. “And… well, I met someone.” 

The silence on the other end was loaded before his dad oh-so-tentatively answered; “Met someone… like… a girl?”

“Her name is Maeda Yumi,” Ryuu said in lieu of an answer. “She’s a recording engineer; she works for the studio we use. She’s… she’s really great.” 

“Wow, this is… this is something.” His dad let out a puff of breath, and Ryuu could see him scratching thoughtfully at the back of his neck. “How long ago did you meet her?” 

“Not long,” he answered. “It’s still pretty new. I like her a lot, though.” 

“And you’re sure about her intentions?” 

Ryuu sighed; “Dad--” 

“Don’t ‘Dad’ me, I’m serious!” There was a loaded silence, thick with tension, before he continued a little gentler. “You’ve always been sensitive, kid. You know how I worry.” 

“Dad, I’m not a kid anymore.” Ryuu rubbed at the back of his neck. 

“Hey, to me, you’ll always be that 4-year-old who came tearing into the kitchen and proudly declared you were going to marry Sailor Jupiter. Forgive me for wanting to protect you.” 

“You don’t need to protect me,” Ryuu said. “I’m supposed to be taking care of you, remember? It’s why I’m here.” 

“I will always protect you, son. But I also need you to protect yourself. I’m always worried about you getting hurt, but now you could get  _ really _ hurt. So I have to know… do you trust her?” 

Ryuu didn’t hesitate; “Enough to make her dinner tonight.” 

“Oh yeah? What’re you planning?” Thankfully, his dad’s mood seemed a little lighter, even if his warning still hung in the air. 

“Rafute,” Ryuu answered. “And those vegetables you sent me. Thanks for those, by the way.” 

“You realize that if she doesn’t like it, you can’t marry her, right?” 

“Dad!” Ryuu’s face flamed, and he barely resisted the urge to bury his face in his hands. 

“I’m teasing, kid. You have a good night, alright? And don’t be a stranger.” 

Ryuu wrapped up his conversation with his dad--with a promise that he had to talk to Kotaro and Kounosuke next time--and went about actually getting ready for the day. After getting dressed and heading out, though, he got a call from Gaku. 

“He lives!” Gaku exclaimed when he answered. 

“You know, Yumi said the same thing this morning,” Ryuu said, picking out his groceries with the efficiency of a man who had been mobbed at a supermarket. “Sorry about last night.”

“It was nothing new,” Gaku said. “I just wanted to make sure you were OK. And to see what your plans are today.” 

“The usual,” Ryuu answered. “Catch up on housework, gym workout… oh, and I’m making Yumi dinner tonight.” 

“Next step, that’s good,” Gaku teased. “Planning a special evening?” 

Ryuu decided to just bite the bullet; “I told my dad.” 

There was a long, loaded pause where Ryuu questioned every decision he ever made before Gaku started laughing; “And the wedding is… this week? Next week?” 

“Come on, Gaku, I’m being serious!” 

“So am I! Well, mostly,” Gaku said. “But listen--I am happy for you. And I support you. And you telling your dad means you plan on taking her home at some point, I assume. That’s big.” 

“I’ve… thought about it,” Ryuu replied, checking his list to make sure he hadn’t forgotten anything. “I don’t know if I’m ready for it.”

But he  _ had  _ thought about it. He thought about her meeting his dad and his brothers; seeing his childhood room that he still slept in sometimes; making fun of the ridiculous wall of framed photos his paternal grandmother had started and his father had maintained after her death; doing all the things he liked doing at home, but doing them with her; showing her the sites; taking her to his favorite spots and sharing them with her… he wanted it. He wanted it so badly, it hurt. 

“Well, try getting through tonight before you make big plans,” Gaku said. “Do you need me to do anything?”

“Just some advice would be appreciated.” Ryuu took his purchases over to the self check-out--the fewer people he saw, the better, some days. 

“I don’t have much to offer, sadly,” Gaku sighed regretfully. “But I can offer you hype. I have faith that she knows you and likes you, and you like her, and assuming you don’t set her hair on fire tonight is going to go smoothly. And you’re an excellent cook, so I don’t foresee that happening.”

Ryuu laughed; “Anything else?” 

“Pick her up something cute for dessert,” Gaku said. “Girls like sweet things.” 

~~~

Ryuu’s breath caught in his throat when he answered his door for Yumi. 

“Wow, something smells amazing,” she said, giving him the most radiant smile. Her hair was styled in a soft braid over her shoulder, and the straps of her floaty, petal-pink sundress revealed a tantalizing amount of skin. He found his eyes drawn to the sheen of a shimmery powder along her collarbone. “Oh, hey you look nice!”

He suddenly felt very underdressed in his jeans and purple deep-vee; “Thanks. You… look really pretty.” 

“Thank you,” she replied, a pretty pink blush blooming high on her cheeks. He led her into the kitchen, where he was just finishing things up. The elaborately-decorated box from Monarch of LONDON sat on the counter next to the dessert plates he’d already pulled.  “I brought a few things. Some ambiance,” she pulled a jar candle out of her bag, “some music,” she brandished her phone before producing a bottle, “and something to go with dinner… although, if you’re still battling the hangover…” 

“No, I’m ok,” he said, taking the bottle. The label was in English and the liquid inside was a deep, rich purple. “Red wine?” 

“Yeah, a friend of mine owns a vineyard in Napa,” she said. “That’s her best red. Don’t chill it; it will taste like medicine; we should let it breathe, though.” 

“I’m not much of a wine drinker, but if we can get it open, I’m willing to try anything once.” 

“Thankfully, I thought ahead.” Yumi produced a sommelier’s corkscrew from her bag with a dramatic flourish. “I’ll get this open if you’ll play this playlist.” 

He was pleasantly surprised by the music--a strange but soothing combination of electronic and vocalization. He looked at the list but it didn’t have any information; “Who is this? I like it a lot.” 

“It’s my friend, Bella,” Yumi answered, pulling the cork out of the bottle with a sharp  _ pop _ . “She lives in South Korea these days, but she was at NYU while I was there. This was my undergrad practicum. I’ll pass on that you like her stuff.” 

“You went to NYU? As in New York?” Ryuu’s eyes widened. “I’ve never been to New York.” 

“New York has that lovely grid pattern, so it’s easier to navigate than Tokyo, but the trains there are a nightmare!” Yumi set the bottle aside to let it breathe. “I only studied there for a semester, as part of my practicum. I also did the mixing for a terrible student film while I was there, plus a live show at the Public Theater.” 

“Wow, you’ve just… done it all, haven’t you?” Ryuu said, impressed and a little intimidated. He’d seen those big mixing boards at shows and couldn’t tell anyone what one button did over the other.

“Well, the industry is pretty competitive,” she replied, a strangely veiled look taking over her eyes. “I had to be good at everything. There’s just… no space for specialized technicians these days.” 

He brushed his hand over her bare shoulder, sweeping his thumb along her skin in a soothing gesture. He watched, mesmerized, as her eyes slowly slid closed and she leaned into the touch, like it was comforting to her. “I’m sorry. You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

“No it’s not… it’s fine. It’s just,” she played nervously with the end of her braid, “I sacrificed a lot to get here. I destroyed my personal relationships, left boyfriends behind to pursue my dreams, let friendships go to take exclusive internships, skipped family gatherings to spend all night pulling the last touches on a single together… it’s been hard, but worth it. But this whole dating thing… I haven’t done it in such a long time, and not seriously. Never seriously.”

He flushed to his hairline, rubbing at the back of his neck; “Well, I’m glad you’re so driven. Because if you weren’t… well, I might never have met you.” 

She froze, her pulse visibly jumping at the base of her throat, and a blush spreading across her chest; “Maybe… we should wait for the wine before having the heavy conversations, yeah?”

“Fair enough,” he said, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. She shivered when he ran the pad of his finger over the shell of her ear, toying with the line of three rings along the lobe. “I like these. They’re different.” 

“Thanks. I’m committed to my aesthetic,” she said with a wink. “OK, something smells really good” 

“That would be the rafute,” Ryuu answered, returning to his work. “I hope you like pork.” 

“Please,” she waved her hand dismissively, “I’m dating an Okinawa man. I know better. Never tried rafute before. Or… whatever that is.” She pointed at the vegetables stacked next to his chopping board.

“Ah, that would be bitter melon. Another staple,” Ryuu said. “My dad sent them to me.” 

“I’ve never tried them, so this will be new,” she laughed. She clapped her hands together sharply. “OK, put me to work. Is there anything I can help with?” 

“No, I’m almost done,” he said, putting a touch too much flourish on his knife skills. “Let me impress you.” 

“I’ll never object to a beautiful man cooking for my pleasure and amusement,” she fired back, a flirty twinkle in her eyes. 

And that was it. It was like some sort of block had been removed between them, and suddenly conversation was easy. They kept conversation light, sticking to topics like favorite colors and childhood anecdotes. Ryuu still felt that prickle of anxiety related to the newness of the relationship, but he was finding it easier and easier to just be himself around her. The wine made things flow even more easily--it was a bit rich for his tastes, but it was by no means bad--and a pleasant buzz settled into his core. It made him feel looser… more relaxed… and made him more keenly aware of her. 

“This is fantastic,” she said, making the most obscene noise when she ate his food. Pride and lust battled it out inside of him, and thankfully, it seemed pride was winning. “Who taught you to cook like this.” 

“My dad,” Ryuu answered. “These are all his recipes. My mom taught me to bake, though.” 

“Oh? If you can bake, then why did I see a bakery box on the counter? Is this your round-about way of saying your mom is a terrible baker?” 

“No, I just didn’t have the time to suitably impress you this time,” he said shyly, rubbing at the back of his neck. 

“Oh well,” she said with a flippant wave of her hand. “Next time.” 

“There’s a next time?” Ryuu asked hopefully. He surreptitiously pressed his knuckles against his chest, trying to ease the sweet ache that bloomed under his ribs. 

“Of course,” Yumi answered, running her fingertips along the back of his hands. The touch was soft, but electric, and it set his nerves alight. She had a way of doing that to him. “Now that I know you can cook like this, I might have to marry you.” 

Ryuu choked on his food, taking a swallow of wine to stop the coughing; “Don’t  _ do  _ that!” 

“What, kill you with a fake proposal? I guess that’s fair,” she said with a sweet laugh. The color high on her cheeks didn’t seem like it was from her drink--she’d only had half a glass at that point. The setting sun through his massive windows reflected golden on her cheeks, making the highlight on her cheekbones shimmer. He reached out to tuck a stray strand on hair behind her ear again, his knuckles lingering against her temple. She hummed pleasantly, leaning into his touch. “Why do you like doing that, hm?” 

He shrugged, a combination of the drink, the familiar food, and their rapport making him uncharacteristically bold; “I like touching your hair. It’s soft.” Immediately, he regretted the words, and the tenuous spell was broken. “Sorry, that was… that was weird.” 

Still, she drew in a sharp breath, a flush blooming on her cheeks and chest. A little bit of that hard-won suredness came back. 

“How do you do that?” She asked, a little breathlessly. “Just… one minute I think I have you figured out, and the next you just… do that?”

“I’m just being honest,” he said, maybe a touch defensive. 

“I know babe, I’m sorry,” she said, giving his fingers a squeeze in apology. His heart hammered in his chest at the casual endearment. “It’s just… you’re amazing, you know? What did I do to get so lucky?” 

“You’re exaggerating,” Ryuu said, retrieving the outrageously rich tiramisu cupcake he bought for dessert, if only to have something to do with his hands. He was used to candid confessions of love, but this was different somehow. 

“I mean it,” she said softly. “You’re so sweet. And caring and sensitive and talented… and then you just casually say things that just… leave me breathless. I feel like I’m in a fairytale.” 

He nearly dropped the plates he was holding; “Yumi… I can’t… I don’t…” 

“You don’t have to say anything,” she said. “I’m just… telling you how I feel.” 

He didn’t know how to respond. He didn’t have words. Instead, he crossed his kitchen in long strides, gathering her into his arms. He swallowed her sudden gasp of surprise with a deep, enthusiastic kiss. He tried to remember the things she’d shown him, the things she did that set his blood on fire and made him ache for more, but at the moment all he could concentrate on was pouring everything he was and everything he felt into this kiss. He didn’t know if it was love or infatuation or just the thrill of wanting and being wanted, the thrill of romantic touch, but he knew in that moment that he had to protect it. 

He was filled with  _ something _ … something that burned at the base of his spine and spurred him into actions that would later horrify him, but he didn’t care. At the moment, he had a beautiful woman in his apartment, and he wanted to shower her with kisses until she was weak in the knees. 

He gently tugged her wrist, his ego swelling a bit when he saw her knees wobble, and led her to the couch. It felt different than the first time he’d had her on this couch. That time had been filled with anxious tension and a sense of tenuousness that the wrong move could topple the whole tower. This time, it felt… different. He felt too large for his own skin, and the only relief was every point where her body touched his. 

He pulled her close, his hands sliding up her back to seek the bare skin where her dressed dipped low. Her kiss tasted like soy sauce and red wine and  _ her _ , and he groaned. Her hands slid into his hair, running her fingers through it, and she gasped. 

“What?” He felt a little dazed and dizzy. “What’s wrong?” 

“It’s… it’s soft,” she said, her eyes wide with wonder. She ran her hand through his hair again, toying with the uneven layers around his ears. “I’ve never felt it without hairspray before.” 

He blinked a few times before he burst out laughing. He buried his laughter in the crook of her neck, enjoying the feeling of holding her, the smell of her skin, the sound of her indignant huffs. 

“It’s not that funny,” she grumbled. Still, she relaxed into his embrace, and she immediately went back to petting his hair. He purred happily at the feeling, nuzzling into her skin. 

“I know, I’m sorry,” he said. “And… I’m sorry about dragging you over here like this.” The implications of what he did--of how he acted--sank in, and he felt his whole face turn warm with embarrassment. “I’m still… not very good at this.” 

“That’s ok,” she said, tilting his head up so he could look at her. “I don’t mind going slow. And in the meantime, we can… practice.” 

“That reminds me, we better “practice” before I invite you out to Okinawa this summer,” he laughed. “If I get flustered around my  _ girlfriend _ my brothers are never going to let me live it down.” 

“This summer?” She tilted her head in askance, pulling away from him. Why did it feel so cold when she pulled away from him?

“Yeah, after IdolFesta,” he said. “I have a few days off and I was wondering if you wanted to go to Okinawa with me to meet my family.” 

“Oh…” Ryuu was prepared to backtrack--she seemed so upset by the prospect--but a small squeeze to his hand reassured him. “Ryunosuke… I mean, I’d love to, but… but I’m leaving the country for a few weeks. I don’t know if I’m going to be back in time for IdolFesta.” 


	8. Chapter 8

Promotion for his drama was starting to get underway in earnest; the first episode would be airing in the coveted fall season in the ever-elusive “golden hour,” so the advertising was extensive. To Ryuu, that meant more time with his shirt off in sweaty photo studios. Thankfully, he was used to it. 

He was shooting for an ad spread with one of his costars, a woman named Shimada Misuzu. He usually liked working with Shimada-san, but that day, he was distracted. He went through the motions--letting costume designers drape a flowier, more dramatic version of his costume over his shoulders; letting makeup artists cover his pecs in shimmery powder and dark contour; letting the photographer and and overly-fussy hairstylist pose him exactly how they wanted him… he was a professional about it all, but he was having trouble really getting into it. Not to mention his eyes felt dry from the fan, and they’d never used this powder on him before, but he was starting to think he might be allergic. 

Mostly, he was just bitter. He felt like he’d just built up the courage to start building intimacy with her, and then she was  _ leaving _ . She didn’t know when she was coming back. Fantasies he hadn’t realized he’d had--of performing for her during IdolFesta, of showing her his childhood haunts in Okinawa, of doing classic couple activities like hitting a summer festival--disappeared. Sure, they would text and talk still, but she was going to be on a totally different  _ day _ . 

It wasn’t fair. 

To top it all off, he felt so ridiculously guilty about his sour mood that it just made him feel worse. It wasn’t like they were on a time clock… there was always another time he could take her home to Okinawa. There would be other concerts. She wasn’t doing this maliciously--it was for work. Not to mention that he was supposed to be focusing on the photo shoot. But apparently his bad mood was showing on his face, because the direction he kept getting was “smoldering and intense, not a pouty 13-year-old.” He could tell they were about to call for a break, but then he saw her. 

He barely recognized her, as pulled together as she looked. She was in a sharp suit and the highest heels he’d ever seen, her dark-framed glasses perched neatly on her nose, and her dark hair was drawn into a sleek chignon. The only detail that was truly Yumi was the back seam on her stockings. It was a totally innocuous little detail, but also… not. She looked like a seasoned professional, maybe even a little older than she was. She was commanding and confident as she discussed… something with one of the runners…

“That’s perfect, Tsunashi-san! Hold it right there!” The director exclaimed. The rapidfire click of the camera drew his attention back to the task at hand. Clearly, they’d found whatever they’d been looking for, so he gripped the haft of his prop spear and tried to focus. 

But it didn’t take long for him to realize that  _ he’d been caught _ . He’d been caught staring, and even if they didn’t know… he knew. And judging by the wry smirk Yumi was giving him out of the corner of her eye, she knew too. He felt his whole face flame under his make-up. 

“Does he look a bit red in this light?” The director looked over the photographer’s shoulder with a frown. “Make-up!” 

The buzzer indicating a break in the shoot went off loudly, and suddenly there were people everywhere. One of the harried young make-up artists came rushing onto the set, her kit in hand. She frowned when she got a good look at his face; “Tsunashi-san, are you feeling alright? You seem a bit flushed.” 

“I’m fine,” he lied, a bit too quickly. “It’s just… a bit warm in here.” 

Yumi quirked her brow--he was totally unconvincing. Ryuu made his way to the balcony; he really did need some air. With this many people in the studio, combined with the lights, the air conditioner was struggling mightily to actually do anything. He grabbed a bottle of water and swallowed so quickly he nearly choked.

“You are such a terrible liar. How did you get to be an actor, again?” 

He started so violently, he nearly dropped his water all over his costume, which would have been an utter disaster, given how delicate it was. Yumi stood at the entrance to the balcony, looking even more flawless up close. There was something about her that made him want to sink to his knees before her, and that was a  _ very  _ new (if not unpleasant) feeling. 

“What… what are you doing here?” He swallowed hard, trying to get his rogue thoughts under control. 

“I had to come by and pick up some plugin data from the director,” she said, holding up a flashdrive. “I’m one of the lead engineers on this project; I still have to do work while I’m on the road.” 

“You’re… very busy,” he said lamely. 

“We both are,” she said with a shrug. She appraised his mostly-bare chest with an appreciative up-and-down glance. “I really don’t have time for this today, but… this was worth it just to see you in that costume. Damn, Ryunosuke.” 

He flushed, resisting the urge to pull the very open kimono closed. It was heavily taped into place, and he would likely lose several large patches of skin if he fussed with it; “Thanks… I think. It’s just the photo costume because it moves with the fan.” 

“This thing looks like it’s going to blow away with the first stiff breeze, so I’m not surprised,” she said with a laugh. “I’m glad I got to see you, though.”

“You leave in a few days, don’t you?” He rubbed at a spot on the inside of his wrist, not looking at her. 

“My flight leaves Saturday morning,” she answered. “You seem upset.” 

“I’m not.” He shrugged, totally unconvincing. “I’m just… I wish you didn’t have to go.” 

“Ryunosuke…” 

“I know, I feel awful,” he said, twisting his fingers over and over again. “I know you’re not doing it on purpose, and you missing IdolFesta and the Okinawa trip won’t be the end of the world, but… I feel like we just started. And now I have to put it on pause. Again.” 

“What happened to wanting to take it slow?” Her voice was tentatively hopeful in a way that made his heart skip a beat. 

“I do want to take it slow,” he said. “But… I’m going to miss you.” 

“I’m going to miss you too.” They were both at work, technically, so she couldn’t do much. But she did step close enough to hook her index finger around his. It was a small, tentative point of connection, but it was connection nonetheless. “I considered turning this trip down--” 

“You can’t do that,” he said, giving her finger a light squeeze. “Not for me.”

“I wouldn’t. It’s… it’s too important to me. But I did want to spend the summer with you, when we could. Then again, it’s not… it’s not like you’re going to have all this free time to spend with me.” 

He bit his lip, the tiny resentful voice in his head telling him that  _ he _ would  _ make _ time for her, even if she wouldn’t extend him the same courtesy, but he quashed it as quickly as he could. It wasn’t fair to think that way--their relationship was so new, after all… 

She swept her thumb along his knuckles in a soothing gesture; “Tell you what… I’m spending Friday alone to get my house spotless. Do you think you could swing a few hours Friday night? That way, we can spend some time together before I leave.” 

It would be tricky--he was spending most of the day in interviews and preparing for IdolFesta, but… “I’ll make it work. Just… tell me where your apartment is and when to be there.” 

She gave his fingers another squeeze, along with the most beautiful sunshine smile… he was going to miss that smile; “Alright, I’ll text you. But we should probably get back. The paparazzi will  _ talk _ .” 

He laughed, although it sounded hollow, even to his own ears; “Yeah… can’t have that, can we?” 

~~~

Through some skillful scheduling wizardry, Gaku managed to get him over to Yumi’s apartment before 7:30, which was almost a full hour earlier than planned. He dropped him off in front of her building, and despite Gaku’s very nice car, they actually managed to look fairly inconspicuous. Ryuu’s hair was unstyled after he washed it, and he was wearing his oldest, softest jeans and a vintage band shirt he picked up the last time he was in Shimokitazawa. 

Gaku lowered his sunglasses to give Ryuu a teasing look; “You kids have fun. And behave yourselves.” 

“Gaku!” Ryuu sputtered, feeling that familiar flaming-face feeling. “We’re just… hanging out!” 

“You brought beer with you,” Gaku helpfully pointed out. “You clearly have plans.” 

“My plan is to have a few beers with my girlfriend before she leaves for a few months!” Ryuu protested. 

“Oh, if you need dinner rescue, call mom,” Gaku offered. “She said she’d be happy to provide, if you needed discreet take out.” 

“Thanks, I might take her up on that. Thanks for the ride!” He waved his friend off as he made his way for the upper floors. He found the style of building very cool--classic young-people Tokyo. He’d never lived at a place like it… he had to be sneaky around a few of the other tenants who gave him searching looks, but he didn’t get mobbed before he got to Yumi’s door.

When she made to let him in, though, he just about perished on the spot. She had on yoga pants ( _ bless the person who invented them _ , he thought) and a lavender tank top. Her hair was wound up in an impressively large bun. She looked like she was about to teach a spin class. She flushed pink when she saw him. 

“Well, now I feel underdressed,” she said with a laugh. 

“You look great,” he said, shifting from foot to foot. “Sorry I’m a little early.” 

“Oh, no worries,” she answered with a flippant wave of her hand. “Come on in. Sorry my fridge is totally empty; I didn’t want to come home to a science experiment.” 

“That’s ok, I came prepared.” He pulled a pack of Sapporo out of his shoulder bag. 

“Brilliant man,” she cooed, rocking up on tiptoe to press a gentle kiss to his cheek. “Come on in. I just need to grab one last thing, and I’ll order dinner. Feel free to look around; sorry it’s not much.” 

The apartment was a lot smaller than he anticipated. Most of the decor was western, except for the low table and cushions facing the TV. It had a very soft, earthy, hipster vibe. She even had the string of fairy lights above her bed. Along the window sill, she had three scented candles. In the corner, her luggage was stacked up, ready to be taken to the airport in the morning. A pang echoed in his chest. Still, he liked how cozy it was. It felt warm, safe, and homey. He especially liked the little plush jellyfish hanging in the window.

“OK, so now that I am totally packed, I am yours for the evening,” she said, coming out the bathroom with an impressively-stuffed cosmetics bag. He tried not to read too much into the “I am yours” that sent electricity shooting through his limbs. “So, what do you want to do? And please make the answer “dinner.” I’m starved.”

“We can order whatever you want,” Ryuu said, grinning softly. “But Gaku said his mom made an offer, and she is very discreet. You like soba?” 

“I love it, if it’s good.” She was fiddling with her Playstation, pulling up Netflix. “But if you trust it, then I trust it.” 

In the end, Ryuu wound up ordering from Yamamura, and she sent over way too much food. He sighed--he could see where Gaku got his meddling from--but accepted regardless. Once she got an idea in her head, she would not be denied. He and Yumi crashed in front of her TV, eating more than enough (delicious) food and watching a Western baking competition show that Ryuu found strangely enthralling. 

“So what do you think?” Yumi asked, nudging him with her foot. She was still nursing her second beer, while he’d already finished his fourth, so he was feeling pleasantly loose and open. Not to mention, the warmth of her body pressed against his was both distracting and comforting. “Do you think  you could do something like this?” 

“I know myself enough that, even if I was a gifted-enough baker, it would be too stressful for me,” he said. “Baking is a relaxing thing for me. I use it to unwind.” 

“Yeah, I’m not a super gifted baker, but I try. I have yet to poison anyone with my bakes,” Yumi answered with a laugh. “To think I wanted to do it for a living when I was little.” 

“You wanted to be a baker?” Ryuu ran his fingers along the edges of his empty can, and he couldn’t help but notice the way Yumi’s eyes dropped to watch them. “You didn’t tell me you could bake.” 

“You never asked,” she replied coyly. “But yeah, I wanted to own a bakery. And then, I wanted to do the pro-sports thing. And then, when my knee gave out and my parents convinced me the pro-sports thing was not practical, they got me on the college track. But I still wanted to do something cool for a living, and I’ve always liked music, so…” she shrugged, “here I am.” 

“That seems reckless,” he said. 

“You became a pop idol,” she retorted. “No more or less reckless than that, I would say.” 

“It worked out for me,” he said with a shrug. 

“Did you always want to be a pop idol?” Her conversational dodge was so obvious, even he caught it. “Were you, like… singing into your hairbrush, dreaming of a Tokyo stage?” 

“I didn’t own a hairbrush,” he said, neatly dodging when she attempted to whack him with her throw pillow. “But no. It wasn’t always in the cards for me.” 

“Oh? What did you want to do, then? What was your super crazy dream?” 

Ryuu spun his can over and over in his hands, not making eye contact; “Too be honest, I didn’t… really have one. I had three baby brothers--I didn’t really have the luxury.” 

“But your father’s this ridiculous hotel magnate, right?” She tilted her head in genuine askance, bringing her knees to her chest. “You wouldn’t think dreams would be a luxury in a household like that.” 

He froze. He’d never told her. He rarely told anyone--it had taken nearly two years to tell Gaku and Tenn--but lying to her now would set a bad precedent. It would leave a bad taste in his mouth, and it would be a really easy way to tarnish his relationship. 

_ Assuming I still have a relationship by the time she comes back.  _

“Actually, he’s just my mother’s second husband,” Ryuu said, staring at his empty can. The aluminum crumpled under his fingers when they started tightening into fists. “I have… a complicated relationship with him. But he’s family.” 

“Oh,” she said, practically a whisper. He peeked at her out of the corner of his eye, and her eyes were wide with surprise. “You speak so highly of your dad, though.” 

“My dad is a fisherman,” he said. “He lives in my grandmother’s old house on the coast with my brothers. I’m doing this all for him… for them. So Kou, Kota, and Sou can have more opportunities than I did.” He set his mouth in a hard line. He may have even flinched, waiting for the backlash. He could probably count on one hand the number of people he’d shared that detail with. 

“That’s… that’s so sweet,” she breathed. She pressed her hands against her pink cheeks. “I never expected that.” 

“I don’t tell many people that.” He took her hand in his, running his thumb along the backs of her fingers. “But my family means everything to me. I would do anything for them.” He clenched his teeth together; he wasn’t sure how many women would be OK with hearing they would always come second. 

“Hey, I can respect that,” she said, squeezing his hand. “I'm not really close to my family, but I respect that.” 

“You don’t talk about your parents.” He let their linked hands fall to the couch between them, and he had to suppress a shiver when his fingertips brushed the bare skin between her tank top and her pants. “What are they like.” 

“Well, Dad only passed a few years ago, so it’s… it’s still painful.” She curled in on herself, her fingers shaking in his grip. 

Ryuu drew in a sharp breath; “God, I’m sorry. How...how did he go? If you don’t mind me asking.” 

“Cancer,” she spit the word out like it left a bad taste in her mouth. He could understand that--the very idea of it scared the hell out of him. “It was… very fast. I didn’t get to see him much until the very end.” 

“What about your mom?” 

“Mom… doesn’t understand me.” Yumi glowered at her knees, avoiding eye contact. “She doesn’t understand why I’m making the choices I’m making. And after Dad died, she had to go and  _ find herself _ , leaving my sister behind to take care of my grandma. Next thing I know, she’s given up all her ambitions and career prospects and become this shy, retiring trophy wife of some prominent doctor. He has very… traditional views on my job and marital status.” 

“You don’t like him,” he said. It wasn’t a question. 

“Not even a little bit,” she replied. “He called me, my sisters, and my nieces and nephews “baggage.” And I won’t forgive him for it.” 

Her mood was souring quickly, and he didn’t want that. He remembered her talking about this briefly weeks ago, when they’d first met, and he understood why she didn’t like talking about it. She brought his hand to her lap, pressing her forehead against his knuckles. She relaxed into the touch, and he felt a surge of protective affection at how  _ lost _ she looked. 

He brought his free hand up to brush a stray hair back behind her ear; “Maybe it wasn’t a childhood dream, but I’ve dreamt about something like this.” 

“Oversharing in your girlfriend’s shitty apartment?” She gave him a wry grin, but her wide, vulnerable eyes, liquid with emotion, took all the sting out of it. 

He chose to ignore the comment, instead focusing on their joined hands; “Sharing like this. Being this… intimate with someone. I can talk to you, Yumi. And that means a lot to me.” 

She smiled softly at their entwined fingers, scooting across the floor to press against him. His heart pounded in his ears when she threw her leg over his thighs, seating herself  _ just _ too high from where his body needed her to be. Heat crept up his neck from his chest, and his hands shook when he grabbed her by her waist. He stared with morbid fascination when he realized his fingers spanned almost the entire length of her torso from her belly button to just under her breasts. 

She quivered under his touch, making that primal urge inside of him perk up with interest. Her hips whipped in a lazy arc as if on instinct. They’d both probably had too much to drink, and it was too warm, and worst of all she was  _ leaving _ in the morning. It wasn’t fair. He wrapped his arms around her waist, drawing her close, and pressed his face against the crook of her neck. He didn’t smell her perfume this time. It was her, and only her. 

She angled his face upwards, teasing at the corner of his mouth with the softest, gentlest kisses. Her hand combing through his hair combined with the sweet warmth of her body blurred the edges of his inhibitions; his hand fisted in her shirt, and he shivered when he realized how  _ easy _ it would be to do it… right here, right now. Her bed was right behind them; she was leaving for a long time. Most couples did it that way… they’d even just had an emotional moment. If this was one of his dramas, that’s what would happen. All he had to do was  _ say something _ . 

But even has she drew him into a slow, languid kiss, he knew it wouldn’t be right. He wasn’t ready. The mere thought was making his hands cold with anxiety; he just couldn’t do it. They’d reach new levels of intimacy, and  _ damn it _ , he should have been ready! He should want to… 

“Ryunosuke?” She pulled away, her head tilted in askance. “What’s wrong?” 

Her hand cupped his face, and he leaned into the touch; “I just… wish you didn’t have to go tomorrow. I wish I was ready for more. I wish things were different.” 

She ran her thumb along his bottom lip, her smile softening into something almost sad; “I don’t. I think you’re fantastic just the way you are. I told you when we started that we would go at your pace, and I meant that. As for me leaving… well, it can’t be helped. But I’ll be back before you know it.” 

“I know,” he ran his thumb along the strip of skin between her yoga pants and her tank top. She wiggled ticklishly, and his lips quirked. He tucked the information away for safekeeping. “I want you to go, if you want to. I know it’s important to you. But I’m going to miss you so much.” 

She ran her hand through his hair again, her thumb dipping into the divot at the base of his skull. Her cheek rested on the top of his head, and the contact soothed him in a way he hadn’t felt in a long time. He skillfully avoided her breasts by burrowing into the crook of her neck--a place he was more and more finding to be his favorite place--and being content to just hold her close. She was quiet above him, and thinking hard enough that he could almost hear it. 

“I wish you could stay,” she said, holding him a little tighter. “I want… I want a morning where we don’t have to rush out of bed first thing. I just want a morning where we can just be a normal couple. I want it so bad it hurts, Ryunosuke.” 

His chest clenched; his heart hurt so bad, he physically winced. His heart felt so full, it pounded against the prison of his ribs. He didn’t know what to say--he didn’t know how to tell  her that he agreed, that he craved that simple closeness so bad it ached. He didn’t know how to say that when just sitting and sharing the same space… just touching… was so breathtakingly intimate to him. So he swallowed hard, circumventing words altogether, and pressed his lips to her neck. He kissed her and kissed her, everywhere he could reach. They were soft, gentle, chaste things… feather-light touches along summer-warm skin, but to him, they were downright bold. 

He wanted to stay. He wanted  _ her  _ to stay. He never wanted to leave this perfect, perfect bubble of warmth. The shudder in her breath was more intoxicating than the strongest liquor he’d ever had, and it scared him. The fear made him hyper aware of every point of contact along his body, where he grew too warm where she pressed against him. It was getting late, and they both had early mornings, but he knew the second he walked out the door, he’d have to say goodbye to her… 

“I have something for you,” he said, extricating himself from their haphazard embrace, albeit reluctantly. He grabbed his shoulder bag from the wall-mounted coat rack, digging until he pulled out a sweatshirt. It was soft, thin, threadbare, and very well-loved. He wore it just about every day, when seasonally appropriate, usually during or after a run. It had been washed so many times, the aqua-blue had faded to an almost pastel shade, and the logo on the chest had long since worn off. He felt a little silly, but… it was a big step for him. He handed it to her, watching carefully for her reaction as she held it up for inspection.

“A sweatshirt?” She quirked her eyebrows at him, but there was a sparkle of...something in her eyes that set him at ease, maybe even made him feel a little lighter. “You know it’s just as hot in New York as here, right?” 

“I know,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “But… I want you to borrow this from me. You know… so you don’t forget you have someone waiting for you.” 

She slipped it over her shoulders, giggling when she practically swam in it. She zipped it near to her chin, pushing the sleeves until her hands were (barely) uncovered; “Who could ever forget you, Ryunosuke? Also… borrow? I thought this was a gift.”

He was teasing her, but he also found it easier if he couldn’t look at her eyes. He grabbed both sides of her hood and pulled it over her head, holding it in place; “Yeah. I expect it back, so you have to come back to me. Deal?” 

She giggled again, giving his hands a squeeze; “Deal.” 

His smile wobbled. He tapped the tip of her nose with his finger; “Cute… real cute.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New Drinking Game: Take a shot every time I make one of my fictional crushes like Great British Bake-Off. Spoilers: You'll die


	9. Chapter 9

He thought nothing would change with 13 hours and an ocean between them. It was what technology and social media were for. Besides, with his aggressive schedule, he didn’t have time to do much at the end of the day other than shower, answer her good night text, and collapse into bed, asleep before he hit the pillow. He thought nothing would change...

He thought wrong. 

He hadn’t realized how much he’d come to rely on her daily string of texts. Not to mention, there was a level of security knowing he could call on her at any time, and she’d likely be there. He rarely did, but he could. He had that freedom. Now, it was gone. She was clear on the other side of the world. The only reason he knew what she was up to was because he’d taken to low-key stalking her social media platforms. 

He’d followed her on Instagram and Twitter the day she left, and Snapchat a few days after. It was a macro version of what she sent him--mostly aesthetic pictures of food and ridiculous selfies--but it was nice to know what she was doing. There were several pictures taken inside bars and clubs, a few touristy spots she visited during her off hours, and several in the studio. It made him feel like he was at least a little bit privy to her life, now that their conversations had dwindled to about two, maybe three, texts per day. 

Which is why he was so shocked when his phone blared her custom ringtone during a rehearsal. She’d been gone for about two weeks, and he was just starting to get a bit antsy at not having heard her voice in so long. But… he checked the time. It was the middle of the night in New York. So now he was nervous. With apologies to Gaku and Tenn for interrupting, he answered the call with the absolute worst case scenarios rolling through his head. 

“Yumi? Are you OK?” His hand shook. Oh god, she was dead. Or dying, or--

“Oh, thank god, Ryunosuke,” she said, her voice bordering on manic. “Yeah I’m fine. Sorry.” 

“It’s 3:30 in the morning over there,” he said, breathing a sigh of relief. “Did something happen?” 

“Sort of,” she answered. Her voice was husky, like she was woken from a dead sleep. She sounded warm and soft, if a little panicked. “I desperately need a huge, huge favor. I will owe you literally forever.” 

“You don’t have to buy favors from me, Yumi,” he said, huffing a short, disbelieving laugh. “What’s wrong?” 

“I sort of left some super important documents on my desk at home.” She lilted up the end of the sentence like a question. He could practically hear the shrug in her voice. “It’s for a huge, massive presentation next week, and I really really need my files. Is there any way you could… say… overnight them to me? I would be ever so grateful, and I promise I’ll wire you the fees when the banks open in the morning!” 

“Don’t worry about it,” he said, interrupting her mid-tirade. It was kind of nice to be the calm one, for once. “Just send me the address and I’ll get it to you as fast as I can.” Oh wait… “Except I don’t have your key.” 

“Hana has a key,” Yumi said. “I’ll let her know you need it. Seriously, you have no idea how much this means to me. You’re getting the biggest thank you hug when I get back.” 

He hung onto that ‘when’ like it was a lifeline. The small anxious part of his brain had latched onto her constantly-changing plans and a lack of return date, and gradually a ‘when’ had turned into an ‘if.’ He had to believe she was coming back. 

In the meantime, he had to make sure she kept her job. She gave him the name of the courier service he should use, along with the address. Daidouji-san ran the key over with strict instructions to protect it until she could come collect it from him, before she rushed off to her next job. Ryuu didn’t have a lot of time between commitments, so Gaku offered to drive him over. 

Tenn rolled his eyes; “You know we don’t have very long before we have to be at that variety filming, yeah?”

“It’s going to be less than an hour, Tenn,” Gaku sniped, pulling his sunglasses from his center console. “We can meet over there.” 

“Or I can come with you,” Tenn said, climbing into the back seat. He made himself comfortable, crossing his arms obstinately. 

“Aww, I didn’t know you cared!” Gaku pulled into traffic.Thankfully, he remembered the way to Yumi’s place. 

“I don’t,” Tenn replied evenly with the world’s least convincing shrug. Ryuu was honestly surprised--Tenn was such a great actor. “But this is more efficient. This way we can all arrive at the studio at the same time, and I’m not waiting for you for hours on end.” 

“Uh huh,” Gaku said with a laugh. 

“Can we not today?” Ryuu asked, chuckling under his breath. “We were doing so well, too.” 

Thankfully, Yumi didn’t live far from the studio. It made sense, considering it was her job. It wouldn’t take long, especially if the files were just sitting out, like she said. 

“We’ll wait here,” Gaku said, turning up the air conditioning. Tenn said nothing, but his mouth turned down at the edges. He stared out the window with such scrutiny, it was like he was trying to shatter the glass with the force of his mind. Ryuu wouldn’t put it past him. “Get what you need… take your time.”

Ryuu gave him a grateful smile, hurrying to her door. He thought he got a look of recognition from one of the other tenants, but thankfully he was able to slip past them. Yumi’s apartment was largely as he remembered, but a few things changed. It was stuffy and damp--likely from being closed up during the hottest part of the year--the empty refrigerator was unplugged and propped open, and the lights didn’t turn on. She’d disconnected her electricity service--it would have been nice if she told him--but thankfully he could use his phone to make up for the low lighting. He breathed in deep. It smelled like her. Despite the fact she hadn’t been in the apartment for more than half a month, it still smelled like her floral perfume, like it had seeped into the wood of the place. 

The manilla envelope was on her neatly-made bed. He shook his head indulgently… such a strange spot for it. He gathered the materials, double checking to make sure he had everything. He also watered the little succulent on her nightstand, just in case. His elbow knocked into something, sending it crashing to the floor with a dull, rubber  _ thud _ . Then his phone started vibrating--Tenn was likely getting impatient. 

Wait… that wasn’t his phone. 

It was small, discreet, and so quiet he likely wouldn’t have noticed it was on until it started rattling against the night stand. He’d never actually  _ seen _ a vibrator before, but he was 100% sure that was  _ exactly  _ what that was. He stood frozen--that had most certainly not been out when he had been there before. So when had she taken it out…

_ She took it out after I left? _

He knew why. Of course he knew why. He was naive, not stupid. His face felt so unbearably hot, and his mind was buzzing louder than the little sex toy on her floor. His knees could barely hold him up. He was totally overwhelmed, between her lingering scent and the unfamiliar setting and the merrily buzzing plastic on her floor. 

His phone buzzed--he was positive it was his phone this time. Tenn was getting impatient. He gingerly picked up the toy, clicked what looked like a button, and (thankfully) it turned off. He jammed it into the night stand with such force the whole thing rattled. His ears burned, and he struggled to get breath into his lungs as he fumbled with the front door lock. He practically sprinted to Gaku’s car. 

“There you are,” Gaku said as Ryuu fumbled with his seatbelt. “What took you?” 

Ryuu clutched the papers to his chest tightly, hopefully not crinkling them too badly. He murmured an excuse he couldn’t remember; he felt like he could hear it still buzzing--buzzing in his ears and in the drawer upstairs like an obscene tell tale heart. He gave Gaku the address for the courier service, unable to make eye contact for the rest of the night. 

He was ashamed and embarrassed and  _ high-key _ not ready to deal with this… but a small part of him was curious. What did she look like when she used it?

The image would haunt him for a few weeks.

~~~

As the beginning of August approached and IdolFesta grew closer, he found he was less and less satisfied with the intermittent texts. He was starting to feel like he’d dreamed his whole relationship up to combat extreme loneliness.  

Which was why he nearly squealed like a school girl when, a week before the concert, he got a text from Yumi. 

**_Yumi:_ ** _ Hey, I miss your pretty pretty face. We should Skype. _

He grinned, barely maintaining the energy to hold his phone over his face. His limbs felt like lead, and he was probably going to fall asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow, but he didn’t care. He wanted to see her. He needed to be reminded that she existed and that she was coming home. 

**_Me:_ ** _ Name a time. I’ll  make it work.  _

**_Yumi:_ ** _ It’ll be late for you, but I was hoping tonight after my morning session but before we make the drive back to the city? Once we get back to Manhattan, it’s going to be crazy.  _

The bottom fell out of Ryuu’s stomach--that meant her return date was probably getting pushed back further. He took a deep, calming breath, before carefully tapping out a reply. He tried not to let his disappointment and anxiety bleed into his text. 

**_Me:_ ** _ Sure. What time?  _

**_Yumi:_ ** _ For you, it’ll be about 2:30 in the morning today. Is that OK? I know it’s super late. But I really, really want to see you. I probably won’t be able to again for a while.  _

He swallowed hard around the lump in his throat--he didn’t know it was possible for there to be even less contact now, but he was sure it was. He typed back an affirmative before willing himself into finishing his practice. Tenn would likely throttle him if he let his love life (or lack of one) distract him. 

He’d planned on getting home, napping for a few hours, and being refreshed for her call. But he was so wired the second he stepped over his threshold he couldn’t imagine sleeping. He tried to relax--took a bath, ate a simple dinner, got comfortable in his bed--but the looming deadline inched ever closer, and his anticipation racked. And with anticipation came anxiety. 

_ What if she cancels? What if it’s a serious talk? What if something  _ happened!? _ What if she wants to break up? Or she’s moving!  _

He buried his face in his pillow, taking deep, steadying breaths. It wouldn’t do for him to send himself into a panic just before she called. He stared at his alarm clock, watching the numbers tick by, until finally he couldn’t take it anymore. He opened his laptop, the blue ‘S’ icon staring him in the face. It was still a little early, but maybe… 

He came online, and Skype lit up, singing merrily at him. He grinned, clicking the video call icon to answer her. It took a bit for the pixels to fade, but sure enough, there she was. He didn’t know where to start... Sunlight streamed into her hotel room, throwing gilded streams across her body. Her hair was loose around her shoulders, framing her dark-framed glasses, her bare thighs were tucked underneath her, and she was was completely engulfed in his blue sweatshirt. She gave him a huge, wobbly smile when she saw him, and the way his cheeks ached, his smile was probably just as wide. 

“Ryunosuke,” she said, almost whispered, like she couldn’t believe she was seeing him. “Wow, were you always this handsome, or do I just miss you that much?” 

He buried his face in his pillow; “Stop…” 

“Please don’t hide on me, I don’t have long,” she said. When he looked up, she was rubbing her cheek against his sweatshirt, turning her face into the fabric. Her face crumpled almost like she was in pain. “God, I wish you were here, though. I feel like it’s been ages.” 

“A little over a month now,” he said, taking her in. She looked… well, she looked perfect. His sweatshirt draped over her like a gentle, innocuous claim, and yet some manner of beast started whimpering, pawing at his rib cage, when he thought about how that sweatshirt probably smelled. He abruptly flashed to her apartment, the small, delicate vibrator… his face went up in flames. 

“I know, so much to catch up on!” She settled into her pillows, crossing her legs one over the other. He couldn’t stop staring at them. She had a small tattoo on the outside of her thigh--how had he not noticed that before? He couldn’t see what it was, though, and her guileless smile was too distracting. “Come on, tell me everything.” 

He filled her in on his life--costume fittings, early filming for his drama, aggressive rehearsal schedules for IdolFesta, photoshoots and ads for merchandise--and it felt like a lot. He’d told her about most of it through texts, but it was different to talk  _ to _ her. He felt like… well, he felt like he was having an actual conversation. Something started to sit right in his chest, even if the edge was still a little jagged and irritated. Meanwhile, she told him about everything happening in New York--clubs with clients, long hours in the booth, a few stolen hours here and there to go sightseeing. She told him about a distillery in Brooklyn she got to tour, and he started to feel his eyelids droop. He felt more at ease than he’d felt in a long time. 

“Are you falling asleep?” He snapped awake, rubbing the grit from his eyes to focus on her concerned face. “I’m sorry… you should get some sleep. You have a busy week ahead of you.” 

“No, I’m fine,” he said with a huge stretch. “How long do you have?” 

“Not long,” she answered, checking her phone. “Maybe twenty minutes or so? I can let you go; you  look exhausted.” 

“No,” he said emphatically. “No. Please… stay. A little longer. Please.” 

She smiled indulgently, turning her face to nuzzle against his sweatshirt again; “Alright, Ryuu. I’ll stay as long as you want.” A swell of affection burst in his chest, and even the tips of his fingers tingled with the force of it--especially given that she’d never called him Ryuu before. He liked it. “Oh, by the way, thanks for delivering my project papers! You saved my butt the other day.”

He jolted, resisting the urge to dive under the comforter and never come back out; “You’re… you’re welcome. Happy to help.” 

She tilted her head; “Is everything OK?” 

“I, um…” He rubbed at the back of his neck. “I found something… in your apartment. On your nightstand. I… it accidentally… I mean… it turned itself on, so I put it away for you.” 

She blinked at him a few times, confused, before realization dawned on her face and horror set in; “Oh, my god… Ryunosuke, I am so, so sorry! That is so ridiculously inappropriate and… wow, good thing you were alone or that might have been  _ embarrassing.  _ Also, if you weren’t alone, please lie to me and say you were. That way I can look Yaotome-san and Kujo-san in the eyes again someday.” 

“Gaku and Tenn were waiting in the car,” Ryuu said. “It’s ok, it’s not like I’m traumatized. It… it wasn’t out while I was over, right?” 

She shifted around on the bed, averting her eyes; “No… I took it out after you left.” 

“Oh…” He felt like steam was coming out of his ears. And yet, a part of him--small and purely instinctual--pounded his chest with pride. “I see.”

“If you never get comfortable with the idea of sex with me, that’s fine,” she said, drawing her knees up to her chest. He noticed she did that when she talked about things that made her uncomfortable, but all it did was display all that beautiful, lily-white skin on the backs of her thighs. He also noticed the black strip of her underwear and he nearly choked on air. “But… I’m a sexual person. And I am attracted to you, Ryunosuke. So sometimes, I,” she shrugged, “take care of myself.”

“I do,” he said, tripping over his words. He flushed at the idea of her… ‘taking care of herself.’ He also felt a keen sting to his pride, and he wasn’t sure where that came from. “I do want to have sex with you again. For real this time… but I’m just… I’m not ready.” 

Her gaze was shuttered and inscrutable; “Do… you mind if I ask why?” 

He shifted uncomfortably, avoiding eye contact; “It’s… my first time. I’ve never been with anyone, and it just makes me nervous.” He swallowed hard. He tried not to think of all the ways it could go wrong, all the ways it could hurt her, all the ways it could hurt  _ him _ … “I need it to be with someone special. Someone I can trust. But I really, really want to see where this goes.”

Her expression crumpled, and it felt like he’d been punched in the stomach; “You… don’t trust me?”

“No! It’s… it’s not that!” He groaned, fisting his hands in his hair. Why couldn’t he just…  _ say _ it? He didn’t even have the right words. “It’s hard to explain. I’m just… not ready. To be physical yet.”

“Oh,” she averted her eyes. Her legs shifted again, and he couldn't. Stop. Staring.

He let out a breathless sigh, trying to tame the wild blush that spread over his chest, and organized his thoughts. He  _ had _ to say the next thing exactly right; “That’s not to say I don’t want to be… intimate. I just… don’t know how. Without. You know. Sex.”

“Oh?” She tilted her head and pushed her hair behind her ear. The long flash of pale skin at her throat caught his eye, and she must have caught him staring, because a spark of understanding flashed through her eyes. “ _ Oh! _ Ok, yeah. I understand, Ryunosuke. I do. So you just take all the time you need.” 

“And if… if I’m never ready?” 

She shrugged; “Then you’re never ready. It’s not going to drive me away, you know.” 

He smiled gratefully, not sure what to say. He was so caught between affection and pining and longing for touch… that combined with the mild arousal that seemed to build slowly since the call had started. 

“I think I want to,” he said, trying to convey with his eyes what his words were utterly failing to do. “Someday. I’m just not sure.” 

She licked her lips, settling into her pillows; “You know, there are ways to get intimate without having sex. For instance, we could…” she started tracing meaningless shapes on the outside of her thighs, like she was trying to simulate his touch. “We could do… this.” 

This time, he choked on air; “ _ What?”  _

“I could talk you through it.” Her fingers started to wander more deliberately, her thighs twitching like they wanted to spread all on their own. “I could touch myself, too… if you like.” 

He sounded a bit like he’d been strangled, and he was having trouble pulling in air… plus, there were all those horror stories about hacked webcams and leaked nudes. And yet, there was something alluring about it--something shockingly intimate, watching something so inherently private, playing out just for him. He swallowed hard; “You can… start slow.” 

She made a little purr of triumph; “Feel free to join me any time… to be honest, I’ve been dying to do this since our first night.” Her hand wandered up her thigh, and his fingertips tingled with the phantom sensation of her skin on his. He put his shaking hands on his thighs, squeezing to try and mimic the feel of her touch. “You have such beautiful hands, Ryuu.”

“Stop,” he murmured, trying to hide his face from her. “They’re just hands.” 

“They’re yours, though,” her fingers finally dipped between her legs, letting her thighs fall open. She was covered by her underwear, but somehow it just made it more intense, knowing what was behind it and being unable to see it. “And I love them. I love when you touch me. Sometimes, I pretend it’s you touching me.” 

She massaged in deliberate strokes at the juncture of her thighs, toying at the seams of her underwear. Seeing her, spread out on her pillows, wearing his sweatshirt,  _ touching herself _ like this… his entire blood supply shot south, and his dick begged for attention. He bit into his index finger and slipped his other hand beneath his waistband. He groaned at the sudden contact, squeezing tightly to avoid any mishaps. He wasn’t going to last at all. 

She grinned when she saw what he was doing; “I wish I could be there, making you feel good. I  love touching you.” 

He could only groan quietly in response, muffled against his palm; he wished she was there, too… and not just to make him feel good. His eyes were laser-focused on her hands, which dipped into the waistband of her underwear. He could just see the vague outline of her hand, moving in deliberate circles. His hand jerked, running along his length in unhurried strokes. He still felt the telltale tingle of orgasm behind his belly button too quickly… 

“Do you want to see?” Her words dripped from her mouth like honey, and she melted into the pillows like frosting on a hot day. Her expression was pure seduction and sin, but her eyes gave the impression that he could absolutely say no, if he chose, and she wouldn’t think poorly of him. 

He tried to calm his ragged breathing before answering with a pathetic, “P-please…” 

She grinned lasciviously, working her underwear over her thighs with a flourish, before pressing her thighs apart once more. He whined high in his throat at the sight--pillowy lips, petal pink and glistening with her arousal. He remembered the heat on his hand and the musk in his nose, and the sense memory hit him with such force, he was left breathless. His hips stuttered; he let his eyes slide closed, but it just let him hear her breathless praise more keenly. He shook hard. He was totally overwhelmed, and his skin felt too warm but the air conditioner made him shiver and goosebumps rise on his exposed arms. Lightning raced down his spine. 

“So good,” she groaned, arching into her own hand. “So good, Ryuu… I love how you sound.” 

He increased the speed of his strokes, twisting at the top. He could barely focus any more, chasing his orgasm like his life depended on it. Tears blurred his vision as he lost control of his voice, and he whined a high plea that was so loud, it rang in his ears. Her voice hit a pitch that was so achingly familiar to him that he could practically feel those four strong pulses around his fingers. 

“Yumi…” he gasped, not sure what he was asking for. “Yumi… please.” 

“God, Ryuu… I… god,” she gasped. Her hips lifted in short, aborted thrusts, and her free hand slid up her own body to grasp at her breast beneath his sweatshirt. It was such a potent, purely sexual image, he felt like he might explode. 

“Yumi, I’m…” He recognized the tingly ache that began in his toes and slowly jumped up his legs until every muscle in his body twitched with his pleasure.

“Come for me, Ryuu,” she begged, her soaked fingers not once stopping their punishing rhythm on her ruby-red clit. “Please.” 

It was like her permission opened the floodgate, because he came so suddenly--so  _ violently _ \--he felt dizzy with the force. He probably wouldn’t be able to look his neighbors in the eye the next morning, he cried out so loudly. He shivered in the aftermath as thunder rolled in his ears… or that may have been his blood pounding. His whole body buzzed with the afterglow, making him feel content and warm and fuzzy… 

And then his body cooled, and he realized he was alone with a mess on his hands and a computer on his lap. He could feel his limbs shake as he cleaned off his hand, and not in a good way. 

“Ryuu?” She sounded so concerned. He felt awful ruining this for her. “Ryuu, baby, are you crying?” 

He tried to answer her, because of course he wasn’t crying, but his answer got caught on a sob. He clapped his hand to his mouth, shaking his head rapidly, but the tears came on their own. They flowed silently and without sign of stopping down his cheeks. 

“Oh, Ryuu, baby, I’m sorry,” she said, looking so genuinely distraught, it threatened to pull another sob from within his chest. He felt terrible. “Ryuu, look at me. It’s ok. It is.” 

He tried to explain, or make it stop, or… anything, really, but all he could choke out was a strangled; “ _ Why? _ ” 

“Because it was an emotional experience,” she said matter-of-factly, like this was normal. He wasn’t sure if that made it better or worse.”And you probably need some physical reassurance right now, and… well, you’re…” 

He was alone. She clearly didn’t have the heart to say it, but that didn’t make it any less true. He wiped pathetically at his eyes; fresh tears rolled onto his cheeks to replace the ones he cleared; “I just… I miss you so much.” 

“I know, I miss you too.” She reached out to touch the screen, like she was going to touch him. It wasn’t enough. 

He touched his own screen, pretending that the imagined connection was her touch; “When are you coming home?” 

It wasn’t a fair question, and a small part of him realized he wasn’t being reasonable. He was essentially throwing a tantrum to get what he wanted, and it wasn’t going to get him anywhere, and it all just made him feel more like garbage. He knew he probably wouldn’t see her again until after the summer. Ice settled in his chest--he didn’t know if she would be back for his birthday. She likely didn’t either. 

“Soon, Ryuu,” she answered, her mouth set in a determined line. “Really soon. I promise.” 

He didn’t know how long they sat there in silence, waiting for him to cry himself out, neither of them sure what to say. He sniffled pathetically when her phone chimed, deafening in the silence. Her own mouth wobbled, and she wiped at her eyes. She’d been crying, too. Now he  _ really _ felt terrible. 

“Ryuu, I have to go,” she said with genuine regret in her voice. “I’m so sorry… I’ll… I’ll talk to you really soon, OK?” 

“OK,” he replied. There was so much he wanted to say, but it was all caught up in the tight ball of emotions and confused feelings and  _ want _ tangled in his chest. He just wanted to see her again… to hold her again. He didn’t want to say goodbye, but he had to. He had to end the call… but there was such a sense of finality to it. That little red “end” icon taunted him, and physically hurt him to click. “Bye.” 

With a flash and a sound effect from Skype, she was gone. He slammed his laptop closed, curling into his pillow that only smelled like him, punctuating how alone he felt. He couldn’t cry anymore--he was cried out--but he couldn’t sleep either, despite feeling more exhausted than he’d ever felt. It was pathetic. He’d gone his whole life without a partner just fine, and now a few months into barely-a-relationship, and suddenly he was one of those people that couldn’t live without his significant other. 

He curled around his pillow, feeling his eyes get a little heavier. He needed sleep--they were in the home stretch, and then he was headed home to Okinawa where he could potentially get his head back on straight. He thought of that extra, lonely ticket he bought for the trip home, just in case, sitting in the drawer, taunting him with it’s yawning, gaping emptiness.

He didn’t know how much more of this he could take.


	10. Chapter 10

IdolFesta. The biggest Idol-based event in Japan. It was a massive, 3-day concert event that drew idols and idol groups of all shapes and sizes from all over the country. TRIGGER had the coveted Saturday-night headliner spot, but despite not going on for hours, they still had to be there monstrously early for soundcheck. It was absolute and utter chaos, and despite that, Ryuu felt totally and completely at home. This was familiar. This stress he knew how to deal with. 

A harried production assistant swooped upon them, and while Anesagi got them checked in, Ryuu took it all in. The groups were remarkably varied, from a quartet of rookies so young they looked like they were still in middle school to a 10-man group that had been doing the idol rigmarole for the better part of a decade; there was a trio of men from Tokyo that Ryuu recognized as the eclectic and wildly-popular group, NightOwls, and an unbearably cool Hokkaido-based duo called Saint Snow. He was also keenly aware of the crew and staffers, in their black t-shirts. It was a madhouse. 

They were ushered to dressing room 6, their home base for the day. Anesagi fluttered off to take care of the business end, telling them their soundcheck was on the main stage in half an hour. Tenn started a relaxation routine that he’d stuck to religiously since they started to perform together--once the earbuds were in, he’d be unreachable for at least twenty minutes or so. Gaku said he wanted to say hi to someone (he didn’t mention who) and rushed out of the room without further clarification. Ryuu, for lack of anything better to do, decided to wander. He had enough time before their sound check to get his bearings and say hi to people.

He would never get over the people who were utterly star struck to be in his presence. He did manage to frighten a poor rookie, and he felt bad about that, but their coach assured him that she was just a nervous girl and he shouldn’t take it personally. Still, he couldn’t believe the calibre of talent. It wasn’t quite like Music Festa; aside from the few debuting acts (and even they were usually coached by seasoned veterans) everyone there rocked Japan to its core on a regular basis. 

He got pulled into a brief conversation with the excitable lead vocalist of NightOwls, who was very enthusiastic about TRIGGER’s music, before he had to get a drink. He made his way over to the small beverage station, which at the moment, was blessedly free of crowds. Only a few people were milling around--sound check was starting for a lot of acts--but he did recognize a bright orange mop of hair. 

“Mitsuki-kun,” he said, grinning at his fellow idol. He rather liked Mitsuki-kun--he was one of the IDOLiSH7 members he really got along with, although all of them were good kids. “Good to see you.” 

Mitsuki-kun grinned back, although it was strained. If his schedule had been as aggressive these past few weeks as Ryuu’s, he was probably just as exhausted; “You too, Tsunashi-san. Quite a showcase, right? I’ve only seen some of these acts on TV, and now they’re wandering around in sweatpants and ball caps.” 

He and Mitsuki-kun caught up a bit over their drinks; Ryuu was very careful to keep the conversation to work--his new drama, this concert--and perfunctory details about his life, like his upcoming trip home. He wasn’t exactly hiding his relationship with Yumi, but he hadn’t exactly gone public either. He was nervous to be open with it, especially around his fans… as Gaku had mentioned when everything began, they had heard some horror stories. 

“So,” Mitsuki-kun said, chucking his bottle into the recycling bin. “I have to confirm--mostly because Yamato-san owes me money if I’m right--is the ever-enigmatic Tsunashi Ryunosuke  _ really _ seeing someone?” His voice took on a teasing lilt at the end. 

Ryuu nearly choked on his water; “ _ What?  _ Where did you hear that?!” 

“A lot of places,” Mitsuki-kun said with a shrug. “Mostly this insane blog analyzing your poster for your drama with excruciating detail.” 

He took out his phone, pulling up the article. It had his advert, along with a several-paragraphs-long break down of how it was different from his previous photos. About how the heat in his eyes was more authentic, warmer, less guarded; about how the high blush on his cheeks made him seem more vulnerable. Ryuu knew that photo was taken when he was looking at Yumi, and as cliche as it was, he was looking at her like a man in love. His face may have been intense, like he was headed into battle with his billowy costume flowing behind him like a cape… but his eyes were soft, almost liquid, and his mouth was parted in a gentle pout that was sort of off brand for him. It was a bizarre combination of vulnerable and stern, and judging by the comments, his fans really seemed to like it. They all said something along the lines of ‘he looks like he’s really in love; so cute!’ For the first time in his career, he felt like he was looking at a picture of someone else. 

“So,” Mitsuki-kun asked, snapping Ryuu out of his reverie, “is it true?” 

Ryuu sighed, rubbing at the back of his neck. He was sort of stuck between a rock and a hard place, but in the end, he had to choose honesty. It would hurt both him and Yumi more if he didn’t; “Sort of. I have been seeing someone.” 

“Yes! Yamato-san owes me… wait,” Mitsuki-kun gave him a hard look. “What do you mean ‘sort of?’” 

Ryuu shifted uncomfortably; “It’s… it’s nothing. It’s personal stuff.” 

Mitsuki-kun shrugged; “If that’s how you feel, but we’ve performed together, so as far as I’m concerned, we’re friends. But I won’t force you… so I should be getting back to my dressing room, I guess. My sound check is pretty soon.” 

Something broke in Ryuu--the fears and doubts he couldn’t express to Gaku and  _ especially _ not to Tenn curdling in his chest and demanding to see the light of day; “I have been seeing someone. Her name is Maeda; she’s a freelance audio engineer; she worked on TRIGGER’s new single. We met at a coffee shop when I dumped her coffee on her.” 

Mitsuki-kun blinked a few times before bursting into hearty chuckles. They weren’t malicious, by any means, but Ryuu’s ears turned an embarrassing shade of red all the same; “Wow. That sounds like something from a rom com. That is a  _ literal _ meet cute.” 

Ryuu tried not to pout, but it certainly reminded him that Mitsuki-kun was definitely a big brother… and not just because he was the most supportive person he knew. Ryuu couldn’t be certain that if his brothers had come to him with the same story, he wouldn’t laugh himself; “It’s not that funny.” 

“Sorry, sorry, I don’t meant to laugh,” Mitsuki-kun said. “Really, I don’t. It’s cute, actually. So what’s the problem? You don’t trust her?” 

“No, I do,” Ryuu replied after some thought. Because he did. He did trust her. He trusted her enough to let him into his life, to touch him in ways he’d never been touched, to show sides of himself not even the people he loved most knew… It felt strange. Things moved so fast, but now… “It’s just that it’s all stopped. She’s been out of the country for two months, and she doesn’t know when or if she’s coming back, and it’s just… hard. It’s really hard.” 

Mitsuki-kun narrowed his eyes, tapping on his lower lip; “Stop me if this is too much, but… has she alluded to breaking up with you?” 

“Not at all,” Ryuu answered. “But it just… feels like a matter of time.” 

Mitsuki-kun gave him a reassuring smile; “Then to be honest, I think you’re overthinking it. You said you trust her, right? Then trust her.” 

Ryuu laughed under his breath; “You’re right. Simple solutions and all that, I guess.” 

Mitsuki-kun shrugged, his eyes taking on a faraway, wistful quality; “Sometimes love  _ is  _ simple. So long as we talk to each other and trust each other. Right?” 

Ryuu smiled and nodded, taking Mitsuki-kun’s words to heart. He swallowed hard, pleading the need to get back in time for sound check. Thankfully, the engineers hadn’t started to come looking for him, yet. They were still working on getting Tenn’s microphone into place. Gaku was texting furiously, and he hid his phone as quickly as he could as soon as Ryuu walked through the door. 

Ryuu had to laugh. Gaku certainly wasn’t subtle, but he was a good friend. 

After soundcheck, they had hours to sit around while they waited for their turn. It gave time for an overly-fussy make-up artist to go at Tenn with a pair of tweezers like he was her personal masterpiece. Gaku kept messing with his artist’s tools, much to Anesagi’s chagrin, but Ryuu knew better--if the artist really minded, he would have stopped. Ryuu picked at the light packed lunch that had been provided, mulling over Mitsuki’s words. 

“You OK?” Gaku asked, shooing the make-up artist off of him, assuring her he could apply his own lipgloss after he ate, thanks. “You seem off.” 

“Yeah, just… thinking,” Ryuu answered, cutting his chicken into little bits with his chopsticks. Tenn reached over and stole part of Ryuu’s omelette. He didn’t stop him. “You know, I invited Yumi to this ages ago.” 

“Yeah, I remember telling you to do it,” Gaku replied. “I know it’s been hard being separated like this, but you’ve done really well with it so far.” 

Ryuu shrugged, feeling a bit like a kindergartener being told he was doing a good job with his scissor craft; “Do you think I don’t trust her?” 

“Why, because she’s not here and you’re sad?” Gaku quirked his eyebrows. “Seriously, that’s totally normal. You didn’t have a lot of time to establish intimacy before she left; you were just starting to hit that phase in the relationship when you can’t stand to be separated for even a minute, and then she up and left.” 

“For work,” Ryuu clarified. “She didn’t do it to be malicious.” 

“I know,” Gaku said, glancing at his phone and replying to a text. “But that doesn’t negate the fact that you’re hurting, and that you’re not a bad guy for hurting. You can still trust her and miss her, man. You know?” 

Ryuu’s smile wobbled a bit--leave it to Gaku to get right to the heart of his issues--and with that piece of advice, one more cloud over his head cleared. He busied himself studying the set list--he fussed over the fact he had to do his solo single for the first time live--with only the muffled sound of the show outside, the tinny trill of Tenn’s headphones, and Gaku’s tapping on his phone screen for background noise. 

Unable to stand the silence anymore, Ryuu turned towards Gaku, careful not to peek at the screen; “Who’re you texting? Or am I not allowed to know?” 

“It’s just Tsumugi,” Gaku replied evenly, even if the bright pink on the tips of his ears gave him away. 

“Tsumugi, hm?” Ryuu nudged Gaku’s leg with his boot, careful not to soil the crisp black pants the costumer had put them into. “Not Takanashi-san?” 

Gaku wrinkled his nose in that way he did when he was embarrassed. To anyone else, he would look perturbed, but to Ryuu he looked cute. Like one of his little brothers; “She’s picking something up for me; I’m telling her where to drop it off.” 

Anesagi burst through the door, yanking the boys back to the matter at hand; “Thirty minute warning, boys! Meet in Prep Area B.” 

Gaku sent one last text before sticking his phone deep in his bag. They were ushered into the wings where the audio crew could do one last mic check, the make-up artists could do one more touch-up, and the costumers could do one more adjustment. Ryuu sank into a deep squat to stretch out the inside of his thighs. No matter how many times he performed on huge stages in front of thousands of fans, it was still nerve-wracking. He gripped the front of his shirt, taking deep, measured breaths to calm his nerves. 

Then, a pair of hands slid over his eyes, and in a flash of longing he smelled flowers. 

“Guess who.” 

The voice was lilting, flirty, and achingly familiar. He didn’t want to believe it was true. He could barely whisper her name, and when he turned and saw her beautiful, sunshine smile, he near burst into tears. She wore high-waisted shorts and a brand new TRIGGER tank top that was likely bought at the merchandise stand. A blue glow necklace was draped around her neck. She smelled like coffee and the sharp tang of body odor and stale airplane, but there was that strong, floral undercurrent that made everything in his body loosen and sit correctly. The jagged edges in his chest smoothed and righted themselves. 

“Yumi,” he said, breathless with disbelief, as he gathered her into his arms. He didn’t have long… damn it, he didn’t have long at all. “What are you doing here? You’re not supposed to be back!” 

“It’s a long story,” she said, her smile softening in his presence. At least, he hoped it was his presence. She tucked a stray strand of his hair back, and he leaned into the touch like a spoiled cat. “I just came back real quick to tell you to break a leg, and I’ll be out there watching. Like you wanted me to.” 

“Why would you ask him to break his leg?” Gaku asked, genuinely curious. 

“It’s an American term to wish performers luck,” Tenn interjected with a playful roll of his eyes. “Maeda-san just didn’t realize it doesn’t translate.” 

Yumi giggled, rubbing the back of her neck, and if it wasn't the most precious thing… “Sorry. I have to adjust back to real life. I promise I’ll tell you everything tonight, OK?” 

He gathered her into his arms once more, pressing his face into her neck as much as he dared, and inhaled deeply. It was too real--too imperfect--to be a dream. Even when she disappeared to go back to her seat, her warmth lingered against his tingling hands. Gaku could clearly no longer contain his triumphant expression--he’d set this up. Ryuu had no idea how, but he had made it happen somehow, and he could kiss the man for it. 

When it was their turn, Ryuu walked out onto the stage buzzing with adrenaline and energy he didn’t realize he had, letting the bouncing tri-colored light sticks and the rhythmic chanting of ‘TRIGGER’ fuel him. He knew that one of those lights, one of those screaming voices, one of the nebulous shadows behind the impossibly-bright lights was Yumi. Just like he’d originally wanted. He was sure he’d given one of the best performances of his life, but to him at that moment, it didn’t matter. She was watching. She was  _ home _ . 

He couldn’t be happier if he tried. 


	11. Chapter 11

“Here, I took a video of the club. I swear this DJ sampled ‘ _ Secret Night,’ _ but I want your confirmation.” Yumi was pressed into his side under his covers, his arm around her shoulders. He took her free hand in his, interlacing their fingers and squeezing, like he was afraid she’d disappear again. She scrolled through her phone, pulling up a video, and sure enough, he could hear his own voice (heavily modulated and low in the mix, but his own voice nonetheless) around the thumping music. “I think I cut the video before I start drunkenly slurring ‘that’s my boyfriend,’ but you get the picture.” 

He pulled her close, burying his laugh in her hair. Even with the air conditioner on, the August heat necessitated minimal covers and minimal clothing. Her hair was still a little damp from the bath, and he was still buzzing with excess energy from the concert, but he was coming down and  _ fast _ . Her skin pressed against his, the lazy shapes she drew over the ridges of his abdomen, and the bone-deep contentment he felt in her presence was slowly lulling him to sleep. He drew meaningless shapes into her back through his t-shirt as she scrolled through her phone, pointing out pictures she’d taken. Her words were starting to slur a bit, though. 

“Yumi,” he said, nosing further into her hair, greedily soaking up every bit of contact he could get. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m thrilled you’re here, and I love hearing about all this, but you’ve been up for, what, 40 hours?” 

“46 and a half,” she corrected, burrowing into his side. She was losing her battle with sleep and quickly. 

He brushed her hair back from her face, watching her eyelashes flutter; “OK, so that means you should probably sleep.” 

“No,” she drew out the word into a long whine, burying her face into his chest. “You’re leaving for Okinawa for your week off and I just… I want to see you.” 

“I’m leaving the day after tomorrow. We can still spend time together.” He chose not to mention the kilometer-long list of errands he needed to run in the morning to get ready for his trip… maybe he could take her with him. If she wasn’t so jetlagged. Once again, he thought to the ticket buried in his desk drawer, tucked into the pages of his planner. He’d remained optimistic until the last possible moment, and now he was glad he did. “Or... you could come with me.” 

“That’d be nice,” she murmured sleepily. “But at this stage, I’d be spending a small fortune, if I could find a ticket at all.” 

“I already have a spare,” he said. “I… bought two. When I got tickets home, I got one for you. Just in case.” 

“And you didn’t cancel it? My coming home early was… not planned.” She’d tensed up in his arms, and he tried to stop himself from just gathering her to him and never letting go. 

“I was optimistic,” he replied with a shrug. “I know my dad would be ok with it, and my brothers definitely want to meet you… and I’m getting together with some old friends, so…” He trailed off, a flush working its way up his neck. 

She pulled away with narrowed eyes and a scrutinizing gaze. His body felt cold for more than just her lack of contact; “Tsunashi Ryunosuke, are you inviting me home to meet your family?” 

He swallowed hard; “Yes. I am. You’re important to me, and they’re important to me, and I want you to meet them. I want to take you to the places where I grew up and share them with you.” He tucked her hair behind her ear, letting his palm settle at the base of her neck. He could feel her pulse jump under his hand. “So yes. I’m inviting you home with me. If you want to.” 

It was the first time he’d ever managed to just lay out his feelings to her, and the effect was instantaneous and visible. He breath stuttered in her chest, and her wide-eyed expression was touched with a tinge of pink. She blinked a few times, leaning into his touch and sending excited flutters from his chest out to the tips of his fingers and toes.

“Damn, Ryuu,” she said, a breathless laugh catching in her voice. “With an offer like that, how can a girl say no?” 

He grinned, letting the little swell of hope balloon in his chest; “So you’ll go with me?” 

She pressed a quick kiss to the corner of his mouth, nuzzling against his temple. He purred happily when she ran her thumb over the peach fuzz at the back of his neck. He greedily gathered her into his arms again, soaking up all the affection she had to offer. 

“Of course I’ll go with you,” she murmured into his hair, leaning into his embrace. She pressed her ear against his chest as he settled into his pillows, tapping out his heartbeat on his ribcage with her fingertips. “You’re so wonderful, Ryuu. How did I get so lucky?” 

It took about five seconds of him absently running his finger over the back of her neck before she nodded off in his arms. He snuggled in close, curling protectively around her like she would disappear if he stopped touching her, before he felt himself drift off.

~~~

Despite sleeping like the dead two nights in a row and downing hideously-strong coffee like it was going out of style, poor Yumi was still jet lagged to hell. She spent most of the trip to Okinawa leaning into Ryuu’s side, or dozing. Even her supposed anxiety about flying gave way to a quick snooze. Ryuu didn’t mind. He busied himself with the novel he’d been working on for the better part of a month, holding her hand all the while. It wasn’t a long flight, and before they knew it, they landed at Naha. 

“I need to visit the lady’s room,” Yumi said, stretching hugely. “And coffee. Need coffee now.” 

“You just had three cups of it,” Ryuu chastised, pushing her braid back over her shoulder. “Maybe wait for it to set in before you vibrate out of your skin.” 

“Yeah, whatever you say,  _ dad _ ,” she teased. “I’ll meet you outside.”

After he picked up the rental car and their bags, he snuck away to call home. Once again, Souta answered. 

“Nii-chan!” Souta sounded excited, but tired. “Have you landed? Did you bring the mystery guest?” 

“You mean my girlfriend?” Ryuu asked with a quirked eyebrow. 

“I’m still convinced you made her up,” Souta teased. “So… did you bring her? I know it was very up in the air for a while.” 

“Yes, I brought her, I’m waiting for her before we go. I’d rather her not have to walk to dad’s.” 

“Probably a good move for your alleged love life,” Souta teased. 

“Hey, so how’re those entrance exams going?” Ryuu asked firmly, loading the bags into the back of the Jeep he’d rented. 

“Fine,” Souta murmured. “I’ve got the class rep helping me with my studies.” 

Ryuu tucked  _ that _ information away for safekeeping, but chose not to dwell; “We should be home in an hour or so. Is Dad going to be home? Do we need to pick up anything?”

“Dad’s picking up groceries now. He should be back before you get here,” Souta said. “He can’t wait to meet your alleged girlfriend, either.” 

“She’s not alleged!” Ryuu rolled his eyes at his brother’s antics. “Are Kou and Kouta going to be home this time?” 

“Yeah, Kou just got back from a training camp not too long ago, and Kouta’s rehearsals don’t start for another few weeks.” A voice--a girl’s voice--called from somewhere in the background, and Souta responded with a choke so mangled, Ryuu could almost hear himself for a second. “I have to go. Arisa-chan is waiting.” 

Oh, Ryuu would definitely have to give him crap for ‘Arisa-chan’ later. But he was more concerned by the fact that Yumi had yet to return from the bathroom. He was getting worried--it wasn’t the largest airport in the world, but it was still easy to get lost if it was unfamiliar. Thankfully, he saw her just as he got inside to look. She was staring at her phone, her brows furrowed. She cast a surreptitious glance around, her expression tense and her body language looking like she was ready to run. 

But then her eyes landed on him, and she relaxed. A little. 

“Hey, you,” she wrapped an arm around his waist, “Ready to go?” 

“Sure. I just got off the phone with my brother, and we’re all set.” Ryuu led her out to the open-air Jeep in the parking lot. 

“We’re taking this?” She gave the Jeep a skeptical look. 

“It’s the only way to travel around here that’s not a motorcycle or a boat,” Ryuu said, lifting himself into the driver’s seat. “My dad had one when I was in high school. I learned how to drive on that thing.” 

“Well, it’s going to wreak havoc on my meticulous side braid,” she teased, cinching her seatbelt as tightly as it would go. She frantically smoothed the baby hairs around her ears, like any of them cared what her hair looked like. He was pretty sure none of his brothers even  _ owned _ a comb. 

“Relax.” He grabbed her hand, pressing a gentle kiss to her fingertips. “I promise, Souta is going to be too surprised that you actually exist to care what your hair looks like.” 

Her grin wobbled before he put the Jeep in gear and took off. Ryuu was too caught up in the general excitement of just being home. The smell of the sea was so potent that it rocketed him back to high school quicker than anything else. He could hear the faint sounds of sea birds overhead. It sounded like home. She was caught somewhere between taking in the scenery and staring at her phone with a pronounced frown. 

“Are you OK?” He had to yell to be heard over the wind. 

“Yeah,” she said hastily, shoving her phone in her bag. “Just work stuff. Last minute stuff from cutting my trip short, you know?”

He took her hand in his, bringing her knuckles to his lips; “I’m super grateful for that, by the way. This… this is really important to me. I’m glad you’re here. But Dad’s house doesn’t have the greatest reception, so I hope you weren’t planning on spending the whole trip answering emails, or worse, conducting video calls.”

“No, work stops now,” she said, letting him lace their fingers together. “And for what it’s worth, I’m glad I’m here, too.” 

His childhood home used to be his grandmother’s house. He distinctly remembered moving there when his mother had been pregnant with Kounosuke. It was a large, traditional house, tucked away near the less populated beaches. Ryuu parked in the sunbaked drive, next to his father’s beat-up truck and his old dirt bike. He left the bags in the Jeep for the time being, eager to get inside. He breathed a sigh of relief as soon as he got through the door; he supposed home would always smell a certain way, no matter how long he was away. 

“I’m home!” He took Yumi’s hand eagerly, trying desperately to be patient while he waited for her to take off her shoes. 

Three sets of feet came thundering down the hallway, and one after the other his brothers slid into the genkan. While they were tall and broad like Ryuu, they were a bit stockier and rounder--like their mother--where Ryuu had their father’s sharper features. They all had their mother’s unbearably-thick sandy hair, though. Kounosuke had it cut into a trendy fade that flopped over his left eyebrow, or it would have, were it not crusted with product. All three of them fixed their amber eyes on Yumi, who waved shyly in greeting. 

“Ha!” Kounosuke nudged Souta in the ribs. “She’s real! Pay up!” 

“The bet was that she was his  _ girlfriend _ ,” Souta protested, crossing his arms and narrowing his eyes. “Excuse me, miss--” 

“Maeda,” Yumi quirked her eyebrows, playing along. 

“Maeda-san, nice to meet you,” Souta continued, “but for propriety’s sake, are you Ryu-nii’s girlfriend? Blink twice if you are being coerced.” 

“Souta!” Ryuu exclaimed, flushing red. 

Yumi just giggled, her cheeks turning a precious pink; “Well, your brother has referred to me as his girlfriend, so I’m going to assume yes?” 

“Yes!” Kounosuke slapped Souta between the shoulder blades, sending Souta off to his room grumbling. “It  _ really _ is a pleasure to meet you, Maeda-san. You have  _ no idea-- _ ” 

“Oh, shut up!” Souta shouted from the next room. 

“Serves you right for betting against me!” Ryuu shouted back. “Sorry, Yumi, but these unwashed idiots are my precious little brothers. This is Kounosuke and Kotaro; the one that just left in shame is Sotaro.”

“Nice to meet you, Maeda-san. Don’t worry, Nii-chan loves us,” Kounosuke threw his arms around Ryuu in a boisterous hug. 

“I do. I missed you,” Ryuu returned Kou’s hug with gusto. Kounosuke was the only one approaching Ryuu for height; no wonder he went out for basketball. “Did you get taller? What is Dad feeding you?”

“Just the usual,” Kou replied with a mild flex. “I might actually be more muscular than you now! You think they'd make me an idol, too?”

Kotaro snorted under his breath; “I doubt it. You have to have  _ talent _ before they’ll make you an idol.” 

“They made Nii-chan an idol, and he was a marshmallow when he left home,” Kounosuke scowled at Kotaro. 

“Hey!” Ryuu put Kou into a headlock, ruffling his overly coiffed hair. There was way too much mousse in it. “I’ll show you who’s a marshmallow!” 

“Nii-chan, it was perfect!” Kounosuke tried to get out from under Ryuu’s arm but failing. 

“So much for being more muscular than me,” Ryuu laughed, releasing Kou from his hold. “And you use too  much product. That’s why it looks dirty.” 

“It doesn’t look dirty!” Kou fidgeted with it in the hall mirror, but it was beyond repair. “It’s called the wet look!” 

Kotaro rolled his eyes; “It’s called ‘you look like a crusty greaseball and you’re fooling no one.’ Nii-chan looks good for a living; you might want to listen to him.” 

Kou pouted; “Kotaro-nii is being rude…”

Kotaro grinned in triumph, bowing politely to Yumi; “Maeda-san, apologies. It’s nice to meet you.” 

“It’s wonderful to meet you, Kotaro-kun,” Yumi replied with a bow of her own. “Ryuu has told me so much about you. He says you’re in the drama club; are you an actor, or backstage person?” 

“Umm… an actor, for now,” Kotaro flushed, rubbing at the back of his neck, a gesture so similar to his older brothers. “But I like the backstage stuff. I find it fascinating.” 

“Well, I’ve done some stagework myself, so if you want professional help, you can come to me,” she said. 

Kotaro’s eyes lit up with glee; “If you wouldn’t mind me picking your brain, I was wondering--” 

“Oi, here we go,” Kou teased, jabbing Kotaro in the ribs. 

“You boys aren’t fighting in front of a guest are you?” A warm, cheerful voice echoed from within the house. “Ryuu, I can’t leave the kitchen. Come say hi to your old man.” 

Ryuu grinned, taking Yumi’s hand and dragging her down the hall to the kitchen. His dad stood over the stove, watching something in the bottom of a pot. Ryuu took a deep breath through the nose--the smell of his dad’s cooking was so unbearably potent… they were all his grandmother’s recipes. He was positive this kitchen would smell like this until it no longer stood. 

Tsunashi Sanosuke was a tall, broad man with huge shoulders, a narrow waist, and a deep tan from years working out at sea. Despite his sharp features, though, his amber eyes were kind, and his dark auburn hair, drawn into a gray-streaked tail, made him appear more youthful than he was. He smiled at them when they came into the kitchen. 

“Welcome home, Ryuu,” he said. He flicked off the burner, wiping his hands on a towel, and stood before Yumi. “This must be your special lady.” 

They both flushed at the endearment, but Ryuu put his hand at her back, hopefully a comforting touch; “Dad, this is my girlfriend, Maeda Yumi. Yumi, this is my dad. Tsunashi Sanosuke.”

Yumi went into a respectful bow; “Pleased to meet you, Tsunashi-san. Thank you for welcoming me… and thank you for sharing your son.” 

His dad took her hands in his, tugging her gently into an upright position; “The pleasure is mine. Thank you for taking care of my boy out in Tokyo.”

She flushed under his scrutiny; “I’m happy to. Ryuu has been very good to me.” 

“There’s no need to be so formal, Yumi-chan,” he said, ruffling her hair in a very fatherly gesture. Ryuu rolled his eyes--he hoped Yumi could get used to his father’s physical affection. “Call me Sanosuke, or Sano. None of this ‘Tsunashi-san.’” 

Yumi blinked a few times, clearly trying to follow his father’s quick words in his thick accent; Ryuu nearly laughed at that. It had been long enough that he'd nearly forgotten about it. 

“Kotaro! Take Yumi and her things to Ryuu’s room,” his dad returned to working on the stove. “Dinner will be ready in about 20. Yumi-chan, you go ahead and make yourself at home. I'll send one of my useless sons to come get you.”

“I can help,” she offered. “Just tell me what needs doing.”

“Please, you're a guest,” his dad gave a little flourish with his knife, “so let me impress you.”

Ryuu flushed at the wording, and his blush deepened when Yumi raised her eyebrows at him. After a few seconds of meaningful eye contact, he had to look away, embarrassed at having been caught. Yumi, on the other hand, apparently found it hilarious. 

“Like father, like son,” she laughed. “Alright, alright, I’ll get out of your hair. Call me if you need me.”

His dad chuckled under his breath, nudging Ryuu to get the rice started; “So… that’s Yumi, hm?” 

“That’s Yumi,” Ryuu fell into the comfortable routine of helping his dad cook. “What do you think?”

“She’s pretty,” his dad shrugged, “and the fact that she’s here says a lot about her. Mostly good things. More importantly, what do  _ you _ think?” 

Ryuu blew his hair out of his eyes; “I like her. A lot. She’s good to me.” 

“You took her home with you, son. I think that means you more than like her. ”

“I wanted you to meet her,” Ryuu said, “and I wanted to spend time with her, show her the old haunts.”

“Ryuu,” his dad clicked the burner off again, facing him head on. Ryuu chose to find the vegetables he was chopping  _ fascinating _ . “I’m not about putting words in your mouth or telling you how you feel. But you’ve never brought a girl home before, and I think you should start thinking about what that means.”

Ryuu froze in his motions. He tried to force a laugh, but it came out sounding more like a wheeze; “Dad, can I be home for an hour before you start interrogating me?”

But his father wasn’t exactly wrong. He’d put a lot of stock into this trip. The first hour showed signs of promise, but he knew by the end of it, he would be able to make a decision one way or the other about his relationship. He felt awful for not telling Yumi that, like he was tricking her, or testing her. Except, in a way, this was a test. His family meant the world to him, and if someone couldn’t get along with his family, they had no place in his life. 

A large hand slapped between his shoulder blades, and his father drew him into a rough embrace; “Take that frown off your face, Ryuu. There’s no pressure; I just know how seriously you take things.” 

“You just want grandkids,” Ryuu teased. 

“I do,” his dad ruffled his hair playfully, “but only with the right girl. And only when you’re ready. OK, interrogation over. Go spend time with your woman. She’s in your old room.” 

Ryuu’s eyes widened with horror--he loved his old room, but it was basically a time capsule of his 17-year-old self. It had barely changed in the few years he stayed in it before he moved to Tokyo. He scrambled down the hall, but he was too late. She had already found the photo of him and his friends on the day of their high school graduation. 

“Oh, my god, is this you?” She pointed him out in the picture, a full head taller than the rest of them. This was before Yaotome’s army of stylists had gotten their hands on him. “Look how fluffy you are! You’re a baby!” 

“I was 18,” Ryuu said with an indulgent laugh. Gaku had said the same thing when he saw Ryuu’s high school pictures. “If you want the real baby pictures, ask my dad. He has hundreds.”

He realized his mistake when she grinned maniacally; “I’ll have to take you up on that. But in all seriousness, this room is like, almost unbearably cool. I would have killed to have a space like this in high school.” 

He raised his eyebrows at the desk that had remained largely the same since high school; the row of back issues of JUMP with well-worn spines; the line of surfing trophies on the shelf in front of the remnants of a board he’d broken when he wiped out over the reef; the hanging chair in the corner with  _ way _ too many pillows; the too-detailed FIGMA of Sailor Jupiter… he supposed, objectively, it was pretty cool. Too many remnants of his shitty teenaged tastes (he surreptitiously tried to stand in front of the tower of CDs in the corner) but yeah, he could see it. 

Ryuu changed the subject to fight the rising embarrassment; “You sure you ok sharing the bed? I take up… a lot of space.” 

She laughed at his total non-sequitur, but bless her she said nothing; “I’m ok with cuddling. You know that.” 

“I can sleep on the floor.” 

“You will do no such thing,” she jabbed him in the chest with her finger. “I’m not taking your bed; we’ve shared before. If you don’t want to share, I’m fine with a futon, but I wouldn’t mind a snuggle.”

He pulled her to the bed, folding her into his arms and tucking her under his chin. Her legs swung around his hips, her chest pressed against his. She sighed, her lashes tickling against his neck as her eyes fluttered sleepily. They sat in silence, listening to the muffled voices of his family down the hall and the ocean nearby. He’d missed all of it, and he hadn’t realized until that moment that Yumi slotted in his arms like she belonged there was a big part of why. 

“I really missed you, you know,” she murmured suddenly, her voice muffled against his t-shirt. Her arms snaked around his waist, burying her face in his chest. Her back trembled a bit, and she held him a little tighter. “I missed you so much.” 

She nuzzled against him, burying herself deeper and deeper into his embrace. She purred happily when he brushed her hair away from her ears; “I missed you, too. Are you sleepy? You want to catch a nap before dinner?” 

“No,” she said, although she had to be absolutely wiped. “It’s just… really nice like this. I missed this. I missed you.” 

His breath caught in his throat when she squirmed higher onto his lap, and his heart stopped for a full second before it started up again double-time. It pushed something through his veins, headier and more potent than the best liquor, something that echoed in his head.  _ You are loved, you are loved, you are loved _ over and over, like a recurring epiphany that hit him with the force of a concussion. 

His father’s words tickled at the back of his mind and he found himself answering the question. He didn’t have the courage to give it words yet, but he would. When he pulled Yumi back so he could look in those pretty brown eyes of hers and take in that bright, beautiful smile, he knew he would. He leaned up to press a gentle, chaste kiss against her lips. She sighed softly at the contact, her eyes fluttering closed. He ran his thumb feather-soft along her eyelid, feeling her lashes tease against his skin. She sucked in a sharp breath, and when she leaned into him, like a daisy to the sunlight, he couldn’t resist the temptation. 

She was so pliant, so supple, in his hands. He tilted her head, exposing her neck to him. He watched her pulse speed at the base of her throat with morbid fascination. He gulped, summoning his courage, as he brushed his lips oh-so-softly against the pale, unmarked column of taut skin. She jerked in his hands, whining quietly when he applied more pressure… more suction. His lips parted, an instinctual need to  _ taste _ overriding all sense, and he touched the tip of her tongue to her sweat-salty skin. She gasped at the sudden contact, jolting like she’d been shocked. 

He’d never felt so powerful. He was overwhelmed and needy and curious all at the same time, and he needed more. He pulled her closer, worrying over her neck with careful kisses and bites, thrilling at the tiny gasps and mewls and whines that escaped through clenched teeth. Every sound, every gasp, every sharp drag of her nails across his back, shot lightning down his spine, tingled in his fingertips, and pooled as white-hot heat in his groin. He’d never felt anything like it, and it spurred him on to continue his exploration. He slipped his hand under her floaty top, pressing his palm against the bare skin of her back; his fingertips put pressure on a spot at the base of her spine, and she practically melted in his arms. Her lips parted on a sharp gasp, and she clapped her own hand over her mouth. Her cheeks were an alluring shade of pink all over, and the blush only deepened when he scraped his teeth over a spot behind her ear. 

The muffled moan behind her palm was obscene and overtly sexual, and he wanted to hear it  _ again _ . He worried over his new magic spots with his hands and teeth. He held her closer, any space between their bodies too much space. It was too much, too fast, but at the same time, not enough. His hips rutted helplessly, seeking friction against his jeans, while he tried desperately to think of something other than the unbearable heat between her legs. He took his free hand, dragged it down the hyper-sensitive side of her body, and let it rest on her bare thigh. He squeezed, probably too hard, but he didn’t care. 

“Ryuu,” she gasped, leaning into his touches, caught adrift in her own pleasure. Her limbs were heavy and limp, and her eyelids fluttered with the effort of keeping them open. “Ryuu,  _ please _ .” 

He didn’t know what she was begging for, but he didn’t care. He yanked her closer until she sat flush to his hips, and her suddenly free hands started exploring. Her hands snuck under his t-shirt, tickling up his abdomen. He tried to suppress the ticklish giggle, but he wasn’t totally successful. He had to distract her; he slipped his hand around the back of her neck, drawing her into a heated, sloppy kiss. He mimicked movements she’d taught him, licking gently into her mouth, nipping softly along her bottom lip. He felt her nails drag along his back under his shirt, and he keened at the sudden sharp sensation. He grabbed her hips, dragging her over him to feel the liquid, white heat of her core against him--

“Nii-chan,” Kotaro knocked on his door, “Dad says to come get you. Dinner’s ready.” 

Ryuu and Yumi froze, her hands still pressed flat against his back, his hands still gripping her rear so tight, he was sure he was going to leave bruises. He cleared his throat, and even then his voice still cracked like a teenager; “We’ll um… be out in a minute.” 

Sotaro snorted, because he was with Kotaro because Ryuu’s life was a joke; “Real subtle, Nii-chan. We’ll tell Dad you need a minute.” 

Ryuu sputtered; “You will do no such thing! We’ll be down in a minute!” Ryuu buried his face in Yumi’s shoulder; her whole body wracked with near-manic giggles. He shot her the dirtiest look he could muster. “I’m glad you think this is funny.” 

Her expression softened; “No, I’m horrified. But I just… have to laugh. Otherwise I might die.” 

“I can never look my dad in the eye again,” he groaned. 

“Hey! I’m the one looking to make a good impression!” She flicked him gently on the tip of his ear. “But we should go to the dining room before they suspect hanky panky.” 

He snorted, letting her up and taking a few deep breaths to calm the situation in his jeans. Yumi checked herself in the mirror, smoothing her hair where she looked too frazzled, and made an offended noise. 

“Ryuu! You marked me!” She rubbed at a hickey behind her ear. He inspected it and flushed scarlet when he saw the mark. It was bright red and already starting to bruise; he was horrifically embarrassed, but another part of him felt a bit smug, maybe even a little amused. “Don’t you smirk at me, I still have to make eye contact with your father!” 

Ryuu laughed, pressing a soft kiss to the angry skin; “I’m sorry. Please forgive me.” 

“Maybe, but you’re on thin ice, mister,” she teased, returning his gentle kiss with one of her own. “Now let’s eat! I’m starved.” 

Ryuu grinned to himself… he’d made that. For the first time in his life, he got to experience that stupid teenaged thrill of leaving a hickey on his girlfriend’s neck. It was dumb, and juvenile, but a part of him was stupidly proud of it. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beautiful art at the end by the lovely Fawx!

The first few days in Okinawa, Ryuu learned some things.

The first thing was that Yumi was horrifically afraid of spiders, which made him think he should have told her about the native fauna of Okinawa. Their house spiders were… quite large. He learned this when she woke the entire house at about 5:30 in the morning, screaming, when a Huntsman had taken up residence in the shower. After that, he promised to stake out the bathroom for eight-legged intruders before she went in. It was tiring and a little bit funny, but the genuine, tearful shakes she got after her encounter with the Huntsman was all he needed to see to know it wasn’t just a silly little phobia. So being the soft-hearted man he was, he played protector for a few days. (She still took cautious peeks under the sheets before climbing into bed, just in case.)

The second thing he learned was that Yumi burned like sugar over high heat, and she knew it. She wore so much sunscreen (and had so much extra in her bag) he could smell it on her. She also wore the largest, floppiest sunhat he’d ever seen, and the sun still managed to find her. She’d pouted about her inflamed shoulders (and they were _red_ ) but when he’d presented her with a cute, hibiscus-printed parasol, she stopped complaining. He liked when she twirled it delicately between her fingers like an old-fashioned princess.

Another thing was that the girl could _eat_ , when she put her mind to it. One of his favorite places growing up had always been Charlie’s Tacos in Naha. It was kitsch, but it was delicious kitsch, and he could probably eat his weight in taco rice, if he believed hard enough. Turned out, Yumi was an equally big eater. By the end of their visit, they’d eaten way too much, and walked away unpleasantly full and vaguely sick-feeling, but it was worth it. Charlie’s was always worth it.

When she’d clutched her stomach and flopped onto the beach next to him that night, she’d murmured something like, “So much for my feminine mystique,” and laughed. She’d laughed so big and so bright, and the full moon reflected on her face, casting her features into harsh shadow, but her eyes were warm. Then, she’d kissed him. They both tasted like too much hot sauce and beer, but she’d kissed him long and slow, basking in his presence while their feet got wet as the tide rolled in. He so desperately wanted to sit and let the moment engulf them, but when he mentioned they should probably be careful of snakes, she ran back to the house like actual vipers were at her heels, and the spell was broken.

He also learned that Yumi was a big fan of sea turtles. The small tattoo on her upper leg--almost to her hip--was, in fact, a stylized sea turtle. He found that out when he used the skills his aunt had taught him and took her diving on the reef. He’d taken his dad’s boat out--at his father’s insistence, of course--and brought her to one of his favorite spots. They’d seen all manner of interesting creatures that day, and despite Yumi’s anxiety about being near things that could kill her in a moment’s notice, the sea turtle had turned her into a giddy school girl. They’d laid in the sun on the boat deck for a while after that, enjoying the feel of wet skin and sun-warmed boards beneath their bodies and being in each other’s presence… He’d just wanted to share his home with someone, be in his element, push someone else’s boundaries for a change, and yet, it had provided something totally unexpected. He just couldn’t nail down what.

The best thing he learned, though, was how great it was to wake up with someone in his arms. Yumi wasn’t the most graceful of sleepers--she tended to sprawl everywhere with her mass of hair falling where it wanted, and she was often wont to put her cold feet all over him (it was August, so he didn’t know how that was possible)--but there was something breathtakingly intimate about spending a long, slow morning in bed, waiting for the sun to rise. He always missed home when he went back to Tokyo, but one thing he would definitely miss this time would be starting every morning with long, slow, increasingly-intense kisses. Whether he pressed her into the pillows and devoured her mouth, or she straddled his thighs and moved above him in ways that should have been illegal, it stoked a fire in him that only burned longer, hotter, and brighter the more they touched. He grew bolder with each passing day, seeking more skin, more contact, more of those sounds she made, more spots that made her melt, just... _more._ One morning, after a particularly heated session, she pulled away from him with a gasp, her chest heaving. She looked so sinful, so decadent, and she wore a smirk that was pure debauchery. She whispered a soft ‘wow’ before pulling him back in for another kiss.

Ryuu liked to be praised, but the resounding brevity of that compliment spoke for itself, and it hit him like a blow to the chest. He wanted more.

Near the end of the week, Ryuu’s high school friends were having a get-together to reunite, catch up, and celebrate the end of summer. Part of him really wanted her to meet his old friends--they were a big part of his life. On the other hand, he tended to regress pretty hard when they all got together. If he knew Sawamura, he knew he was probably going to bring copious amounts of alcohol, and things could probably get ugly.

Still, he did want to show her off a little bit. He knew for a fact that Sawamura and Nijima had a long-running bet whether or not he would ever land a woman, and it was mean, but he’d like to see the look on Nijima’s face when he lost the bet.

Yumi wasn’t in bed when he got up, but he did hear her down the hall. That was rare--usually he was up long before her. She was sitting at the table with Kotaro, her laptop humming merrily away at her elbow, and talking enthusiastically with him about some arcane live theater audio trickery she pulled at a show in New York. Kotaro was enraptured, taking in every word, while their tea cooled, forgotten, between them. It was a sweet scene, and Ryuu felt a bloom of affection in his chest that his shyest brother warmed to her so quickly.

“Hey, you two,” he said, moving to the kettle to make his own tea. “Having fun?”

“Nii-chan, she’s given me all sorts of ideas for our next show!” Kotaro said, his smile wide and animated. “I can’t wait!”

“I’m happy to help,” Yumi replied. “It’s always nice to see people into the tech end--performances don’t happen without backstage people.”

“It’s true,” Ryuu settled at the table, letting his thigh brush Yumi’s ever so slightly. “We would be lost without the army of people who bring a show together. The performers are maybe about… 20%?”

“If that,” Yumi teased, poking Ryuu in the ribs.

“Ok, it was nice talking to you, Maeda-san, but if you two are gonna be gross, I’m going to get my summer homework done.” Kotaro shook his head and padded down the hall to his bedroom. Ryuu didn’t continue until he heard the sharp snap of Kotaro’s door closing.

He indicated Yumi’s laptop with his chin; “Anything fun, or just working?”

“Oh, just work stuff,” she said, snapping the screen closed. She rubbed at her eyes like she had a headache building, and a worried wrinkle between her brows. He knew all the extra work she’d made for herself by cutting her trip short, and he was grateful. He was also grateful for that sunshine smile she turned on him. “What do we have planned for today?”

“Well, I was wondering if you would be willing to meet some of my old friends today,” he said. He tested the temperature of his tea, wincing when it burned him a bit. “They wanted to get together at the beach, maybe catch some waves, have a little barbecue… meet you.”

“Meet me?” She blinked owlishly at him. “Why on earth would they want to do that? Do they have an ongoing bet, or something?”

“It’s not the only reason they want to meet you,” Ryuu said defensively.

“Oh, my god, I was kidding about the bet!” Yumi was laughing at him, but she pet his hair as a quiet apology. He suppressed a shiver when she ran her knuckle over the peach fuzz on the back of his head. “Ryuu, I’d love to meet your friends. And see you “catching some waves,” because I’ve been curious ever since I saw the trophies.”

Ryuu grinned brightly, pressing a gentle kiss to her cheek. He lingered, savoring the feeling of her cheeks warm with a blush. He sent a text to Sawamura before dragging her to his room to change. She immediately started fishing in her suitcase--apparently, she was running out of swimsuits. Ryuu chose a pair of boardshorts and his oldest, softest t-shirt, making a note to get one of his old boards out of storage. He hated rentals.   

“I’m a little nervous about Habu Jellyfish, though,” she said, finally choosing a swimsuit out of her bag.

“They prefer deeper water,” Ryuu assured. “I checked my phone, and there aren’t any blooms we need to be aware of, and Dad taught me to always have a bottle of vinegar, just in case. So just stay in the buoys, and you’ll be good.”

“Sounds like you’re speaking from experience,” she stepped behind his privacy screen to change. “I have to say, though, seeing you so prepared… is kind of sexy.” She shot a coquettish wink around the side of the screen.

He flushed, ignoring the “sexy” comment for the sake of his own sanity, and started packing her beach bag for her; “It’s just smart… you have to be prepared around here.”

“Makes sense,” she grunted, shimmying into her suit. He could see the alluring outline of her silhouette, stark against the rice paper screen like an old pin-up model. “Make sure you pack my good sunscreen, you golden god, you. Not all of us tan like Apollo.”   

He nearly choked on his own tongue, flushing red at her compliment. He tried to keep himself under control, knowing his shorts left very little to the imagination. He was thankful when she came out from behind the screen, tying off a maxi wrap dress with a slit to her upper thigh. He held out her beach bag for her, silent in an effort to hide the massive frog in his throat, with her extra-strength sunscreen nestled on top.   

“Thanks,” she said brightly, setting the bag at her feet while she worked her hair into a quick braid. “So tell me about your friends? Are they troublemakers like you?”  

He cleared his throat, but his voice still caught and cracked like a teenager; “I’m not a troublemaker! I’m… energetic. The one you have to watch out for is Sawamura--don’t let that fatherly demeanor fool you, he’s pure chaos and mischief and he knows it--but Mizuki, Tanaka, and Nijima are all good guys. I don’t know if Kasamatsu will be there or not, seeing as his wife is pretty pregnant.”

“So am I going to have to rely on _them_ for all the stories of your sordid teenaged years, seeing as no one else will tell me?” She shot a wry look over her shoulder, her eyes liquid gold with mirth. “As much as I appreciate the baby pictures, they’re much too cute to pick on you for.”

Ryuu grinned sheepishly, barely resisting the urge to cover his face with his hands; “I can’t believe Dad showed you my bath pictures.”

“Aww, it was adorable,” she said, wrapping her arms around his waist. She smiled up at him in a way that eased the embarrassment out of his system, and he liked the way she fit against him. “You were a very cute baby. Good news for your future wife.”

Ryuu tried to resist the gooey feeling that churned somewhere behind his ribcage. He ran his hand along the back of her head, his pride swelling at the look of blissed-out contentment on her face when he touched that magic spot behind her ear. She melted into his embrace with a happy sigh, and he held her close, thrilling in the way her body fit against is. It was silly, but he felt stupidly proud at how easy embracing her had become, how natural it felt. He kissed her temple, memorizing the smell of her shampoo, trying not to let himself get carried away… not to let his imagination run away on him.

“Tell you what,” he murmured in her ear. “I’ll tell you all my humiliating high school anecdotes if you tell me yours.”

She guffawed, turning her pink face into his chest; “Come to Kyoto for Christmas with me, and I won’t need to tell you. My grandma will have you covered.”

He tilted her face upwards, kissing the corners of her lips until they turned up into that special grin of hers. It sounded perfect, actually, considering the Gala in Osaka on Christmas Eve… but he didn’t want to put his eggs in that basket. Yet.

~~~

That evening, a storm swept through the island so suddenly, it caught everyone by surprise. They literally pulled up to the house, sunburned and exhausted, just as it was starting to get bad. Ryuu scrambled to help his father put the weatherproofing boards into place while he ushered Yumi inside. Thankfully, it was a familiar process, so it went quickly.

“Thanks, kiddo,” his dad said, wiping his damp hair out of his eyes. “I gotta go check on someone. Your brothers are stranded at their friends’ houses for the night. They called. They’re ok.”

“Dad, come inside. It’s dangerous out there!” Ryuu fretted, shooting a sidelong glance to the ominously dark clouds rolling in.

“Hey, you go be with your woman.” His dad put a strong hand on his shoulder. “Make sure she’s safe. I’ll text you when I get there.”

“Dad, you can’t text!” Ryuu protested.

His dad shrugged, but he hopped into the Jeep and drove off anyway. Ryuu rolled his eyes--his dad was likely going to give him a heart attack one of these days. Once he got inside, the deadened sounds of the rain hitting the house was the only noise. It was too quiet. Yumi had already retrieved her laptop and her headphones, settling at the low table in the living room.

“Working?” Ryuu asked softly, worried about breaking the strange atmosphere.

“Yeah, I hope you don’t mind,” she replied. “I just have a little bit more to do before we go back to Tokyo. I’ve been putting it off.”

“Yeah, I don’t mind,” he said. “I was actually thinking about making something for dinner, considering it’s just the two of us. Hungry?”

“Famished. Do you need any help?” She moved to get up, but he stopped her with a hand on her shoulder.

“That’s alright.” He pressed a kiss to behind her ear, liking the little shiver he felt when his breath puffed over her neck. “Give me twenty minutes.”

He managed to scrounge up enough leftovers for a super quick stir fry. He liked cooking in this kitchen--it was familiar enough to be mindless, so it gave him time to think. There had been a few mishaps with his friends that day--the least of which was probably Tanaka hitting Yumi square between the shoulderblades with a watergun full of ice water--and things hadn’t all gone according to plan. Honestly, if there was going to be a deal breaker for her, he figured it would be his friends. He’d felt a little anxious about her meeting them--they could be a bit much, and he’d acted like a 16-year-old all afternoon. But despite that, she still sat comfortably in his living room, pecking away at her work. She still gave him a beautiful smile and talked enthusiastically about her work and the better parts of the day and what she thought of his friends… it felt real. It felt _right_.

It was in that comfortable silence where they were eating dinner, checking emails, doing work, and confirming schedules that Ryuu started to feel strange. He wasn’t sure it was a _bad_ strange. More like something had slipped beneath his skin, making it feel too small and itchy. He needed action. He needed to do _something_ , but he wasn’t sure what. He glanced over at Yumi, cradling his chin in his hands. Clearly, the weird atmosphere broke her concentration, because she was just staring at her screen without really seeing it.

He made a decision. Ryuu gently closed the lid and snaked an arm around her waist. When she turned to face him him, probably to question his odd behavior, he pressed his forehead against hers. Their noses bumped, and he felt her gentle, contented sigh against his lips. There was a mere hairsbreadth between them, but he didn’t close the distance. It felt strange in the living room--they were too exposed for how vulnerable he felt--so he led her silently down the hall to his bedroom.

They didn’t turn on the light--it felt like a weird spell had been cast over them, and too much chatter or overhead light would shatter it. Even the rustling of the sheets was almost too loud. They nestled together against his pillows, her head pressed against his chest, while he drew lazy circles on the back of her neck with his fingertips. She shivered in his arms, burying her face against him and sneaking her hands under the hem of his t-shirt. She was warm, and her skin was soft, and her hands were two unbearable points of heat radiating from the near-electric contact. Her breathing was so slow and even, for a second, he figured she’d fallen asleep.

“Hey.” Her whisper was sudden, and so loud in the silence he jumped like she’d yelled. “You ok?”

She was staring at him, but her face was sour and concerned. Her brows were furrowed, and her mouth was pressed into a pout. He stroked the underside of her jaw, trying to soften her expression. It didn’t work.

“Of course,” he said.  

“You sure?” she asked. “Because if you aren’t, you can go ahead and tell me.”  

He sighed, letting his hands drop to skim along her hips. She took the opportunity and hid her face again. “I’m fine” he said, encouraging her to squeeze in a little closer. “I’ve just been doing some thinking. Good thinking. Because today was… today was perfect. This whole trip has been perfect. And I was just...you know… thinking?”

She toyed with the hem of her t-shirt, twisting it over and over in her fingers like she was contemplating something. Curled into the nook between his chest and shoulders, she pressed her palm flat against his chest, and she must have felt his heart pound like Obon drums, but she blessedly didn’t say anything; “This trip meant a lot to you.” It wasn’t a question.

“Well, yeah,” he replied, scratching at the back of his head. “I told you that. And I’m super grateful you cut your trip short to come out with me. It means the world to me.”

He was telling the honest and whole truth; despite that day’s mishaps and her _interesting_ encounters with the local fauna, things couldn’t have gone better if he’d planned it that way. His brothers adored her, and his father shared everything that went into his chanpuru, so at that point she was basically family. He couldn’t believe how _amazing_ it felt to just share his home and his family with someone special, and to have that someone be accepted… it was a whole new level.

“I wanted to come with you,” she said, staring at her hands. She finally took one of his, hooking their fingers together. She sighed at the connection, leaning into his embrace. “It was important to you.”

He gave her fingers a reassuring squeeze; “Just so you know, if you hadn’t come home when you did, I wouldn’t have held it against you, right? I understand. Just like you understand when I can’t always see you when I want to. We’re… we’re busy people.”

He trailed off at the end when he realized that the end of the week approached; they would have to leave their perfect little bubble _eventually._ He’d gotten spoiled having her all to himself all week, and now he was going to have to go back to the way things were in the very beginning. With the doubts from that afternoon mostly cleared, he wasn’t sure how he felt about that.

She clicked her tongue and narrowed her eyes; “‘Busy people…’ yeah, sure that’s it.”

Anxiety tightened in his chest at her derisive tone, and for the first time in a while, he didn’t know what to say too her; “Umm… I guess so?” What was he supposed to do? Being an idol was hectic and involved. It put a severe hindrance on his social life, but that was the way it was. There wasn’t anything anyone could do about it.

She sighed deeply, finally meeting his eyes; “Ryuu, there’s something I need to tell you. And… it might freak you out a bit. I’m sorry in advance.”

 _Oh, god_. Every worst-case-scenario ran through his head in the blink of an eye: she was breaking up with him, she couldn’t handle a life with him, she’d seen him outside the context of his other life in Tokyo and met his family and found him lacking, somehow… his anxiety must have shown on his face, because she took his other hand in hers, pressing both his palms against her chest. Her heart beat evenly beneath his hands, and he savored the connection.

“Ryuu, I came back for you,” she said evenly. “Only for you. I know that seems… intense, considering we’ve been seeing each other about four months now, but… but after we talked on Skype, all I wanted to do was hold you. I missed you so, so much, and I couldn’t stand the thought of being away from you anymore. I didn’t want to miss anything; I didn’t want to lose another person because of my pathological need to prove my mother wrong, somehow.”

He waited. It seemed the right move to make. She visibly gathered her thoughts, her fingers shaking where they pressed over his hands. He was patient. He would always be patient.

“My dad died when I was in New York,” she said, her whisper ragged and broken. “I got the call in the middle of the night that he was sick, but I thought… I thought I had time. If I left, I would have lost my shot. They reminded us over and over again that so few students got the opportunities I got, so I stayed. And I lost my chance to spend my father’s final days with him.

“I’ve told you before that I gave up so much to get where I am, Ryuu. I have stepped over relationships and friendships and my family… I let my father die without saying goodbye to him. My life is my job; my mother gave hers up because she said that nothing-- _nothing--_ was worth giving up love and family. No dream was worth it. And for the longest time, I wanted her to be _wrong_ about something for once.

“But then, I saw that I was losing you, too. I was losing something that could be… could be amazing. You are a once-in-a-lifetime chance, Ryuu. I couldn’t let that happen. I won’t let that happen. I’m yours, Ryuu. As long as you’ll have me, I’m yours.”

All the breath had been punched out of his body and replaced with something like was dangerously close to elation. He froze. This was a commitment. He hadn’t realized how much he’d been waiting for the other shoe to drop until that moment, and now she was offering him something real.

 _I am yours_.

The words raced like lightning down his spine, settling as a deeply-satisfying contentment in his core. Even as one of the most desired men in Japan, he’d never felt so wanted in his entire life. He didn’t know what to say to something like that--no one had ever laid themselves quite so bare for him before--but it probably didn’t matter. When he went in for the kiss, gathering her close and listening to her breathing steady under his touch, he knew it didn’t matter. She’d said all that needed to be said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://fawxdraws.tumblr.com/  
> Hit Fawx up for a commission if you can! She is lovely to work with and I adore her style!!!


	13. Chapter 13

They got back to Tokyo, sunkissed and exhausted and still finding sand in places that sand should never be, and immediately had to return to work. Yumi had a big project coming up on top of her work with his drama, and she’d been contacted by the film studies program at a Hokkaido university to lend her expertise. Ryuu, on the other hand, was thrown into work on his drama. Combat rehearsals, long shoots, intense exercise, and dozens of late-night and variety shows left him beat at the end of every day. He barely had enough energy to collapse in his bed at the end of every night and get what sleep he could. He was starting to worry that his dark circles would soon be beyond the ability of any undereye concealer. 

His greatest solace was that Yumi stayed over more nights than she didn’t. She had a whole plethora of excuses, most of them even legitimate, but honestly he didn’t care. It was nice to come home to someone. On the nights when they would see each other briefly while on set, he’d just give her his key to let herself in. He seriously considered getting her her own key… but that was big, wasn’t it? Bigger than her meeting his dad? Bigger than her spending most nights in his bed?

He wasn’t sure. Okinawa had knocked down a lot of barriers between them, but it couldn’t knock them all down. They still had a ways to go, but at least they’d gotten started. It felt real now. Tangible. Giddiness inflated in his chest at the mere thought, and the pure joy he felt would sometimes take him by surprise.

He was falling in love.

The rest of August and most of September flew by in a weird blur and all of a sudden, October was upon them. He, Gaku and Tenn were in the dance studio, practicing choreography for their new music video--a slower tune with a classical vibe. The producer suggested drawing on ballet for inspiration, and he’d seen it as a great opportunity to draw on some of his roots. He hadn’t taken ballet classes in a long time, but he was still able to nail the precise, delicate movements. He could practically hear his instructor in his head, correcting his form, arching his back with her cane, extending his legs and arms, dropping his shoulders… despite his propensity for free-form styles and movement, there was something immensely satisfying about the burn and pull giving way to the grace of it all. 

That was, of course, before he’d been doing physically-intensive combat training every day. 

“Ryuu,” Tenn admonished, catching Ryuu’s eye in the mirror while they practiced steps. “You’re stiff. You’re going to hurt yourself.” 

“Sorry,” Ryuu rubbed the back of his neck, wincing when he raised his shoulder too much. “I might have strained something in combat practice today and I’m a little sore.” 

Gaku paused in his movements; “Are you OK? What happened?” 

“I’m fine.” Ryuu knocked himself gently in the head. He’d really just overextended during some of the flashier moves with the prop spear. It hurt like hell, but it wasn’t intolerable. Sadly, it was affecting his dancing, so even his own choreography was out of his range. “You know. Just getting old.” 

Gaku rolled his eyes; “Oh, yeah, you’re downright ancient. Which reminds me, you want to do something special for your birthday?”

“The Shibuya Parade falls on my birthday this year,” Ryuu said. “I’m OK with our usual, guys. You know that.” 

“Yeah, but this year is extra special.” Gaku’s cheeks flushed pink, giving himself away instantly. “I just want to do something together, you know?”

“Yeah, how are things going with you and Takanashi-san?” Ryuu asked, dropping into a deep stretch. It was probably wrong, but it felt great in the moment. He shifted his hips to slide into a split. 

Gaku scratched self-consciously at his cheek; “It is what it is. It’s fine. Whatever.” 

Ryuu was normally very kind. He prided himself on that. But he was also an older brother. And his older brother instincts were suddenly on high alert; “Oh? That good, hm?”

“Shut up,” Gaku grumbled. “You’re worse than Tenn.” 

“So what’s she like?” Ryuu asked, side-stepping Gaku’s obvious avoidance tactics. “I know I’ve  _ technically _ met her, but only in a professional manner.Tell me about her? What do you two do for fun?” Gaku turned a vivid and vibrant shade of red, but said nothing. Ryuu’s grin widened further. “Oho? You must be in love, then. If you weren’t, you wouldn’t be this evasive.” 

“You’re the worst,” Gaku said. “This is why I’m glad I’m an only child.”

“You love me,” Ryuu retorted, jabbing Gaku in the ribs. “You might as well tell me, considering I won’t give up until you do.”

“I thought you were kind.” 

“I am,” Ryuu said. “Now tell your big brother everything.”

“You’re gross.” 

“And you’re avoiding me!” Ryuu gave Gaku’s ear a gentle flick. “Come on. You said so yourself--I am very kind. I won’t judge.”

“She gets me.” Gaku sank into a deep stretch, resting his sweaty forehead against the floor. Ostensibly, the floor was nice and cool, but Ryuu could see the tell-tale blush across the back of his pale neck. “She’s… she’s so great, Ryuu. I really like her. Like, a lot.”

“So it seems that TRIGGER is officially off the market,” Ryuu sighed, his voice tinged with nostalgia. “Who would have thought, hm?” 

“Well, most of TRIGGER.” Gaku indicated Tenn with a subtle shift of his head.

Ryuu and Gaku sent strange looks out of the corners of their eyes, but Tenn was oddly quiet. He was checking his form in the mirror, not snapping at them about professionalism and their personal life… He was staring at his own reflection with a grimace like he’d tasted something sour, and his movements stuttered in their tracks. Ryuu was suddenly very concerned, but he knew Tenn--if he wanted it private, he wouldn’t give the information up for anything--so, at a loss, he shrugged and fiddled with the hem of his practice shirt; “I mean, if you want to do something, I won’t object.”

“We’ll save your birthday proper for your lady love,” Gaku assured. “But we’ll make a plan. We’ll drag Tenn there if we have to.” 

“You won’t have to drag me anywhere,” Tenn said suddenly, rolling his eyes. “You haven’t had to drag me to participate in things since the first year we were together and you know it. Now that we’ve established that, though, please come out of that split, Ryuu. It is physically painful for me to look at.” 

~~~

He was so thankful the last shoot didn’t run too late, because by the time 9:30 rolled around, all he wanted to do was curl around a pillow and sleep until doomsday. His eyes felt like they were gumming shut from his make-up, his hair was so tight it was giving him a headache, and his shoulder was absolutely killing him. 

His only source of relief was Yumi curled up on his couch, her laptop humming merrily away on his coffee table and hooked up to an external hard drive. She looked up from the book in her lap, smiling in a way that made warmth curl out from his chest all the way to his toes. 

“Welcome home,” she said softly before her brows pinched with concern. “You look beat. You OK?” 

“Just a long shoot, I’ll be fine,” he sighed, collapsing onto the opposite end of the sofa. He winced when the motion jostled his shoulder. 

“You don’t look fine,” she said, looking over the rim of her glasses in a way that sent a nervous shiver through his limbs. “Plus your hair is still up. Come here.” 

She patted her leg, setting her book off to the side. He swallowed hard, feeling his cheeks flame, but he complied nonetheless. He barely resisted the urge to nuzzle at her bare thigh. He sighed with pleasure when she started pulling the pins keeping his hair back, and already his headache started to ease.

“See? Better already,” she said, sinking her hand into his hair. 

His moan was just this side of obscene as she dug her fingers into his scalp, gently working the product out of his hair. She worked in soothing circles, sometimes softly, sometimes with more pressure. Every so often, she’d give his hair a little tug to release some tension, letting the strands pass easily through her fingers. He melted into her touch, the edges of sleep creeping up on him. He wriggled like an infant fighting a nap, trying to soak up as much of her presence as he could. The motion jarred his shoulder again, causing him to wince.

“What was that?” Her hands paused in his hair, and he barely resisted the urge to whine. 

“Just hurt my shoulder a little bit,” he said, his voice muffled against her leg. “I’ll be fine.” 

“What did you do? You alright?” Her concern was touching--she sounded like a fussy wife. It was kind of cute. “Do you need medicine? A hot pack?” 

“Honestly, it’s just strained,” he said with a lazy, sleepy grin. “But thank you, though.” 

She huffed indignantly; “Alright, shirt off. Turn around.” 

He felt a flush work its way up his chest and neck and over his cheeks; “Wait… what?” 

She rubbed her hands together rapidly, warming her palms; “Calm down. I’m just hoping to work it a little bit. Maybe it will help you sleep.” 

It took him too long to realize she was talking about his shoulder. Still, he quietly did as she commanded, hitching his shirt over his aching shoulder. The second her warm palms touched his bare skin, he sighed with relief. It wasn’t just the sweet relief her talented fingers brought, working out the knot that had been bothering him for a few days and easing the aches brought from working unused muscles. It was just her touch, relishing the brush of her fingertips and press of her palms; it was turning to putty under her ministrations, relaxing back into her until his back was against her chest and his head was nestled against her shoulder. She giggled, the sound extra-loud in his ear, as she pressed a kiss to his forehead. His blinks became long and slow as she continued to rub his shoulders, more gently once the sharp pain from rehearsal eased to a dull ache that would likely be gone by the morning. 

“You’re amazing at this,” he groaned, his voice hazy and thick with fatigue. “Keep doing that and you won’t have to do anything for my birthday.” 

“Oh, that reminds me,” she said suddenly, blessedly still working at his shoulders, gently pressing her thumbs along the back of his neck. “Do you want to do something special for your birthday? Do you have plans already, or am I free to spoil you rotten that day?” 

He hid his face in her hair, trying to conceal the big, goofy grin that he couldn’t control; “Gaku said he wants to do something, but my birthday and the Shibuya Parade fall on the same day this year.” 

“Oh right, the Halloween parade,” she mused. “I have that night off, and even if I didn’t, I’d be working from home. You can’t get through Shibuya to save your life during the parade.” 

“Yeah, no kidding,” he said with a laugh. 

“But I can meet you here afterwards,” she said, kissing his temple again. He liked it when she did that. “Or we can get together a different day; it’s up to you.”

“Why don’t we just meet at the show?” Ryuu suggested, leaning into her touch. “I know it’s a ridiculous crowd, but it’s standing room only, and you should see these costumes they have picked out.”

She froze, her hand in his hair curling reflexively; “Um… that’s ok. We can just meet up after.” 

Ryuu felt a little cold, a curl of anxiety blooming in his chest; “Why not come to the show? I’d… I’d love it if you could be there.” 

He fiddled with his fingers while she studied his face. Her eyes narrowed at him; “It’s important to you that I come to your shows. You had that same look on your face when I couldn’t make it to IdolFesta.” 

“I just… is it so bad that I want my girlfriend to spend my birthday with me?” He could feel the downward, bratty turn of his mouth, and he didn’t care. “Yes, I want you at my shows. I like having you there. Is that so wrong?” 

“No, Ryuu, not at all.” She squeezed his fingers back in reassurance, her smile tired and weary, but genuine. “I’ll do what I can. I promise.”

~~~

He loved how driven his girlfriend was. He really did. He loved that she was so talented, and that she had so many projects. He loved that she was in demand, and that she was living out her dreams. But sometimes, it was hard. The long nights, the rigorous schedules, the constant work… it was tough. Despite her revelations over the summer, she seemed to be working harder than ever. When she wasn’t spending 80 or 90 hours a week at the studio, she was taking work home. It wasn’t just the tech side, either--it was mountains of paperwork and emails and correspondence and so, so many Skype calls. She was over more than ever, and yet he felt like he saw less of her every day. She was always distracted, always somewhere else, and it terrified him, because he felt like he was  _ just  _ here. He just went through it, and he didn’t have the strength to do it again.

Before, he might have let her slip away. He might have let her go. But that was before he’d brought her home. That was before he let her into the world that no one touched, not even Gaku and Tenn. It was before she told him she loved him, before she trusted him with everything. 

He wouldn’t let go. He  _ couldn’t _ let go. 

It was in this haze of disquiet and fatigue that the day of the Shibuya Parade came. Hundreds of people milled about Shibuya Crossing on a daily basis, but this was a whole new level. Bodies were crammed elbow-to-elbow, some in costume and some not, radiating outward from the teeny tiny stage at the center. Traffic had to be redirected. Surrounding businesses were so full, employees were out and about directing foot traffic. It had been an early lesson Ryuu had learned in his career--Tokyo took Halloween  _ seriously _ . 

Considering it was only the 12th, he’d hate to see what it all looked like on the day proper.

He didn’t mind outdoor venues. They were trickier--no green room or backstage area, and all prep and costuming was usually done at the studio or a secondary location--and this concert was no exception. They’d been put in obscenely tight, highly-tailored suits so snug it was nearly impossible to sit down. Poor Tenn’s was made of an ethereal fabric that wrinkled if you looked at it cross-eyed, and it prevented him from doing more than standing perfectly still. Gaku had a long chain hooked on his belt, draping almost all the way to the ground, and Ryuu’s mostly-bare chest was cold on the best of days and, given the cold snap, was freezing at the moment. 

On top of the venue, single shows were different than big group events like IdolFesta or Sound Ship. The energy was different. Everyone was there to see TRIGGER, and it showed. But it was a familiar feeling. Ryuu went through the well-practiced pre-show motions before he just had to hurry up and wait while the crew scurried through their own prep. This much, at least, was known.

“Ryuu,” Anesagi came sauntering over from… wherever they’d been hiding. “You have someone looking for you; be quick. We go on in ten.” 

He looked to Gaku for guidance, but all he did was shrug; Tenn rolled his eyes and pointedly looked at his phone without seeing it. The confusion settled, though, when he turned the corner and saw her in full costume. Ryuu recognized her costume from a popular video game and the unease in his chest settled a bit when Yumi lifted her mask. Underneath, she wore a bright smile, and she held her arms out to him in a silent bid for a hug. 

He gladly obliged her, sweeping her into his arms; “Wow, you look great!”

“Thanks!” She twisted a bit when he held her arms out to inspect her. He couldn’t help but appreciate the way the red catsuit clung to her body.

Ryuu fingered the thick blond pigtails framing Yumi’s round face; “Did you change your hair?” 

“It’s a wig. You should see the mess under here; I have never used this many bobby pins in my life!” Yumi shifted the bangs to show her wig cap, but he could visibly see her expression drop a bit. “Why, would it be an issue if I changed my hair?” 

“Not at all. I love your hair, but I’m not your keeper. You can do what you want,” he said with a shrug. It didn’t make it any better; her smile became more glassy and fake with each word out of his stupid mouth, so he changed the subject. “How did you get back here, anyway?”

“I know a guy,” Yumi said, her mood (and expression) shifting suddenly to match the cat on her mask a little too well. “I can’t stay--Anesagi-san was very clear about that--but I just wanted to say good luck… and Happy Birthday, baby.” 

She flushed furiously, gripping Ryuu’s forearms. She rocked onto her tip toes, pressing a gentle kiss to the swell of Ryuu’s cheek. It wasn't an overtly special thing to say to him on his birthday. The press of her lips on his cheek was familiar. Despite the dark, bruise-colored smears under her eyes and the smell of coffee clinging to her like her ever-present perfume, she seemed happy. Her smile was genuine, and her touch affectionate. She wanted to be there. She wanted to see him. 

He didn’t want to say goodbye, but duty called. Her warmth lingered even as he had to pull away from her. Her hands lingered between them, like she was still reaching out to him. He held on to that connection. He held it for dear life; he’d wrap it around his hands until they were bloody and ruined, if he had to. He never wanted to let go. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did anyone else see the new Beyond the Radiant Glory? Because I sure as shit did and now I'm back on my bullshit...


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Actual Sex (TM) happens this chapter. Finally.

He wasn’t sure if he was upset that she’d left the concert early. She’d texted him, let him know where she was. That was… something. At least. He’d hoped that maybe she could stick around. Maybe they could go out for his birthday after the concert. It wasn’t that late. Then again, maybe she just wanted to change out of her costume. 

**_Yumi:_ ** _ Hey, I’m at the apartment. I’ll be there by the time you get out. I had some stuff to get ready! See you then, gorgeous. _

The text set him at ease. A little. But not completely. They were repeating a pattern, and he  _ hated  _ it. Maybe he  _ was _ childish, and maybe he  _ was _ being a little irrational over something silly, but he’d just wanted to celebrate with his girlfriend and his friends. His surly attitude was making Gaku uncomfortable, given the strained silence in the car, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He watched buildings flick by, getting closer and closer to his apartment. 

He still didn’t know what to say. 

Gaku sighed, finally breaking the tension; “I wouldn’t read too much into it. You said she’s been working pretty much non-stop, right?” 

“Why do I feel like I’ve been here before?” Ryuu asked. He could hear the heartbroken little twinge on the end of his voice. It made him sound pathetic. 

“Have some faith,” Gaku said, pulling up to Ryuu’s building. “Try talking to her about it. Tell her how you  _ really _ feel. Really.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Ryuu tried to play it off like a joke, but he couldn’t mask his defensiveness.

“I mean you’re usually timid, but if something matters to you, I’ve seen you get kind of scary,” Gaku said, shooting Ryuu a  _ look _ . “She has said that she loves you. To her, this is real. So maybe you just need to tell her that. Sometimes, girls just need to hear that you love them.” 

It was definitely something to think about. The long elevator ride to his apartment felt even longer than usual. Would she be waiting for him? Or did she go back to her place? Why did she leave? What did she have planned?

The tall red boots she’d worn with her costume were waiting in his genkan, so she was there, at least. Or she had been long enough to change her costume. Her coat was there, too. Sitting on his counter was a neatly-wrapped, square box with a curly bow. Next to it was a plate of chocolate-dipped strawberries. A bottle of red wine was breathing next to two glasses, and beside them was a jar candle that smelled like tea and cinnamon. 

“Welcome home,” she said from behind him. “Happy birthday.” 

Her arms snaked around his waist, leaving him just enough room to spin in her arms. He went to respond, but his mouth dropped open in shock; “You cut your hair!”

Where it had once hung down her back in a long, thick sheet, now it was trimmed around her face in short, choppy waves. It barely came to her shoulders. He felt compelled to take one of the soft curls and pull it until it straightened and bounced back into shape. Her face looked rounder and softer, her cheeks more prominent, and it brought a lot of attention to her eyes. 

_ So cute. _

She shrunk self-consciously; “Yeah… do you hate it?” 

“No!” He pushed his hand through it, letting the strands fall, soft and fine, through his fingers. Warmth bloomed in his chest when her eyes became glassy and warm with something that looked like bliss. “No… I love it. It looks beautiful.”

“Thanks,” she said, fingering one of the strands while still leaning into his palm on her cheek. “I was… a little worried about it. I’m not sure I like it.” 

He tilted his head in concern, sweeping his thumb across her cheekbone in an attempt to soothe; “Well I love it. I really do; it’s an excellent present.” 

“Oh, please, Ryuu,” she said with an inelegant snort, gently thwaping him on the shoulder. “I got you a real present, too. I need to spoil my boyfriend a little bit.” 

He felt his smile go a bit wobbly; “You didn’t have to do that.” 

“But I did!” She moved her hands up his back, hooking them around his neck. The phantom sensations made shivers run down his spine like tiny, quick, cat paws. “I want to give you everything. I’m sorry I haven’t been around much, lately, and I’m sorry I left early. I wanted to be here for you tonight. I love you.”

Her words were so simple, and yet they cut through him. He cradled her jaw in his hands, marvelling at how small she seemed in his grip; “Yumi… can we talk?” 

She let out a huff of nervous laughter; “Not exactly what you want to hear when you confess your love, but sure. I guess.” 

He brushed her hair back from her face, trying not to get distracted by her lips. He ran the pad of his thumb over the petal-pink pout. He steeled himself with a deep, measured breath; “I’ve been thinking a lot. About us. About you. And this past week has shown me something. 

“I don’t want to beat around the bush anymore, because this… what we have… it’s too important to me. I’m weak and cowardly. I’m in the public eye always. Maybe you could have been happier if you found someone who could give you a quiet life. Maybe someday, you’ll decide that this is all too much for you, or… or that I’m not enough for you.”

“Ryuu--”

“I can’t let that happen! I can’t… I don’t want to let you go. You’ve shown me how wonderful being in love can be, and my capacity for happiness, and how magical it can all be. You chose me. You gave yourself to me… and you’re the most precious gift I could ever ask for. You mean the world to me.” 

He swallowed hard, at a loss for how to continue. He wasn’t the best with words, and all these emotions were so new to him. He felt raw… exposed. Her wide, awe-filled eyes were unblinking, staring into him like he’d cut himself open for her. Silence fell, thick and oppressive, while she waited for him to gather himself. 

He took a deep breath, taking her hand in his; “This is all so new to me. I’m weak. I don’t have the strength to let you go; I chose you in all of this. You gave me your heart, and I accepted it, and I… I want to keep it. I love you, Yumi. Please don’t ever think I don’t love you. It’s one of the only things I’ve ever been really sure of in a long time. I want to hold onto you, Yumi, so please… please don’t let me go.” 

He squeezed her fingers, his own shaking  _ hard _ . She could definitely feel it, given how hard she squeezed him back. Surely, when she looked into his eyes, she could see the swirling tumult of emotions in them. He was afraid to lose her. Overjoyed to have her. Burned with desire to keep her. Wishing they could stop repeating this cycle.  And there was something else… something new. Something he’d never felt before her, and it almost overwhelmed him. It overwhelmed  _ everything _ . 

One thing was absolutely certain; he loved her. And he trusted her.

She opened her mouth to say something to him, but he cut her off with a swift kiss.  _ No _ , it said.  _ Don’t say it. Don’t break this spell. Please _ . Their lips pressed together firmly, and there was an edge to his kiss that made fire race down his limbs and burn in his fingertips. He gripped her hips, pulling her close until her sweet, soft body was flush against him. She sucked in a deep breath, her lips parting under his, and he gladly accepted the invitation. Their tongues touching sparked pure  _ want  _ in his veins, where it burned hot and heavy before settling in his core. 

Her arms snaked around his shoulders, deepening the kiss with gusto, and it took all of Ryuu’s strength not to let them just tumble to the floor. He pressed his hands against the small of her back, slipping his hands under the hem of her fitted t-shirt. She whined at the touch, rocking onto her tiptoes in an effort to get closer. 

After what felt like forever, and yet not nearly long enough, he pulled away for air with a gasp. She panted in his arms, and he took in big gulping breaths like he’d just sprinted without warming up first. He’d never felt like this--so out of control and confined, like he didn’t fit in his own skin--but he wanted more. He drew her closer, enjoying the feeling of her shivering against his chest. 

“I’m ready,” he whispered, letting his breath ghost over her ear. He drew on every bit of acting ability he’d honed, every experience pretending to be someone he wasn’t, to hide the nervous waver in his voice. He wasn’t totally successful. “I… I want to make love. Tonight. If you want to.” 

She stiffened, and for a second, he felt sick to his stomach. The few seconds of silence before she responded felt like the longest few seconds of his life, probably second only to when he found out he was being signed to Yaotome, or before his first show. 

But, just when he felt like he might vomit, she turned her face into his neck; “Are… are you sure? I don’t want you to feel like you have to.” 

He held her tighter, hoping he could convey his sincerity and conviction through his actions without her having to look into his eyes. If she did, she’d see how nervous he was. He didn’t want to  _ talk _ anymore. He didn’t want to wait for something more significant than this. He’d laid himself bare. He’d shown all of himself, emotionally. Now he wanted it physically. He  _ needed _ it. 

“I’m sure. I want to. Can we… please?” 

She gasped sharply, arching into him. Delicious friction burned all down his front as she rocked up to kiss him again, her tongue curling wet and wanting along the seam of his lips; “Yes… yes, please, Ryuu. Please.” 

He led her back into the bedroom, only half aware of everything outside the little sphere of heat they created. They pawed at each other, yanking at clothes without taking them off, desperate for skin-on-skin contact but too addled with passion and anticipation to do much about it. Ryuu shed his jacket, leaving it pooled on the floor at his bedroom door. Yumi hooked her fingers into the belt loops on his jeans, pulling him backwards until her legs caught the edge of his bed, and they went down in a tangle of limbs. 

Something about the cool sheets and the  _ thwump _ of their bodies hitting the mattress made him stop, though. He was still shaking with anticipation, and static prickled at the base of his spine that filled him with an indescribable need, but the urgency was tempered. She was spread out beneath him, alluring combinations of pale and dark, soft and hard, innocent and sinful… 

He felt greedy….selfish with want. He could touch and taste. He could smell that potent floral perfume that he would always  _ always _ associate with her. He slid his hands--oh so slowly--up the inside of her thighs, watching them part alluringly for him. The skin was pale, smooth, and creamy. A primal part of him wanted to change that. 

Hooking his hands into the waistband of her shorts, he drew them over her hips and thighs, hissing when he saw the dark boyshorts she wore. The dark fabric combined with smell of her sex was mouthwatering, and so achingly familiar he shook with the force of it. He wanted it. 

“Ryuu,” she whispered, shivering beneath him. Her hands opened and closed ineffectually, and he grabbed them and squeezed tight. “Ryuu,  _ please _ .” 

He might have sworn under his breath. With frenzied, hurried hands, he yanked his t-shirt over his head, painfully aware of the seconds he wasn’t touching her. When he finally managed to emerge, he felt her hands on his stomach, stopping him from covering her with his body. With a gentle push, he scooted back until he stood before her, and she sat between his legs on the edge of the bed. 

“What--” he swallowed hard, “what are you doing?” But he knew. He knew what she was doing, the way she fumbled his belt open, pawing at his jeans desperately, pulling down the zipper with a sense of finality. A dark spot had bloomed over the bulge in his underwear, and she licked her lips in a way that made him twitch with interest. 

“I’ve been wanting to do this for ages, Ryuu,” she purred, snapping his waistband sharply. She looked up at him through dark lashes, her mouth curved into an impish, seductive smile. “May I?” 

He couldn’t form words. He wasn’t even sure he spoke a language anymore. His tongue felt swollen and thick, and his brain was so fuzzy and addled with  _ want _ , he could only nod. She pushed his pants and underwear to the floor, grabbing a generous handful of his ass. He jumped, but when she placed an almost chaste kiss to the red, leaking head of his dick, all thoughts unrelated to her skin on his flew out the window. 

She grabbed him by the base, squeezing firmly and licking eagerly. He hissed through his teeth, trying to sort out the new sensations. His entire world narrowed to a pinprick of light when she applied light suction, which exploded outward into vivid color when she started sucking him into her throat. She went slowly--oh, so slowly--pulling back as soon as she hit the point of discomfort, and sinking down a little further each time she returned. He could see her fighting her gag reflex, pulling him in until her throat flexed again. And again. And again. He sank his hands into her hair, his hands fisting tightly. 

It felt so good. He might have whined something to that effect, but every function in his body was narrowed to her mouth on him. He pulled on her hair on instinct, and she groaned low and long. The vibrations ran up his erection, and he yanked her off in panic. He took several deep breaths, trying to maintain his composure and stave off his orgasm. 

“Stop,” he muttered mindlessly. “You have to stop. I’ll… I’ll come.”

She smirked up at him, the effect all that much more alluring with her lips red and swollen and glistening; “So?” She cocked her head coquettishly, and another powerful wave of arousal surged through him. 

“Mm-mm,” he shook his head, going to his knees before her. He crowded into her space, pressing gentle kisses to her lips. His own musky taste sat subtle on her tongue, but he didn’t care. “I want to do it right this time. I want to make you feel good. I want to… make love. For real.” 

She shivered, something sweetly vulnerable shining behind her eyes before he kissed her. He slid his hands under her shirt, nervous tremors forcing him to slow his movements. Her soft skin, the gentle give of her stomach, and the ridge of her ribs only heightened his anticipation, and the ticklish little jumps of her muscles made affection swell tight in his chest. He peppered her lips with kisses, trying and failing to get his breathing under control, until his fingertips brushed the underside of her breasts. He was in totally uncharted territory, now. He pulled her shirt the rest of the way off, staring down at her, taking her in. She was spread out beneath him, her eyes wide and her posture open and trusting. She was in  _ his bed _ . It was all for him. 

She’d told him before that she was his. It was in that moment, when she gave him a sweet, shy little smile, that he realized he was hers. 

He covered her with his body, pressing as much of her bare skin against his as he could. He wanted more. He  _ needed _ more. He reached behind her, plucking ineffectually at her bra strap. Cliche as it was, the tiny hooks confounded him, and he had no idea how to get the thing off. Her small giggle nearly made him die of mortification, but the gentle lick against his ear burned it away in a heartbeat. 

“Want me to do it?” Her purr was warm and sultry, if a little teasing.

“If you don’t mind,” he replied, not feeling very smooth or seductive in the moment.

She pulled away from him, and with an arch of her back and a practiced twist of her hands, the bra came loose. She tossed it away with a flick of her wrist, leaving her bare before him. He almost asked how she did it, but there were more important things to be tended to. He gently palmed one of her breasts, squeezing timidly. He could feel her nipple harden beneath his palm, and something primal surged through him, begging him to explore. 

Slowly, he answered that need. He tested the weight, the heft, the shape of the perfect mounds in his hands, kneading so gently it was almost a tease. For him and for her. He watched her writhe beneath him, pressing her chest into his hands for more contact. Something tickled at his memory--last time, it had been with clothes on. He wondered what would happen…

He flicked his thumb over the pink peak of her nipple, and she whined so high and desperate, he felt it in his groin. He rolled her nipple between his fingers, watching her reactions to his ministrations against her bare skin. It was so much more potent this way, where he could see the flush of arousal over her chest, and the tumesced little peak between his fingers turn red and needy. He wanted to go further. 

He ran the flat of his tongue over her other breast, and she cried out sharp and pointed. She buried her hands in his hair, holding him closer, unwilling to let him stop. 

“Please,” she gasped, her hips rocking in an instinctual rhythm he longed to match. “Please, Ryuu, please… please, more.” 

He groaned, experimenting with suction and teeth and tongue, with a razor-sharp focus on her reactions. Every moan, every gasp, every squirm was noted, poked, prodded, and logged away. Keeping his mouth on her breast, he moved his hand down her body, over her ribs and belly, until he hit the waistband of her panties. A growl he wasn’t aware that he was capable of escaped his lips, and he fumbled them off her hips. Her legs wiggled and flailed until she kicked her underwear off. He didn’t care where they landed. He didn’t even have the brainspace to anxiously fret over a woman, naked in his bed for the first time. All that mattered was the feel of those wiry curls on the backs of his fingers, the potent smell of her wet sex, and the unbearable heat from her body. Her chest heaved as he started kissing down her body. He savored every ticklish jump of her muscles under his mouth, nosing at the soft skin of her belly, before he finally-- _ finally _ \---settled between her legs. 

He was lost. Staring up her body, meeting her lust-blown eyes with his own, he silently pleaded for help. As if in silent answer, she ran her hand through his hair--a soothing touch. Between the new sights and smells and feelings, it grounded him. It settled him. He let her guide him. She would guide him. He pressed a kiss to her mound, letting her wetness show him the way, before he slipped his tongue between her lower lips. 

She was so pink and glistening, he thought she might taste sweet, but there was a bitter musk and saltiness combined with a flavor that was so distinctly her. She sighed softly as he lapped at her, gently getting a feel for the movements. He tried to suppress the edge of fear that told him he didn’t know what he was doing, he was doing a bad job, she was just humoring him… as if sensing his dark thoughts, she ran her hands through his hair again, pressing her thumb behind his ear in a way that made him shiver. 

Then, he curled his tongue in a broad circle, and she gasped. 

He liked that sound. So he repeated the motion. This time, the gasp was accompanied with a soft little moan. So he did it again. And again. As she undulated beneath him, grasping his hair and rocking her hips into his face, he remembered her motions, the ones she’d shown him a few times. He remembered how she made herself feel good, how she’d used his hands to make herself feel good, and he mimicked those movements with his tongue. She keened so loud, his ears rang with it, and she was wailing so loud and long, she sounded like she was dying. When he pressed two fingers into her, searching for that spot she’d shown him months before, her thighs clamped around his head. He redoubled his efforts, following the rabbit trail of her pants and whines, until her movements became erratic and desperate. 

“Ryuu,” she gasped. His name dripped from her lips, sticky and sickly sweet like honey, and he  _ loved _ it. He loved how wrecked she sounded, how the short syllables of his name sounded like they took  _ everything _ for her to string together. “Ryuu, don’t stop, please… I’m gonna--” 

He sucked her clit between his lips, tapping it rapidly with his tongue, and the way she sobbed her pleasure he wouldn’t have stopped for anything. Not until he felt those four, strong pulses around his fingers… 

She came with a cry, yanking his hair so hard it made him wince. The barrage of sensations ran down his spine, and he was unable to stay still. He undulated against the sheets, letting the delicious, cool friction against his erection sate him, if only for a minute. It was new, and it was exciting, and he wanted  _ more _ .

He pulled away from her, letting her thighs drop from his shoulders and fall open around his hips. She was flushed red and glistened with sweat. Unseeing, dark eyes stared up at him, glassy in the aftermath of her orgasm, and he couldn’t wait anymore. He surged forward, covering her mouth with his. He must have tasted like her, but given the gusto with which she returned his kiss, she didn’t seem to mind. It was sloppy and fevered and tense, and kept distracting him as he fumbled in his nightstand for the box of condoms. 

It took him getting the foil packet open and ready to put the thing on before he realized… he didn’t know how. His hands shook as he spent long seconds--too long--trying to think of what to do. It wasn’t like he could improvise--this part was important--and he was about 15 seconds from calling the whole thing off when he felt her fingers squeeze his. 

“Let me,” she purred, plucking the condom from his numb fingers. She pressed a gentle kiss to the corner of his mouth, and he relaxed into her embrace. 

She rolled it on with practiced ease, and he shivered violently at the touch. He wouldn’t last long. He expected her to fall back into the pillows, but instead she rocked into him, her breath curling over his ear and neck. 

“How do you want me?” 

He shivered, fantasies and imagination coming together in a vivid swirl of possibilities. For a brief second, his limited experience was irrelevant. But her hands on his waist and her body pressed against his abruptly brought him back to the here and now. More than anything, he wanted to  _ see _ her. He needed to hold her. So he gently pushed her back into the pillows, hitching her legs around his waist. She opened for him, and he was  _ so close _ … He could feel the heat emanating from her body, and he twitched with need. 

She brushed his bangs back from his eyes, her soft smile doing little to hide the desire in her eyes; “You can go slow, Ryuu. Take your time.” 

He nodded, his teeth worrying into his lower lip. This was it… He braced his hands on her inner thighs, inadvertently spreading them a little wider, before he slowly-- _ so  _ slowly--pressed inside of her. He hissed at the first contact; she was  _ tight _ and soft and so, so wet. It almost undid him. Then, he pushed a little further, and her quiet moan picked at his seams, threatening to unravel him completely. He had to go slow… he had to, or he wouldn’t last.

It was tough, fighting both his instincts and her muscular walls trying to pull him in. He went painfully slow, trying to focus on  _ literally anything else _ , until his hips were flush with hers. She wrapped her thighs around his waist; it was a barrage of new sensation, and he felt it all the way to the tips of his toes. He had to move. He  _ had  _ to, and yet-- 

“You ok?” He gripped her thighs in an effort to ground himself, to give himself an anchor so he didn’t float away. 

“Yes,” she said, rocking against him. “Please, please Ryuu… I can’t-- _ Ah! _ ”

He interrupted her with a roll of his hips, and the high, breathy whine in the back of his throat dissolved into a groan. He tried to keep himself under control, tried so hard to think of anything else… but she was so hot. So tight. So, so good… Her cries of pleasure ripped straight from her chest, and it all was just too much… it was  _ too much _ . His hands trembled on her thighs, he shook all over, and all sight and sound and sensation narrowed to a tiny pinpoint of pleasure at the base of his spine. 

Then, she took his hands in hers, lacing their fingers together. She tugged gently, urging him to come closer. Her ankles hooked around his back, and she held him  _ so close. _ He rested his forehead against hers, letting the soothing touch set him right, focusing on the gentle circles she drew on the back of his hand with her thumb. In that moment, he’d never felt more connected to another person. Despite the newness and the uncertainty, he knew it was going to be ok. 

It took some trial and error, but eventually they found a rhythm. He rolled his hips firmly but slowly into her, while she matched him with her own hips. He pulled her closer, impossibly closer, wanting to touch as much of her as he could. Their cries approached a crescendo in tandem, and she was peppering his neck with biting kisses that would definitely leave marks, and he just didn’t care anymore. 

“I love you,” he whimpered, nuzzling further into her embrace. “I love you so much… I love you… _ Yumi... _ ” 

“ _ Ryuunosuke,”  _ she sighed, pressing a soothing kiss to the skin behind his ear. 

Suddenly, all the heat and static in his body came to a head, and his rhythm became erratic. He came as if on reflex, as if it was inevitable. His shout would have rattled her ear drums if he didn’t bury his face in her shoulder. His eyes squeezed shut, and he gripped her so tightly he would likely leave a mark. He reminded himself to feel bad about that later. 

All the strength went out of his limbs at once, and he collapsed into a shaking mess on top of her. He tried to take some of his weight on his arms so he didn’t crush her, but he could barely feel his face and prickles were running down his spine when she contracted around his spent dick… he felt ripped open, bleeding and vulnerable, and he didn’t know if he wanted to cry or sleep. Or both. 

“Hey,” she said softly, brushing his hair back from his face. He remained buried in her shoulder, purring like a housecat when she ran her nails over the shaved part of his hair. “Baby… you ok?” 

“I don’t know yet,” he said, his voice muffled against her shoulder. “I’ll let you know when I can feel my face.” 

She laughed, low and husky and  _ oh _ so sexy. Something giddy and bright bloomed in his chest at the sound, dulled and fuzzy around the edges in his post coitus haze. She littered his face with lingering kisses. His world narrowed to the places where they touched, where her fingertips ran ticklishly along his sweat-cool back. He was so relaxed, so content, in her arms listening to her slowing heartbeat, he could feel himself start to drift off. 

He made a distressed sound when she wriggled away from him; “Are you leaving?!” A cold grip of panic at the mere thought seized the breath from his chest. 

She kissed him at the corner of his mouth, effectively halting his anxiety in its tracks. “No, Ryuu, I’m just getting cleaned up. I’ll be right back.” 

She stretched tall, tantalizingly naked and glistening with sweat. She shot a coquettish look over her shoulder, and when she sauntered out of the room, the caveman part of his brain chimed in helpfully;  _ ‘Refractory period? What refractory period?’ _ His muscles screamed in protest when he tried to heave himself up to clean off and dispose of the condom. He was, ostensibly, in good shape, but he felt like he’d just run a marathon. He didn’t even have the energy to drag a pair of boxers on before collapsing into bed. 

Yumi returned with the plate of strawberries in one hand, the gift bag in the other. She nestled the plate between them before climbing into bed and handing him the gift; “Technically, it’s still your birthday for another… oh, 15 minutes?” 

Oh, right. His birthday. He grinned up at her, feeling lazy and content, gently snapping at the strawberry she held just out of reach; “I gotta admit, best birthday ever.” 

She giggled, stealing a bite of his strawberry before letting him have the rest; “I’m glad I could live up to your expectations.” 

He snorted, pulling her to him and enjoying the little indignant squeal she gave. He kissed her cheek, feeling lighter and freer than he’d ever felt; “Quit being so formal and kiss me, would you?” 

She rolled her eyes, but complied; “You know your accent slips when you get like this? It’s cute.” 

He’d remember to be embarrassed about it in the morning. He would worry about the chocolate staining his sheets, his sweat-slick skin sticking to her, and his hair being a mess and his make-up running into his eyes later. At the moment, he was more concerned with being the happiest he had been in a long, long time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ryuu is a good and soft boy and I can't use the word 'cock' in his POV. It's impossible.


	15. Chapter 15

It happened sometime towards the end of November. 

Unexpectedly-heavy snow had cancelled a lot of his engagements, so he and Yumi holed up in his apartment. He was still nursing a badly-sprained ankle from one of his shoots, so he laid with his head in Yumi’s lap and his leg propped on the end of the couch. She’d cooked him dinner, and now they were catching up on Nanase-san and Tenn’s drama. She kept petting his hair, which felt… amazing. He kept dozing off during commercial breaks, and every time she shook him awake when they were over, it occurred to him again and again. 

He’d been thinking about it since his birthday. 

It wasn’t just that he loved her; he’d known that for a while, and he was generous with his declarations. It wasn’t even an epiphany about sex, which was more frequent (and better and more fulfilling) than he could have imagined. Whenever the fancy struck them, they fell into each other’s arms with alarming regularity. He found he rather liked it. 

No, it was more the fact that she’d spent more time at his apartment than her own. After a brief count, he realized she’d spent every night there that week. And he liked it. He liked the gentle intimacy. He liked having her toothbrush and her cleansers on his bathroom counter; he liked coming home to her and waking up to her; he liked the kisses and the cuddles and the smell of her on his pillows. As much as the case of his disappearing t-shirts irked him, he wouldn’t trade it. Not for this. 

He reached up to give one of her curls a little tug, letting it bounce around her face. He grinned when she raised her eyebrows at him; “You’re going to Kyoto for Christmas, right?” 

“Yeah,” she answered, twirling a piece of his hair around her finger over and over. “I’m going to spend New Year’s with my family. Why?” 

“I have a Gala event in Osaka on Christmas Eve,” he replied. “Want to be my date?” 

Her grin was somehow both indulgent and shy at the same time, and it pulled on a dimple on her cheek that he hadn’t noticed before; “What’s the dress code?” 

“Black tie.” 

She tapped her lip thoughtfully, but the little sparkle in her eye told him she’d already made up her mind; “I suppose I can clear my schedule.” 

~~~

It was far too early, given how long his shoot ran the night before. He was sore and tired and he was convinced that he definitely had leftover mascara crumbles in his eyes, but he didn’t mind. He didn’t mind at all, because he’d managed to move Heaven and Earth--or rather, he convinced Anesagi to move Heaven and Earth for him--and he had two full days to spend with Yumi in Kyoto with her family. Afterwards, he’d head down to Osaka for rehearsals and preparation for Christmas events, but Anesagi had really done him a solid. They’d done them all a solid, getting the time off. He was pretty sure even Tenn was happy about the break, because after New Year, they were flat out until after Valentine’s Day. Probably the price they paid for the long weekend before Christmas. 

Still, he didn’t want to think about that. Instead, he wanted to share Yumi’s headphones, pressed together in their soft sweatshirts and face masks, watching a movie on her tablet together. He’d long stopped paying attention, drifting in and out of consciousness. He’d forgotten how  _ tedious _ the train from Tokyo to Kyoto could be. Despite the early hour, it was packed with holiday travellers. 

Yumi was texting off and on, making plans with her sisters; “My grandma’s house isn’t far from the station, so we can walk, or Nanako can try and scam the car and come pick us up. It’s up to you.” 

“I don’t mind walking,” Ryuu replied, letting his attention drift from the movie again. He had no clue what was going on, anyway. “I like Kyoto at Christmas, even if Tokyo is somehow warmer.” 

“Not by much,” Yumi said. “And it’s prettier at night, when everything’s all lit up. But the big tree should be up at the station. Alright, looks like we’re walking… Nanako would like to personally thank us, seeing as traffic is going to be a nightmare right now.”

She was talking too fast--she was nervous. She was nervous about him meeting her family, which he understood. He’d felt largely the same over the summer. He laced their fingers together, pressing a soothing kiss to her knuckles. She gave him a grateful smile, leaning a little further into him. He got a strange look from an older woman when he put his arm around Yumi’s shoulders, but he really didn’t care. 

“So,” Yumi said, heaving a calming sigh. “We’re going to be free for a few days. Anything specific you want to do in Kyoto? I don’t imagine you get there very often.” 

“Honestly, I just want to spend some time with you,” he said, pulling her a little closer. He cursed the armrest locked between them. “We’re going to be so busy after the new year.” 

“Right, location shooting in Hokkaido, yeah?” She traced her fingertips along the backs of his hands, sending electric little shivers down his spine. “How long’s that going to go?” 

“Two weeks,” Ryuu replied with a groan. “Then we have an album tour. It’s going to be a bit nuts.” 

“Well, at least I’m still leading post production on your drama, so I might get to see your face at least once in January!” She put her hand dramatically over her chest in mock ennui. The effect was somewhat dimmed by her coy look out the corner of her eye. “But seriously, if there’s anything you want to do, let me know. I’d love to show you around.”

“Well, I need to see at least one temple,” he replied. “And I’m sure you know the best place to get takoyaki.” 

“You don’t want to have that conversation with me in public,” she said with a strangely-serious look on her face. “It gets a little intense for polite company.” 

“I’m starting to get the feeling you get a little intense about everything.” 

She laughed at that; “Ryuu, doll, I love you, but we’ve been together for seven months now and you’re  _ just _ figuring this out?” 

That gave him pause; “Seven months? Really? Already?” 

“Well, give or take, but we started dating in May and it’s December, so…” she counted quickly on her fingers. “Yeah, that’s seven.” 

It wasn’t a lot, in the grand scheme, but it still felt like a lot. Given how happy he was, and how much he wanted to hold onto her and never let go, it was only the beginning. But it was a  _ good _ beginning. It was a good start.

They pulled into Kyoto station in the early afternoon, and even the massive press of people couldn’t hide the iconic Christmas tree in the center. Ryuu stepped out of the flow of traffic to take a picture of the tree, hoping he would remember to post it to social media when he was given the OK. He wasn’t super familiar with the station, so he was glad for Yumi, who managed to get them to the exit with relative ease. 

He regretted it as soon as he stepped outside. 

“Holy… it’s cold!” He reflexively hugged himself, thankful for the thick, fleece-lined gloves he was wearing. “How is it colder than Tokyo?” 

Yumi, on the other hand, simply rolled her eyes; “You are  _ such _ a hot-house flower!” 

“I am from Okinawa, where if it goes below 10, it’s an  _ event _ ,”  Ryuu said, forcing a smile. It was bad enough Gaku  _ consistently _ teased him for his utter intolerance to cold weather. “I’m not exactly a fan.”

“It’s ok, I love it about you,” she said, patting his hand indulgently. “But it is cold, even for me. I’ll get a taxi.” 

He wanted to protest--if she didn’t live far, it seemed a waste--but the tips of his ears were already turning a little numb. Thankfully, it was a quick process, and before he knew it, they were driving through a quiet neighborhood of traditional houses. Thick layers of snow dotted the roofs and lined the streets. Combined with the festive decorations, it looked like a Christmas card. Ryuu found himself grinning like a school boy--he’d never been one for playing in the snow, but he could enjoy it aesthetically. 

Yumi’s childhood home was tucked away among some of the older houses. Ryuu could see the remnants of a small garden, which was currently covered in snow. He could also hear the distinct, booming barks of huge dogs inside, as well as the squealing of a very young child. He grew more and more nervous the longer she spent paying the driver. 

“Oh, in advance, I’m sorry about Baku and Dangan. They’re… excitable,” Yumi said, rubbing the back of her neck sheepishly. “You sure you don’t want to just hole up in Osaka for a few days? I won’t hold it against you.” 

He squeezed her fingers in his, trying for reassuring smile; “I want to meet your family, Yumi. Plus, I like dogs.” 

“OK, don’t say I didn’t warn you. Also, Ritsu is a big fan, so she’ll probably mob you,” Yumi warned. 

Yumi announced their arrival when they crossed the threshold, but it was lost in the scrape of claws on hardwood. A Labrador and a Dalmatian both came skittering around the corner, lost traction, crashed into a wall in a tangle of limbs, before managing to scramble towards them in a terrifying lope. Yumi braced herself on her knees, accepting the slobbery, furry affection with a big grin. 

“I missed you boys, too,” she cooed, ruffling their floppy ears. She grabbed the Dalmatian by the face and kissed him right on his pink nose. “This big spotted guy is Dangan, and the Lab is Baku. Baku is still a baby, though, so he gets kind of excited. Dangan isn’t  _ much _ better, but he’s a little less overwhelming to new people.” 

Baku sat eagerly at Ryuu’s feet, waiting patiently for pets, his tongue lolling out in a big, friendly doggy grin. He was eternally grateful when Baku didn’t jump on him, but he was still cornered in the genkan until he heard a sharp whistle from within the house.

“Sorry about that,” a woman’s voice called over the din of the dogs’ retreat. “They’ll feel better after they run around in the snow for a bit.” 

“Nee-san!” Yumi exclaimed, tearing down the hall like a little girl. Ryuu barely had time to get his shoes off before she yanked him along behind her. “Ryuu, this is my older sister, Saji Nanako. Nanako, this is my boyfriend, Tsunashi Ryunosuke.”

He could definitely tell Nanako-san and Yumi were related, despite Nanako-san’s taller, slimmer build and pale grey eyes. She also had a baby on her hip, hiding in her long hair. 

“It’s nice to meet you in person, Tsunashi-san,” Nanako-san said with a quick bow. “Welcome to our home. Ritsu-chan is a big fan. She’ll probably be the most happy to meet you. Oh, and this is Aiko-chan.” 

Ryuu gave the baby a shy little wave, and she gave him a big, toothless smile in return. He’d have asked to hold her--he loved babies--but she seemed too attached to her mother at the moment. 

“Where is everyone?” Yumi asked, giving Aiko-chan a swift kiss on one of her chubby cheeks. 

“Grandmother is out with Mina and Aki,” Nanako-san replied. “The boys are at friend’s houses. Ritsu is around here somewhere.” 

As if summoned, a high gasp startled them from the kitchen door; “T-T-TRIGGER’s Tsunashi Ryunosuke!?” 

Ryuu carefully school his features into his standard persona that he employed when he encountered fans. Ritsu-chan was about 10 or so, and she looked so much like a teeny, tiny Yumi that it was a bit scary. Her dark eyes were wide with awe, and her jaw was agape. 

“Ritsu-chan, that’s rude!” Nanako-san said sternly. 

“S-sorry,” Ritsu-chan stuttered with a deep bow. “My name is Saji Ritsu… it’s nice to meet you.” 

Ryuu crouched to her level, as he tended to do with younger fans; “That’s ok. It’s nice to meet you, too.” 

Ritsu straightened, her face beet-red, before she turned her full ire on Yumi; “I can’t believe you’re dating TRIGGER’s Tsunashi Ryunosuke!” 

“I told you I was!” Yumi protested, ruffling Ritsu’s hair. “You didn’t believe me!” 

“Um… er,” Ritsu rocked back and forth on her heels. “Do… do you… do you know members of IDOLiSH7?” 

Ryuu smiled indulgently; “I do. I work with them a lot.” 

“Do you know Mitsuki-kun?” she asked all in one breath. 

He laughed at that, a little shocked; “I do. Why, are you a fan?” 

She brightened a bit, slipping her little backpack off her back; “I am his biggest fan! None of my friends understand, but I love Mitsuki-kun more than anyone! I even waited in line to get his special pin when his solo single came out!” 

Ryuu fought the urge to laugh out loud at her little bag with the clear, heart-shaped window filled to the brim with Mitsuki-kun’s merch. Her expression was so earnest, though. He took out his phone, knowing Mitsuki-kun would appreciate it.

“Would you like me to send him a text? I can tell him I’m meeting his biggest fan!” 

“Would you!?” Ritsu exclaimed on a gasp. “Could you send a picture of my bag, too!? He has to know…” 

“Ritsu, don’t bother him,” Nanako-san said. “It’s nice enough of Tsunashi-san to do this for you.” 

“It’s quite alright,” Ryuu assured, snapping a picture of the bag and a beaming Ritsu. He sent it with the attached caption ‘ _ Met your biggest fan!’ _ “Mitsuki-kun loves getting messages from his fans.” 

Sure enough, literally 30 seconds after he sent the text, Mitsuki responded (mostly with a series of exclamation points and heart emojis). He showed it to Ritsu, who promptly ran from the room in a fit of glee. 

“You should probably take him upstairs,” Nanako-san said, shaking her head. “He’s going to want a bit to recover before he meets everyone.” 

“Probably a good idea,” Yumi replied, hooking her arm around his elbow. “You’re really going to want to have some time before everyone gets here. The men in this family are very over-protective.”

Yumi led him to the narrow stairs. The smell of tatami was strong, and while parts of the house were familiar, others were not. It was smaller than his childhood home--narrower, less open, and a little darker--and it had two levels. It had a persistent smell of charcoal, which was very unfamiliar to him. 

“Is something burning?” he asked. 

“Nah, that smell just never goes away,” Yumi said with a laugh. “This house is old… Meiji-era, I think. I’m pretty sure it was restored and outfitted with modern gadgetry and some point, but I think the bones are still intact. Grandmother is proud of this place--but don’t believe a word she says when it comes to the history. If she’s to be believed, the Shinsengumi themselves conducted a raid on this place, which was also apparently a sordid Geiko house.” 

Ryuu chuckled; “That seems a bit far-fetched, all things considered.” 

“See, that’s what I told her, but she still insists,” Yumi said, shaking her head indulgently. “She’s a character, Grandmother. She practically raised me.” 

“You two are close, then?” Ryuu asked. Yumi had always been selective about her life story. 

“I wouldn’t say close,” Yumi answered in a somber tone. “We understand each other. That’s enough for me.”

Ryuu sensed something sore there, like it had never healed properly. He was in the middle of debating whether or not he wanted to push it when a shelf full of pictures caught his eye. Most of them were of small children--he recognized a recent one of Ritsu-chan, as well as Aiko-chan and Nanako-san--but not many of Yumi. He found the ones of her tucked away at the end--mostly graduation pictures, but there was one of her in a soccer jersey, and one of her in a hospital bed surrounded by girls her age. 

“That’s when I messed up my knee,” she supplied helpfully. “I was a third year. We were at a practice game and a girl crashed into me. Busted it up really bad. Effectively ended my soccer career.” She laughed humorlessly, but there was a strange sparkle in her eye. She hooked her pinky around his. “You know, I’m actually kind of glad? If it hadn’t been for that… well, I never would have met you. Strange, no?” 

Ryuu thought of all the small decisions he’d made in his life that led to this moment, standing in his girlfriend’s childhood home, surrounded by her memories as she had been his in the summer. There was a gentle intimacy to the way she led him through familiar halls. But there was also a strange chill to the way she carried herself. Now that they were away from the immediacy of her family,  something shuttered behind her eyes, like she was somewhere else.

Before he could bring it up, though, she led them to a room at the end of the hall. It was small and simply decorated. Immediately, she went about settling in and pulling a futon out of the closet to air out. Ryuu followed her lead and set his suitcase in the corner. 

“Was this your room?” Ryuu asked, taking a look around. It was so… bland. Simple. It reminded him a bit of a room at an onsen. 

“Er… no. It’s the guest room,” she answered. “My bedroom was repurposed the day before I moved out for good.” 

“What for?” 

Yumi paused, worrying a pajama top between her fingers; “Ritsu’s room. I don’t mind. It’s not like I come back often enough to warrant having my own room anymore.” 

Ryuu thought of his room back home--a perfect time capsule of his high school years, give or take. He wasn’t sure how he’d feel if his dad had taken it over for someone else, but he didn’t know the exact circumstances… But judging by Yumi’s familiarity with the room, she’d clearly stayed in it before. 

He took her hand, squeezing gently. He’d been so caught up in meeting her family, in seeing her overt excitement over being home for the holidays and showing him her old haunts, he hadn’t seen that there may be demons lurking in darkened corners that she either didn’t notice or didn’t want to notice. He knew better than to think he could heal them with just his presence, but he hoped he could help… maybe she would open up to him a bit. Maybe lean on him a bit. He tugged her arm gently, pulling her into a gentle hug. She purred under her breath, nuzzling into his sweatshirt. 

_ Look at me, _ he thought desperately.  _ Let me know that you’re ok, somehow.  _

She was the first to pull away, her hands dropping from his waist all too soon. He felt cold for her absence, despite her smile. It wasn’t as bright as he was used to. Or as warm. It wasn’t even plastic, as it was genuine. It was more like glass--heartbreakingly crystalline and so delicately fragile, he could see the cracks appearing as they spoke. 

“You want me to show you around? My guess is you’ll want a bath before the night is out,” she said, her grin widening. 

He nodded, following her into the house. He gripped her hand tightly, hoping whatever unease that he was feeling was all in his head.


	16. Chapter 16

The early evening ambiance of the Christmas lights on businesses and the famous lanterns of Gion were certainly a sight to behold. Laden with souvenirs for everyone he knew, he only just stopped himself from gaping as Yumi led him down the side roads to her favorite sukiyaki place. After seeing a few temples and her showing him her favorite places to shop, Ryuu wanted food and warm sake. 

It was a pretty fantastic date, all things considered. 

So he was a bit surprised when Yumi threw cold water on the warm atmosphere; “So… I set up dinner with my mom.”

It occurred to him that she’d revealed very little about her mother. The only thing he knew was that she was dating a doctor and Yumi and her didn’t get along. 

“Really? That’s surprising,” he said, slipping her hand into his. 

“Is it so surprising I want to introduce my boyfriend to my mom?” 

“No, but you don’t seem to get along with your mother,” Ryuu pointed out, letting their fingers intertwine. “I don’t mind meeting her, I’m just… you know I worry.” 

“You worry too much,” she said playfully, nudging him in the ribs with her elbow. “You’re going to ruin those good looks of yours.” 

“Yumi…” he rubbed at the back of his neck a little helplessly, feeling his face flame at her teasing.

“If I’m being honest,” she continued, “I don’t get along with Mom, but I’ve been really trying to make an effort lately. My sister sort of reminded me that she’s really all we have left, and I should stop punishing her for finding happiness after Dad died.”

“You know I’d love to meet your mother, if you want,” Ryuu said. “All you have to do is ask.” 

He was still a little concerned about her word choices, but she immediately saw a solar powered calico cat in a shop window and deemed it a perfect gift for Daidouji-san. He had to follow lest his arm get ripped out it’s socket. 

Despite the fact that they were having a good time, though, he had a bad feeling. 

~~~

One thing he always missed in his apartment was the large, traditional baths, so he should have savored the opportunity to soak in one. Problem was that all the other men in the house were in the common areas, working or taking care of the babies, and Yumi’s traditional grandmother had balked at the idea of him and Yumi sharing, so he was alone with his thoughts. 

It was not a good place to be. 

He found his imagination running a bit wild, picking apart every conversation they’d had since they arrived over and over again, looking for nuance and hidden clues that probably didn’t exist. He worried at them like an itch in a hard-to-reach spot, twirling his wet hair around his fingers, when his phone went off. It was a terrible habit to bring it into the bath with him, but he only needed Anesagi to ream him out for missing an important, impromptu call  _ once _ before he never wanted that to happen again. 

He smiled when he recognized the number; “Hey, Dad.”

“Kid, you need to stop doing that. It’s spooky,” his dad laughed. “What’re you up to? What’s so important you couldn’t spend your days off with your old man.” 

“Dad, I literally have a few days. I’m with Yumi literally an hour from where I need to be,” Ryuu replied, a teasing exasperation in his voice. He released tension he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. “How are you, Dad? It’s quiet--where is everyone?”

“You’ll never believe it, Ryuu,” his dad sighed. “But your brothers are on dates.” 

“You’re kidding!” Ryuu said, suppressing the loud laugh of disbelief. He loved his baby brothers more than anything else in the whole world, but he didn’t think for a second they could pluck up the courage to talk to a girl, let alone ask one out. 

_ You did _ , the helpful voice in his head supplied.  _ Look where it got you. _

“My boys are growing up,” his dad said wistfully. “But you’re with Yumi? How’s that going? Still good?” 

Ryuu swallowed hard; “I’m having dinner with her mom tomorrow night.” 

There was a long pause before his dad responded; “Now, kid, call me crazy, but you don’t sound awful thrilled about it.” 

“Yumi doesn’t get along with her mother. But she still wants me to meet her. And her mother’s husband.” 

“That sounds awfully mature of her,” his dad said, clearly trying to be helpful despite clearly being lost at sea. “I’m sorry, Ryuu, I just don’t see the issue.”

Ryuu ran his hand down his face; “She won’t talk to me, Dad. She’s… she’s hurting, and there’s something  _ wrong _ , and she won’t talk to me.”

“Ryuu, you can’t make her talk if she doesn’t want to.” His dad sighed, his voice muffled like he was running his hand down his face. “Has she told you something is up, or is it your intuition?” 

“It’s pretty obvious if you know her,” Ryuu answered. “I just… I don’t know. I want her to rely on me a little bit. She’s so independent.” 

“I thought you liked strong women,” his dad said, but most of the sting was dulled by the teasing note in his voice. 

“Dad, please,” Ryuu said. “I could really use some advice right now.” 

His dad sighed again, clearly thinking hard about what to say next; “Like I said, kid, you can’t make her talk if she doesn’t want to. I guess my advice is to give her space, but don’t give up. Let her know you’re available; let her know you’re gonna be there for her, even when it’s hard. She doesn’t seem the type to open up in a real way right away. But she’s shown that she’s gonna be there for you, so the best thing you can do at this point is return the favor.” 

“Dad…” Ryuu pressed his lips together. As goofy as his dad could be sometimes, it still floored him how intuitive he could be. 

“But hey, what do I know?” In an instant, his dad reverted to his easy, laid-back attitude. “I think you should do what you think is best, kid. You’re clearly crazy about her and I think you’re on the right track. Just do what feels best, ya know?” 

“Thanks, Dad.” 

“I’m gonna let you get back to your woman,” he said. “Have a good time, call me for New Years, and stop taking your phone in the bath! You’re gonna break it!”

Ryuu stiffened like a guilty teenager, but when he hung up, he mulled over his dad’s words. He looked up to his father, respected him more than anyone, and let their bond define most of his adult life. He usually took his dad’s advice to heart, but something told him that this time, it wouldn’t be enough. 

Angry voices coming from down the hall towards the main living area snapped him out of his reverie, and he was ready to respond until he heard a door snap shut upstairs. Normal conversation resumed, but the voice he’d become so attuned to wasn’t there.

When Yumi clung to him like a lifeline that night, he knew his mere presence  _ definitely _ wouldn’t be enough.

~~~

He was returning an email from Anesagi about his schedule and travel arrangements when Yumi got a call. She was in the middle of a conversation with her other sister, Mina. Before the call, it had been a rather pleasant afternoon. The entire family was gathered, watching the children play. Ryuu had found he rather liked Yumi’s grandmother, and her brothers-in-law were pleasant men to be around, if a bit quiet.

“Oh, it’s Mom,” Yumi said when her phone vibrated. “I’ll take it in the kitchen.” 

A palpable tension settled around the room. Mina chose that exact moment to use the bathroom, and Nanako took Aiko-chan to get her diaper changed, leaving the men to sit in the sudden uncomfortable silence. Aki, Mina’s boyfriend, ran his hand through his hair, sighing deeply. 

“This isn’t going to be pretty,” he said. 

“Why? What’s wrong?” Ryuu was suddenly nervous. Those bad feelings he’d been getting all week suddenly hit him all at once until he felt sick with anxiety.

“She’s supposed to be getting together with her mother tonight,” Nanako’s husband said evenly, not looking up from his book. “If she’s calling, it means something is up and Yumi is not going to like it.” 

Sure enough, Yumi came out of the kitchen a few moments later, her eyes glassy with unshed tears, and her cheeks ruddy with emotion. Her voice, however, was shockingly even; “Sorry about that. That was Mom.” 

“Is everything OK?” Ryuu reached up to take her hand, but it was cold and unresponsive. 

“Yeah. Yeah it’s fine. Akagi-san wants to take Mom somewhere for Christmas, though. They’re at the airport now, so… dinner’s cancelled, I guess.” 

“Wait, what?” Ryuu asked, a little taken aback. “Just like that?” 

“She wanted to reschedule for some time in January,” Yumi continued, her lip wobbling dangerously. “But I told her we were going to be busy, and she said something about how her whole life doesn’t need to revolve around me anymore and… I don’t know. I guess it’ll happen when it happens.” 

“Honestly, Yumi,” Nanako said, coming back with Aiko-chan, who was promptly deposited in her father’s arms. “I don’t know why you’re shocked at all. You shouldn’t be mad--this just happens.” 

Ryuu quirked his brow, shooting Nanako a look, but the way Yumi’s hand shook a bit in his concerned him more. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what that kind of rejection felt like, but he could imagine it would feel a lot like getting slapped in the face, judging by the look in Yumi’s eyes. They stood in tense silence, waiting for  _ someone _ to make the first move, before Yumi broke the tension by wiping at her eyes. 

“Excuse me,” she said evenly, heading up the stairs with purposeful strides. 

Nanako rolled her eyes, and Mina came back into the room just as Yumi left, like she’d timed it that way. They went back to what they were doing before, like nothing had happened. Honestly, it wasn’t like an explosive fight had taken place. No one had stormed out, no one had thrown a fit. But there was a palpable energy in the air, old emotions festering under poorly-healed skin, that made nausea sit heavy in Ryuu’s gut. 

He couldn’t take it. He closed his laptop with a snap, not caring if he seemed rude, and made his way to the guest room. The sun was already setting, despite it being late afternoon, so the halls were dark. Yumi was curled by their window, staring at nothing through the small crack she’d opened. The room was freezing. 

He hugged himself in an effort to brace against the cold, but didn’t try to approach. Something told him that would be bad. “Yumi? Are you ok?”

“Not really,” she said evenly, offering nothing else. “I’m… mad. I’m sad.” 

“I can understand that,” he said, at a loss for what else to offer other than empathy. He didn’t even suggest she close the window.

“You know, I shouldn’t be surprised,” she said, curling into a tighter ball. The lights of the city washed over her face, turning her almost ghostly. She looked… fragile. He’d never seen her like that before. “I don’t even know why I’m upset.” 

“You wanted a night with your mom,” he answered quietly, like she would shatter if he spoke too loudly. “You wanted to introduce her to me. That’s not a bad thing. You aren’t wrong to be upset.” 

“But I am.” Her brittle voice threatened to break, but she held it together. Barely. “This happens every time. I try and I try and I try but nothing is good enough for her. It’s never enough for me to just be happy. I keep coming here… I keep  _ doing  _ this to myself. I should just… stop.” 

She was rarely vulnerable with him, and when she was it was carefully calculated. It was just enough intimacy to lull him into a sense of ease, like they knew everything about each other. But they didn’t. She had jagged edges and cracks and wear and tear he’d never seen before, that she was showing glimpses of now. It made her look small and weak and sad, and he  _ hated _ it. She’d spent the past seven months pulling him along, pushing the edges of his comfort zone, showing him something new… Even when she talked about her dad and his death, her past, her fears and doubts, she’d stood on her own. She’d hand-waved them away, brushed them aside, and let them fall away, forgotten. 

“Then…” he licked his suddenly-dry lips, feeling the dangerous edge of tears prickle at the corners of his eyes. “Then why don’t you?” 

She laughed without humor; “Because I’m stupid. Because I love her and she’s the only parent I have left. Because… they’re my family.”

He didn’t know what to say. He loved her so much, but he couldn’t even begin to relate to her struggle. They stood on opposite ends of the spectrum, and she carried that burden all alone. Nothing he could say would make it better, would make the hurt stop. 

So he did the only thing he could do. He wrapped his arms around her, tucking her under his chin. She leaned into his touch, but it felt hollow. He hated this feeling. He hated not knowing what to do. He wished he could do better. He wished he could do something-- _ anything _ \--to make her stop feeling so alone. 

It was a shockingly easy decision--he’d do anything to never have to see that empty, haunted look in her eyes, and he was willing to be unbearably stupid to achieve it. 


	17. Chapter 17

The worst part about having several days off right around the holidays was the make-up time; the days leading up to the Gala were packed from when he rolled out of bed in the morning until he collapsed into his pillows at night. As usual. Except that, this year, Anesagi had them on such a tight schedule that even a slight variation collapsed the whole tower and they had to scramble to catch up. On the outside, him, Gaku, and Tenn all looked like normal, but it was clear every single one of them was exhausted. Tenn so rarely slept during their break times, but he spent more time curled around the decorative throw pillows in the greenroom than anything else; Gaku chugged coffee like it was going out of style; Ryuu felt like someone had filled his head with cotton. 

Still, regardless of his exhaustion, he had a plan. He was going to give Yumi the absolute best Christmas Eve date he could. As far as he was concerned, she deserved it. Gaku thought he was insane, but of course immediately volunteered to help. Ryuu was grateful he had such a good (and extra) friend--when Gaku put his mind to it, he could make the impossible possible. 

The night of the Gala was a swirl of color and sparkle and lights. Gaku, Ryuu and Tenn were dressed and styled to the nines, like everyone around them. Ryuu liked seeing lots of performers coming together for charity events--even if he was a bit intimidated by the absolutely monstrous names on the roster. TRIGGER had a coveted end-slot, just a few slots before Re:VALE and a massively popular traditional singer out of Kyoto. 

While the broadcast concert was a prestigious event, what everyone usually most looked forward to was the after party. As much as Ryuu liked the free champagne, he was most looking forward to seeing Yumi. She was waiting for him at the hotel. The first contact they’d had since he left Kyoto. He took a deep breath, trying to expel the weird, nervous energy that built up in his chest. 

“Hey,” Gaku said, squeezing his shoulder gently. “You OK?” 

“Yeah,” Ryuu answered, clenching his fists over and over to release tension. “Yeah, I’m OK.” 

“What’re you nervous about?” Gaku asked. “It’s just a date, right?”

Gaku wasn’t exactly wrong--it was just a date--but at the same time, it wasn’t. He wouldn’t see her before Valentine’s Day after that night, and he hadn’t done well with long stretches away in the past. He wanted that night to be special… he wanted it to be perfect. 

The car pulled up to the hotel, and he saw her right away. She glowed like she was under a spotlight, but maybe that was just the fact he hadn’t seen her in a few days. She was in a dramatic, two-toned gown in floaty layers of stark black and white, with contrasting embroidery wrapping all the way from the bodice to where the skirt began. It hugged her curves perfectly from the off-the-shoulder, sweetheart neckline all the way down to her generous hips, where it flared out, making her look like a princess. With her sweet, face-framing curls, she looked so pretty and glamorous. 

“Yumi,” he greeted her with a hand against her waist, “sorry I’m a little late.” 

Her smile was so radiant and bright, and there was a petal pink gloss along her full lower lip that made him want to kiss it off; “You’re right on time. How’d the concert go?” 

“I didn’t realize a tuxedo would be so difficult to perform in,” he answered, rubbing at the back of his neck. “It’s… tight.” 

“Well, it looks great, so I say worth it!” She reached up to straighten his tie, smoothing her hands over the lapels of his jacket. “I’m sorry I couldn’t get into the show. I hear it was phenomenal.” 

“It was pretty spectacular,” he said, “and a lot of fun. I got to meet Goto Masafumi and he said he was a fan of mine, so all my 13-year-old dreams have come true.” 

“I know the feeling.” She giggled and slipped her arm into his. “Shall we?” 

One thing Ryuu had learned about big, fancy parties with big, fancy names was that they were neither stuffy nor elegant. They would sometimes start out that way, but once dinner was over and drinks started flowing, everyone from artists to entrepreneurs got a little wild. The Gala was no exception. Once the speeches were made and main courses were served, the party really got underway. Ryuu had never felt comfortable at these sort of gatherings, but Yumi seemed right at home. One moment, Ryuu was talking with an Enka singer from the performance, the next he found Yumi speaking with an older man--a foreigner--in a tuxedo that was probably worth more than Gaku’s car. He was red-faced and starting to get...handsy. 

Ryuu slipped into the conversation, putting a possessive arm around Yumi’s waist. She grinned brightly, but there was a touch of relief in her eyes; “Wonderful timing. Tsunashi Ryunosuke, this is Neil Coffin, owner of  _ Coffin & Cho  _ Publishing Group. Coffin-san this is Tsunashi Ryunosuke, one of the performers in TRIGGER.” 

“Wonderful to meet you, Tsunashi-san,” Coffin-san said, sticking his hand out to shake. His Japanese would have been impeccable if he wasn’t slurring his words slightly. “I’ve heard of your group. My daughter is a fan.” 

Ryuu stiffened--he’d read  _ M-Tokyo  _ religiously when he was growing up, a magazine owned by  _ Coffin & Cho. _ He returned Coffin-san’s handshake, albeit awkwardly; “It’s nice to meet you, as well. It’s nice to hear about a fan.” 

“I’m assuming you’re Maeda-san’s date, and an old man like me sadly can’t compete,” Coffin-san said with a flippant wave of his hand. He took Yumi’s hands, sweeping in for a too-familiar kiss on her cheek. “Take care, Yumi--” Ryuu bristled at the use of her first name-- “and next time you’re in New York, please come see me at the track? I’d love to take you out in the new model.” 

“I look forward to it, Coffin-san,” Yumi replied evenly, extricating her hands as fast as she could without seeming overt and rude. “Excuse me.” 

Ryuu led her towards the dance floor, where it would be safe; “He seemed… friendly.” 

“He’s had a few. Normally, he’s not quite that handsy,” she said, leaning in a little closer as he led her in a simple dance. “Thanks for saving me.” 

“He was from New York? What was he saying about ‘the track?’” Old insecurities poked at his heart, making his breath stutter in his chest. 

“Neil Coffin has the world’s largest grown-up toy car collection,” Yumi said with an indulgent laugh. “He’s been trying to get me up to his private track to see said collection since New York, but not to worry. I have no desire to die in the world’s most expensive car crash.” 

Ryuu laughed, spinning her out from him and back into the circle of his arms; “Have I mentioned that you look really pretty tonight?” 

“No,” Yumi replied with a coy wink. “But I won’t hold it against you. Hana helped me pick out the dress. Why, you like it?”

“Why do you always insist on teasing me?” he asked helplessly. 

“Because you’re cute,” she answered, rocking up on her toes to kiss his cheek. “And I love you.” 

He flushed, hiding his face in the crook of her shoulder; she brushed his hair back, pressing a small kiss to the curve of his ear. He sighed into the embrace, breathing in her subtle perfume. It was different from the one she usually wore. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that. 

“So obviously the girl Gaku is with isn’t his girlfriend--I’ve heard spurious rumor about a certain someone in his life. Is Tenn seeing his date?” 

“Gaku’s date is on the board of the charity running the event, and Tenn’s is a starlet, I think,” Ryuu answered. “They aren’t normally the showmance types, but if I was the only one with a date, that would put… a lot of pressure on you and our relationship.”

Yumi quirked her head in askance, her feet stopping their dance short; “Showmance?” 

“Well, Anesagi brought up a good point that if I was the only one bringing a date, it would put a lot of emphasis on us. It could… look bad.” He rubbed the back of his neck, trying to find the right words. “But if Gaku and Tenn brought stage dates, then they could sort of spin it… to take the attention off our relationship… I’m sorry, this is coming out all wrong.” 

“Ah…” her hands twitched, like she might pull away, and he squeezed a little tighter, trying to maintain connection. 

“Hey,” he said gently, pushing and errant curl away from her face and trying to get her to look him in the eye. “I’m doing this to protect you. You know that, right?” 

“I do.” She stared at their entwined hands, her fingers limp in his. He wasn’t expecting a  _ good _ reaction, per se, but he’d at least expected something… different. 

“Yumi?” Their fingers hooked together, and he stroked his thumb along the back of her shaking hand. “Are you OK?” 

“Yeah,” she said, shaking her head. “I just… need something to drink. Something that’s not champagne.” 

With an arm around her waist, he led her to the bar. When they were alone, talking with business professionals or just mingling, she seemed better… more comfortable. But there was something up. It was like she’d been building a wall between them in secret, and with his reveal, he’d slammed the last brick into place. Now, it was impassable. 

He just hoped it wasn’t permanent… that he could knock it down somehow, be it with his actions or his words. 

~~~

With too much champagne in their system and their feet hurting from their fancy shoes, Ryuu managed to hustle Yumi into a waiting car around midnight. He knew the party would go for another couple of hours, but everyone inside was so far gone, he wouldn’t be missed. Besides, he had Gaku there to cover for him, worst case scenario. 

Yumi slumped in the back seat with him, curled into his side. They were both pleasantly drunk and open, and she kept tracing the tendons on the back of his hand with her fingertips, making pleasant shudders trickle down his spine. She was warm where they touched, she smelled good, and he was pleasantly tipsy. Combined with the excitement and anticipation for what he had planned, he felt a little giddy. 

“Where are we going?” Yumi asked, peeking out the window. It was still early enough that Christmas displays were still lit up, but late enough that the crowds were thin, only a few stragglers remaining. “Taking me back to your hotel to have your wicked way with me?” 

Ryuu resisted the urge to snort, but he did wind one of her curls around his finger over and over, savoring the silky texture under his thumb; “It’s a surprise.” 

“How do you know I like surprises?” She purred under her breath, leaning into his touch. 

“Because I know you,” he answered, releasing the errant curl and combing his finger through her unraveling updo. “I won’t keep you in suspense for long, though. No worries.” 

Sure enough, no sooner had he said it, they pulled up to the brightly-lit drive of the Osaka Aquarium. It was all lit up for Christmas in a beautiful marine-life theme that cast blue, purple, and gold highlights across the contours of Yumi’s face. Her eyes widened with awe and sparkled with a hint of glee. 

“Ryuu… what is this?” Her gaze slipped to his out of the corner of her eye, and he couldn’t help the giddy little pull at the corners of his mouth. 

“It’s our Christmas date,” he replied, thanking the alcohol in his system for his uncharacteristic boldness. “I figured we’d draw too much attention during the day, so I pulled some strings. Well, Gaku convinced Tenn to convince Anesagi-san to pull some strings, but that’s only because Tenn respects Gaku more than he’ll admit and Anesagi-san is a little low-key scared of--” 

His rambling was cut off with a champagne-flavored kiss, bubbles of delight popping in his skull. On instinct, he pressed his hand against her back, drawing her closer. Her kiss breathed fire into him, filling his lungs with heat, shooting pleasure to his core. She sank her fingers into his heavily-styled hair, gripping tight enough to sting, and it took everything he had not to moan into her mouth. Their driver was blessedly silent. 

“This is beautiful,” she said when she finally pulled away, her glossy lips smeared at the corners. His tongue snuck out to taste it on his own lips, and she watched the movement with wide, dark eyes. “This is… the most wonderful thing anyone has ever done for me. Thank you.” 

He grinned at her, brushing the pad of his thumb along her cheek; “It’s my pleasure.” 

He’d never seen a girl her age so giddy to be in an aquarium, and yet she ran from exhibit to exhibit with the enthusiasm of a child. She nearly toppled out of her sky-high heels, but she didn’t seem to care. Most of the animals were asleep, but enough came out to investigate to satisfy her. She  _ squealed _ when a pair of otters ripped back and forth across their tank for her, and he was convinced he had never been more smitten with a person before that moment. It felt fresh and new all over again, seeing this side of her, but without the anxiety and the angst, he was just able to enjoy the feeling. 

Her energy cooled when they reached the massive Pacific Ocean tank that served as the aquarium’s center piece. There was something absolutely breathtaking about watching the whale shark make its way through the water. Ryuu had to just stop and watch the magnificent creature for a second before his gaze shifted to Yumi. Her face was so open and wide with awe; tears sparkled at the corners of her eyes, but she was smiling. It was such a soft, tentative little thing, but it was genuine. 

It was beautiful. 

“Yumi,” he said softly, brushing at her cheek with his knuckle. It came away damp with a tear. “Are you ok?” 

She turned to face him, her smile widening; “I’m more than OK, Ryuu. Thank you for this. So much. I… I didn’t know how much I needed it. Thank you.” 

He trailed his fingertips down her arm, watching her shiver with his touch, until he could take her hand. This time,  _ she _ squeezed first, and he didn’t realize how much that meant to him until right then; “Yumi, I know you’ve been going through a lot. I know that you don’t lean on people… and I really admire that about you. I love how strong you are. It’s probably one of the first things I loved about you. But… I just… I wanted you to know that you can be weak around me. I may not be strong, but I can be strong for you. You can… you can lean on me. It won’t make me love you any less.” 

For a second, she just stared. She was raw, open, and vulnerable, and all he wanted to do was gather her close. But he was caught in the spell in her eyes. Her bottom lipped wobbled dangerously, and he pulled her to his chest before she let out a jagged, honest little sob. Her arms snaked around his waist, holding him tight, while he rubbed soothing circles into her back. They held each other like they never wanted to let the other go, and he didn’t care that her make up was probably smearing into his expensive shirt. He was distantly aware that this was the first time she’d cried--really cried--in front of him, and he wanted to be her rock for a change, instead of the other way around. 

“I love you, Ryuu,” she said wetly, sniffling between words. “I love you so much. I’m sorry… just… thank you. For everything. For all this. I…” 

He stopped her stuttering tirade with a gentle hand under her jaw. He tilted her face up to his, pressing oh-so-soft kisses against her lips. They had no heat and no intention except to comfort and soothe. Her eyes still fluttered closed with their intensity and affection, and her hands shook where they gripped his waist. 

When he finally pulled away, it took a second before her eyes opened again. She sighed leaning into his touch; “Promise me you’ll be back in time for Valentine’s Day?” 

“I promise,” he said, even if it was dangerous to make a promise he couldn’t necessarily keep. “If I have to, I’ll move Heaven and Earth.” 

She chuckled under her breath, letting a few more mascara-tinted tears slip out; “You do that. Merry Christmas, Ryuu.” 


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Potential Trigger Warnings at the end, please take care of yourself and make sure to check them

Three weeks into the album tour, the other shoe dropped.

After two grueling weeks in Hokkaido doing location shooting for the finale of their drama, Gaku and Ryuu met up with Tenn in Sapporo to start relentless promotion for their upcoming album and a special Valentine’s Day event in Tokyo. Ryuu couldn’t wait to get back. Not only was he looking forward to the entire two days he had off upon their return, he couldn’t wait to see Yumi. They talked just about constantly, between texts, emails, and phone calls, but he missed her being next to him. He’d been spoiled over the past few months. 

One of the last stops on the tour put them in Sendai three days before they were due home. Ryuu was fighting sleep in his hotel room, still covered in pink glitter from the game they’d played on the variety show filming. Something the host asked him during the show rubbed at him the wrong way. He was probably over-thinking it, but it irked him, poking him at the back of his mind. 

_ So TRIGGER has spent a lot of time on the road these past few weeks, but I’m sure you’re ready to return to your special ladies at home?  _

At the time, Ryuu hadn’t thought much of it. He was used to professionals prying into his love life. It sort of came with the territory--he was supposed to be this lady-killing heartbreaker, after all. But tonight it was… different. 

He was yanked out of his reverie by his phone buzzing at him. He moved to answer it, hoping Yumi could maybe get his brain to shut up long enough for him to sleep. Except… it wasn’t Yumi’s number. He didn’t recognize the number at all. 

When he answered, he couldn’t have anticipated who was on the other line; “Tsunashi-san?” 

“Daidouji-san!” Ryuu was abruptly wide awake. Why would Daidouji-san be calling him at all? Unless… “Is everything ok? Is it Yumi?” 

“I… I don’t know,” Daidouji-san said, her voice thick with anxiety. “That’s why I had your manager give me your number. I was hoping you’d talked to her recently, because I haven’t heard from her.” 

Ryuu breathed a sigh of relief; “Yeah, I just talked to her last night. You want me to tell her to call you?” 

“No, it’s fine,” Daidouji-san responded, a note of relief in her voice. “I just heard some stuff and saw some stuff and she hasn’t texted me in, like, a week, and she’s never worked this much before…” 

Ryuu zeroed in on her evasiveness; “What do you mean ‘heard some stuff?’ Daidouji-san, what’s going on?” 

There was a long pause. So long, Ryuu had to double check the call hadn’t been disconnected. Finally, she sighed; “She hasn’t told you?” 

“Told me  _ what? _ ” His anxiety spiked. 

“Tsunashi-san, I think you should run her name through a search engine,” Daidouji-san said evenly. “I don’t know all the details, but I know she’s been having a hard time with some TRIGGER fans.”

Ryuu felt a strange buzzing in his ears; as soon as he hung up with Daidouji-san, he took her advice, running Yumi’s name through his favorite search engine. The very first result was an unofficial forum for TRIGGER fans that he’d never visited before, but what he found horrified him. 

It was everything--all her personal information. Her work address, her home address, her phone numbers, her emails, her social media information, and pictures. So many pictures--some from her Instagram, some blurry and taken from a distance. More than one featured him. The oldest was one of their embrace from IdolFesta. The posts and captions were a call to arms--disgusting comments about her body, her looks, her perceived personality, how she wasn't good enough for him, how they would drive her away from him at all costs. 

He felt sick. He saw a comment from a random anonymous user about how they cut Yumi’s hair at the convenience store. Another user kept a running update about her schedule and whereabouts at any given time. One kept a current list of her ever-changing contact information. 

It was vile. And it was his fault. 

He looked at the dates and corresponding events, and he didn’t realize how blind he’d been. Everything, from her sudden weird anxieties about going out to her wardrobe and schedule changes to spending every single night in his (very secure, monitored) apartment made sense. Her reluctance to let him see her computer screen or her phone  _ made sense. _ She was being stalked and harassed and she was looking for a safe space. She was being stalked and harassed because of  _ him _ . He didn’t care how late it was, or what she was doing. He had to talk to her. He had to hear her voice. 

Her phone rang and rang, which set him on edge. All evidence of fatigue was totally gone. When she finally did answer it took all his energy not to shout apologies at the top of his voice. The evenness of her voice broke his heart.

“Ryuu? What’s up? I was just about to call you!” She sounded so normal. Even though he was looking for signs of distress, he couldn’t find any. 

“Yumi,” he said gently. “Yumi, I’m sorry.”

She sighed wearily; “Who told you?” 

“Daidouji-san,” he said. “Yumi, why didn’t you tell me?” 

“You were so stressed out, Ryuu… and so busy,” she answered. “I figured they’d get bored and go away, or at the very least stop when you left the prefecture. I didn’t want to worry you over something you can’t control.” 

Ryuu huffed, rubbing at his eyes as a blistering headache started to build. He didn’t have the energy to unpack that statement at the moment, so instead he focused on what he  _ could _ do all the way from Sendai; “Where are you right now?”

“My apartment,” she answered. “I’ve been… a little nervous to leave. I’ve been working from home for the past few days.” 

“I have a spare key in my drop box,” Ryuu said firmly. “The code is Souta’s birthday. Pack a bag, get someone to take you over. I can probably get in touch with someone I trust, if one of your friends can’t make it over. I’m close to Sogo-san and Tamaki-kun, so if they aren’t busy… just don’t go out alone. I’ll be home in three days.” 

“Ryuu, that’s--”

“Don’t ‘Ryuu, that’s--’ me!” He didn’t mean to be so short with her, but he had neither the time nor the patience for her stubborn streak. “My building is monitored and code-locked. I won’t be able to sleep at night if I don’t know you’re safe. Please.” 

He could tell she wanted to argue. He could tell because he knew her, and he knew how stubborn and independent she could be, and he loved her so so much for it. But he wouldn’t back down. It seemed she’d accepted that fact. 

“Ok,” she said. “I’ll stay at your place.” 

“Do you have someone who can take you over?” Ryuu asked firmly. 

“I’ll call Hana,” she replied on a sigh. “And I’ll need to get groceries. I know for a fact you have nothing.”

Her laugh was heart-wrenchingly hollow, and all he wanted was to be on the first train home, but he was pretty sure if he took three days just to go be with his girlfriend, Anesagi would skin him alive. He fought the panic and the sadness and the anger--they weren’t helpful at the moment--and tried to think of the next step. 

“Just don’t go out alone,” he said, his voice weary. “And text me a lot. Please. Let me know you’re ok.” 

“I’ll text you when I get to your apartment,” she replied. “I love you. I’m sorry about all this.” 

“I love you, too. And don’t be sorry. This is not even remotely your fault.”

He hung up reluctantly, desperately looking for his next move. He didn’t know how to fix this. He didn’t know how to make it stop. He just hoped he could figure it out without sacrificing his happiness and everything he’d worked for.

There had to be a way to have both. 

~~~

Ryuu showed the website to Tenn and Gaku during their mid-morning break the next day. Tenn went shockingly pale, but silent. Gaku, on the other hand, looked so mad he could spit. He physically threw his phone into the couch cushions, his hands opening and closing into ineffectual fists. 

“I can’t believe this,” he growled. “I can’t believe stuff like this actually... _ happens. _ You’re sure she’s ok?” 

“She texted me this morning a few times,” Ryuu answered, his voice sounding hollow even to himself. “I just… wish I could fix it. I want to be there for her. But I don’t know how. This has never happened before.”

“We can’t control other people or their actions,” Tenn said evenly. His hands were curled into tight fists, white with tension. 

“How long has it been going on?” Gaku asked, shooting Tenn a  _ look _ . 

“If the website is to be believed, since IdolFesta,” Ryuu said. “Or at least, that was the start of it. I don’t know the rate of escalation. Yumi will have to tell me that.” 

“So what can we do?” Gaku started pacing like a caged lion. “There has to be something we can do.” 

“Anesagi-san and the President will probably tell me to end the relationship,” Ryuu said, feeling like a fist of ice closed around his heart at the very notion. “God, how could I have been so stupid?” 

“You weren’t stupid, and this wasn’t your fault!” Gaku exclaimed. “You’re not a  _ machine _ , Ryuu! You did nothing wrong!”

“Do you want to end the relationship?” Tenn asked suddenly, his eyes shockingly intense and sympathetic. “Because even if it’s the best thing for your image, it’s not going to guarantee Maeda-san’s safety.” 

Ryuu swallowed hard, but he didn’t hesitate; “No. I love her. I want to stay with her, as long as she’ll have me.” 

They were at a loss. There were a few obvious solutions, but sadly, they didn’t really have the power to execute them. Ryuu felt so alone. Yumi was hours away in Tokyo, safe but afraid. Gaku could be emotionally supportive, but he had little to offer in the way of advice, and Tenn’s first priority had always been TRIGGER. 

Which was why he was so shocked when Tenn was the one to offer a solution. 

“We could mull over possibilities all day, but there is a glaringly-obvious answer here,” he said. “Go public.” 

“What do you mean?” Ryuu asked. “I’m not hiding my relationship with Yumi or anything.” 

“Yes, but she has been very discreet in the interest of keeping your image safe. The time for that has passed,” Tenn replied, crossing his arms defiantly. “Make it official. Tell our fans in a public venue. Tell them that your real fans would be happy for you; it’ll eliminate the incentive to continue harassing her.” 

“I don’t… think Anesagi will go for that,” Ryuu said, shuddering when he thought of Anesagi and their ballpoint pens. “And I’m pretty sure the president will let me go if I come out with a relationship.” 

“I won’t let him” Gaku growled, his mouth turning down into a defiant pout.

“Honestly, it’s probably the best solution,” Tenn said, turning back to his phone. “But that’s just my input.” 

“You know whose input is probably more important?” Gaku asked, quirking his eyebrow. “Maeda’s.” 

~~~

When he came home, he’d never been more relieved to be hit with her floral perfume in his life. She greeted him in the living room, and he didn’t even put his bags down before he drew her into a bone-crushing embrace. She held him back, and a dramatically-tilted world suddenly righted itself with enough force to give him vertigo. Even when she went to pull away, he couldn’t bare to let go. 

“I’m so sorry,” he said. He’d said it over the phone enough, but he thought it could stand repeating. “Yumi, I’m so glad you’re safe.” 

“I’m ok, Ryuu,” she said, running her hand along the short portion of his hair. The gentle pats against his back settled nausea that had been gradually building for three days. “I’m here. I’m safe.” 

He clung a little tighter, his arms shaking with the exertion. Her breath ghosted across his neck, and her heart beat strong under his palms flat against her warm back. She was wearing one of his sweatshirts again, and he couldn’t bring himself to care. She was  _ safe _ , and she was in his arms, and for the time being, that was all that mattered. 

“We need to talk,” he said evenly, finally pulling back, but not enough to stop touching her. He brushed her hair back from her face, letting his knuckles linger against the soft swell of her cheek. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

She clung to his hand, her fingers cool and slick with anxious sweat; “I thought… I thought I could handle it on my own. I figured it would go away after a while.” 

“And when it didn’t?” He tried to meet her darting eyes and cradled her chin in his free hand, trying to extricate her poor, bitten lip. “Yumi, what if you had gotten hurt? You almost  _ did  _ get hurt! They… they cut your hair!”

“It’s hair. It grows back,” she murmured defiantly, but Ryuu was in no mood for her stubbornness. She wouldn’t meet his disapproving gaze. “I’m sorry. I was going to tell you. After Valentine’s Day. I… I didn’t want to worry you on your tour. And I didn’t want to ruin Valentine’s.” 

At a loss for how to respond, he sighed deeply and pressed his forehead against hers; “You need to tell me things. Even if they aren’t great. Especially if they aren’t great.”

“I know,” she replied softly, leaning into his embrace. “I… I need to work on this. I just… wanted to handle it on my own. I don’t want to become one of those women who gets a boyfriend and can’t fend for herself.” 

“You aren’t weak for leaning on me,” he said. “I asked you to, remember? I want us to be here for each other. Especially when it’s my fault.” 

“This isn’t your fault, Ryuu! I knew what I was getting into! I knew what… what being with someone like you entailed.” Her voice trailed off guiltily at the end, and she stared at her hands while she systematically picked at her nails until they bled. 

“‘Someone like me?’” That shouldn’t have hurt as much as it did, but it did. It really did.

“I didn’t mean it that way,” she said, her voice low and thick. “I’m sorry.”

He took her hands in his, effectively stopping her anxious picking, and sighed deeply. He didn’t know what to do. It was clear Yumi hadn’t thought of a solution either. But even in this tense silence, heavy with their combined disquiet, he knew he wanted to protect her. 

“Let me see,” he said, squeezing gently. 

She bit her lip; “You don’t--” 

“I do,” he interrupted her. “I need to see what we’re up against here. Before we come up with a solution.”

She sighed, all the fight dripping out of her posture, before she pulled her phone out of the sweatshirt’s pocket. She opened her email app with some reluctance. He was floored by the number of messages. The least creative ones called her names--picking on her weight, her looks, her general demeanor. The word ‘bitch’ came up a lot. There were definitely a lot more colorful insults. Some of the more frightening ones threatened her with physical harm--one sender went so far as to post blurry photos of a woman who  _ could _ be Yumi around Tokyo, like a twisted itinerary. It was like a more personal, more direct version of the website. It made Ryuu sick with anxiety. 

“Is… this everything?” He swallowed thickly, fighting the building bile at the back of his throat. 

“The emails, yes,” she replied, not meeting his eyes. “The stuff in public can’t really be accounted for, and I haven’t been to my apartment, so I’m sure there’s stuff there. But otherwise, yes, that’s all.” 

He sighed deeply, shuffling to the couch to collapse into it. To combat the blinding headache building behind his eyes, he rubbed gently at his temples. It didn’t work. She curled up next to him, and her familiar weight and warmth grounded him. Comforted him. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close and burying his face in her hair. 

“I’m scared, Ryuu,” she said quietly. The declaration was so small, so frighteningly honest, his heart clenched in sympathy. “What are we going to do?” 

He held her tighter, wishing he could take away her fear. Her pain. There really was only one solution; “We go public.” 

She stiffened in his arms. She tried to pull away, but he held firm. He couldn’t look in her eyes at the moment. He wasn’t strong enough. 

“Ryuu, no!” Her hands shook against his chest, fisting in his t-shirt. “I can’t!” 

“We don’t have a choice, Yumi,” he insisted. “Besides, it’s what I want.” 

“We… we can’t,” she insisted weakly. “We shouldn’t.” 

Her protests stung. Normally, he had a thick enough skin he could deal with it, but he was rubbed raw and ripped open and too vulnerable and it  _ stung _ . It was like she was ashamed… 

“Do you really not want to?” He could hear the naked hurt in his voice, but for once he didn’t care. “I mean, if not, fine, but I want a reason.” 

“It’s just… you said that our relationship could cause problems for your image. I love you, Ryuu, and you’re important to me, but you’ve worked so hard for everything you have, and I’ll be damned if I ruin your career for my sake.” 

Ryuu could tell the naked hurt on his face was blatant and cutting, but it was also deserved. He’d never said… he didn’t mean… “Yumi, I never meant it that way. I just… didn’t want to put pressure on us. We were already under a lot of stress.” 

She stared at her knees; “I still don’t want to cause problems for you.” 

Her hands shook against his chest, and she trembled in his arms. He drew soothing circles against her back, trying to calm her anxiety as well as his own. He wasn’t totally successful, but she did relax in his arms a bit; “Yumi… are you ashamed of us? Do you regret this at all? Or… resent me? Talk to me.”

She sighed; “No. I couldn’t possibly be ashamed of you, Ryuu. I love you! I love you so much it hurts, and I respect you so much… I just… I want all your dreams to come true. I want you to achieve what you set out to achieve, and I want you to be there for your family, and I can’t help but feel like if we go forward with this, we’ll screw something up. And even if we don’t I have a sinking suspicion Anesagi-san will break me like one of their ballpoint pens.”

They both laughed humorlessly, and she pulled away a bit to look him in the eye. Still, their thighs were pressed together and the line of contact did wonders for his confidence. He cradled her jaw in his hands, letting his thumb skim her lower lip. Her lashes fluttered, dark and long, against her flushed cheeks, and she shivered at the contact. 

“Have some faith in me,” he whispered.

She pressed a kiss to the pad of his thumb, pressing into his hands for more contact. More comfort. “I do. I believe in you. I’m just...I’m scared.” 

“I’ll protect you, Yumi,” he said, letting his fingers trail down her arm to take her hands. “I’ll always protect you. Just trust me.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Stalking Behavior, Doxxing, Harrassment


	19. Epilogue

Despite how late springtime came in Tokyo, compared to back home when the cherry blossoms were blooming sometime in February, he still loved it. He loved this time of year. The whole world was new again. From the sakura petals in his hair to the smell of new, wet grass to the spring-themed treats in cafes and shops, it was the best time to be in Tokyo. It was also a good time to celebrate being in love.

Because he was. He was  _ so  _ in love.

It took a few months for the fires from his reveal to cool. While the harassment stopped almost instantly--him interviewing with several sources saying, in no uncertain terms, that his true fans would want him to be happy saw to that--the idea that one of Japan’s most wanted men was scooped off the market was enough to warrant buzz. Everyone wanted to know their story, and everyone wanted to know what sort of woman Yumi was that she could land him.

They’d been mobbed everywhere they went. Despite the mild hit to Ryuu’s popularity for his public relationship, it was a drop in the bucket compared to the absolutely massive wave of new visibility. He, personally, was trending for a few weeks after the reveal. Even his father got a bit of splashback from it when the news made it south, causing his dad to constantly bug him about Yumi. All other news in Ryuu’s life was eclipsed by his relationship. Even when he and Gaku were both nominated for the same acting award for their drama.

Still, it warmed his heart a little bit when he found fan sites devoted to support for him and Yumi. It reinforced every good thing and validated every good feeling when he saw comments of girls squealing about how adorable they were together.

They could be seen in the sunlight without fear again. And for that, he was grateful.

Eventually, though, the fires cooled and life returned to normal. Yumi kept working too many hours. They kept sneaking in whatever time together they could. They kept building their lives around each other. Yumi kept sneaking into aspects of his life that he never expected, like when she bought new sheets for the bed, or when she bought him a new toothbrush, or when she offered to touch up his undercut for him when his week was too busy to get to a hair stylist. It was an easy domesticity, a simple fantasy that he never wanted to end.

So he decided to make his fantasy reality.

One afternoon in late April, he had an afternoon off. He’d innocently invited Gaku and Tenn over, as was his wont on days they all had off. Yumi had offered to cook, and Ryuu had let her. After all, he had ulterior motives for the evening, and the less time he was tied to the stove, the better.

He came home with two coffees and a neatly wrapped little package in his hands; “I’m home.”

“Welcome home,” she called from the kitchen.

His apartment smelled like home. Her perfume had settled into the ambient scent, mixing and filling space until it was as much a part of the place as he was. On top of that, she was clearly using his father’s recipe if the smell was anything to go by. She’d probably snuck behind his back to acquire it without his knowledge.

He nearly dropped their coffees when he found her in the kitchen. He was floored. She was standing at his stove in a sweet, vintage fit and flare dress, printed like a violet and white morning glory yukata. Her hair, finally starting to grow back, was pulled away from her face in soft waves. She looked so sweet. She was beautiful.

“Hey, you,” she said with a radiant smile. “Do me a favor and taste this sauce? Gaku and Kujo-san will be here any minute.”

Ryuu set their cups and the gift on the counter, wrapping his arms around her waist, and tasted the sauce over her shoulder; “Hmm… needs more awamori.”

“I knew you would say that, you booze hound,” she teased.

“Then why did you ask?” He brushed her hair back from her neck, watching with fascination when goosebumps followed the trail of his fingers.

“Because I value your input,” she said dryly, adding another splash of awamori to the pot. “I smell coffee.”

“I picked some up for you,” he said, offering her the cup. “To celebrate.”

She took a sip, quirking her eyebrow at him; “Celebrate what, exactly?”

He grinned widely--so widely it hurt--before he handed her the little gift; “It was a year ago today that we met.”

Her eyes widened when she stared down at the little gift; “Wow… really? Today? Are you sure?”

He was sure. He’d logged the day away, tucked it in his heart for safe keeping, ever since it happened. He’d never forget it. So it seemed appropriate to take the step he wanted to take. He tapped the box with his finger, grinning mischievously as she gently tugged the ribbon. Nestled inside the box was a small key. Yumi’s soft, surprised expression made his heart clench with happiness.

“Ryuu, what… what is this?” Her eyes were wide with disbelief.

“It’s my house key,” he said matter-of-factly. “Well, actually, your house key.”

“Ryuu, I don’t understand…” Her voice was soft, and her eyes were getting dangerously watery, but the brightness in her expression kept him from worrying.

“I want you to move in with me,” he said simply, taking a deep breath and trying to remember the little speech he’d written in his head. “I know we haven’t been together very long, but you spend so much time here already, and I hate it when you leave. I hate it when you spend the night at your place because I love falling asleep next to you. I love waking up next to you. I love coming home to you every day. And I want that and more. I want it for as long as you’ll have me.”

She stared at the box for a second longer before she dropped it to the counter. The flare of panic at possible rejection lasted a split second before her arms were tight around him. She was shaking with tears, but her smile was so bright… so open. So beautiful. He remembered an interview from early in his career when they asked him what he looked for in a woman and he’d answered, through his horrified stammers, that he’d love someone with a beautiful smile. He hadn’t realized until that moment that the smile he’d been thinking of had been  _ this  _ smile--the one on Yumi’s face at that exact second. If he could bottle it for the moments when she wasn’t there, keep it always, he would die a happy man.

“I’d love to move in with you, Ryuu,” she said, letting out a bubbly little giggle when he put his arms around her. “Absolutely… I’d love to. Yes, yes, ye--”  

She didn’t get a chance to finish her acceptance, because he cut her off. He kissed her. He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulled her close enough to mould her body against his, and he  _ kissed  _ her. He kissed her until he could feel her trembling under his touch and her fists balled in his shirt. He kissed her until his lips were sore and his lungs were screaming for breath, until he wanted to lay her out on his bed and worship her from the top of her head to the tips of her toes and back again. But he didn’t. He just pulled back so slowly, letting their touches linger until he felt like her heat was seared into him forever. He smiled down at her, drunk off the dazed look in her eyes. He pressed another, far more chaste kiss to her forehead.

She was moving in with him. It was the first step to something more, something he’d only dreamed of having someday. Something he’d wanted for so long. And now, he was going to get it. He felt like he was dreaming.

“I love you,” he whispered. “I really, really love you. So much.”

“I love you, too,” she replied, her face buried in his chest.

It was a simple declaration, one that couldn’t possibly encapsulate all that they’d been through and all that they felt. But it was enough for now. The rest would come eventually. After all, they had all the time in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for coming on this crazy journey with me, and for giving this long and indulgent fic a chance. It holds a very special place in my heart, and it represents many hours and lots of love and sleepless nights when I probably should have been working. I'm so happy for the people who followed me with this, and the people who will read it after my journey is done. Needless to say, Idolish7 has become a very beloved property for me, and I intend to contribute until the flame burns itself out... which will probably be never, given my tendency to hyperfixate!! 
> 
> Thank you so much once again!
> 
> A special thank you once more to Hanna, Ariane, and Jade, without whom this would not have been completed. I love you girls more than you know!

**Author's Note:**

> So this is sort of my self-indulgent, trashy magnum opus. Good News, it's finished! So I'll be updating this monster fairly regularly. Thanks so much for giving it a chance! 
> 
> Thank you to Hanna, Ariane, and Jade for editing, beta, general hype and encouragement. I couldn't have done it without you ladies!


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